


Star-Crossed.

by rosetintedlightsaber



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Badass Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben Solo is not dead, Canon Divergence - The Rise of Skywalker, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Happy Ending, I promise it ends in a happy ending, Idiots in Love, Long, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Solo, Romance, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Work In Progress, World Between Worlds, we all deserve that much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:07:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24036346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosetintedlightsaber/pseuds/rosetintedlightsaber
Summary: Rey is left heartbroken after the events of Exegol. However, her life is changed once more after she is visited by a certain someone she craves to be with.Will she be able to bring Ben Solo back from the World Between Worlds? Will they have a chance at the life they’ve always wanted and deserve?
Relationships: Ben Solo x Rey, Kylo Ren & Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Reylo
Comments: 102
Kudos: 95





	1. Lars Homestead.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all. This is my first fic in this fandom. I have just fallen completely in love with these two. Their ship is a wonderful dynamic. 
> 
> I promise this ends with a happy ending and all the tooth rotting fluff we deserve!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :) x

The Last Jedi let the sun’s rays wash over her. She allowed herself to feel the familiar heat, the sting that permeated skin, the kind of burn that only came from these types of planets.

Rey knew deserts well. Too well. For all intents and purposes, she should have hated this planet the moment the Falcon had entered its atmosphere. She should have been reminded of the relentless scorch, the pangs of hunger that ate at her stomach, the dehydrated throbs at her skull from hours without water. She should have been reminded of the piercing sand that blistered the soles of her feet even through shoes, of the scratches of tally marks on the wall inside the AT-AT that scarred her long, isolated years on Jakku.

Yet, despite the similarities of climate and of landscape, she wasn’t reminded of any of it.

Tatooine instead had felt like home, as though she was supposed to be there. It had been the first time in a few days that she had felt the slightest remnant of peace and purpose. The first time she had actually encouraged the calming waves of the Force to take hold of her.

Rey’s small pilgrimage to Luke’s home planet had occupied her mind; it had allowed her to focus on something other than _Ben_. The journey had offered her an opportunity to pay her own respects to the family that had changed her life, to feel close to the Skywalker’s one last time.

Rey stood facing the two setting suns, in an _almost_ peaceful meditation. The Lars Homestead behind her, hummed with the Force Energy of a boy that dreamed of more. A place that held promise, that held hope to generations yet to come.

She slowly opened her eyes, letting her irises adjust to the binary sunset that painted the soft sands in brilliant pinks, reds and oranges.

Her round companion quizzically beeped beside her; a series of small sounds that let Rey know she wasn’t completely alone, even if she did feel entirely numb with grief. She swore sometimes that the droid understood more than some people.

She turned her head away from the twin suns and looked down at him. She offered him a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“So...how’d you feel about staying a bit longer than we planned?” She said, as she nodded behind her in the direction of the homestead; her voice barely above a whisper.

He chimed back in his chirpy song that told Rey he was happy to stay longer, that he was glad that their little adventure wasn’t over yet. She was glad to hear it; Rey secretly hoped to stay as long as it would take her to gain enough strength to return back to reality.

She hadn’t planned on staying longer than she needed to, originally, only stopping to bury Luke and Leia’s ‘Sabers and maybe, have a quick look around Luke’s childhood home. However, now she was here, she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Something was telling her that she needed to stay and quite frankly, she was grateful for it. She didn’t feel like she could face going back to the Resistance and back to her friends, just yet.

The days that followed Exegol had left her feeling out of place surrounded by all the celebrating, she knew she was putting a damper on those around her and that she needed to get away to breathe. Despite the concern they voiced as to why she was so distant, so upset, despite her friend’s kind words that reassured her she could tell them anything, she had never felt more alone in her entire life. It was the type of isolation that sliced through the heart of an incomplete soul. A pain that buried itself deep into the roots of her being; the subject of a Dyad without her other half.

No one could truly understand what she was going through, even Rey herself couldn’t fully comprehend it. The only thing that she knew completely, was that the ache in her chest rendered her useless. It tormented her every time she was smothered with memories and visions of Ben.

At first, it had been difficult convincing Rose, Finn and Poe to let her leave Ajan Kloss alone. They had relentlessly nagged at her that she wasn’t fit to travel on her own, that someone needed to make sure she was eating and sleeping properly.

Eventually, they let her go after she had made up the excuse that it was “the Force telling her to do it” and she had to listen. That she would only be gone for three days, keep in contact on the comms and would return as soon as possible. She wasn’t _completely_ lying to them. After all, Rey did feel like this was the place she was supposed to be.

Her brief visit from the force-ghost versions of the Skywalker twins after she’d buried their ‘Sabers, had only solidified that further.

BB-8 on the other hand, had only accompanied her because she had no idea he was hiding on the Falcon. He had been waiting for her to leave and popped out of the Cockpit once she’d already jumped into Hyper-speed. He chimed at her something about how he’d miss her too much if she left without him. The droid’s reason for coming along had added to the immense guilt already weighing on her. Her friends cared about her and yet, here she was running away from them, _again_.

It wasn’t like she had much of a choice. There was no way she could have explained to Finn and Poe why she had been so utterly debilitated after Exegol. Rose may have been more likely to listen, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to tell them or even speak about what had happened. It brought bile into her throat every time she went to speak his name, it made her wince every time someone even mentioned Exegol.

Besides, she was entirely convinced that they wouldn’t understand why she was mourning the loss of Kylo Ren: The Supreme Leader of the First Order, a man who had tried to kill her and her friends a number of times.

But she wasn’t mourning Kylo Ren.

It was Ben she mourned. Tall, gentle, run into battle with nothing but a blaster and determination, Ben. Her other half that shared a bond, an extraordinary connection with her, that spanned across light years of space. He, who had made her feel understood when no one else did.

The man that had listened to her sobbing without judgement, assured her that she wasn’t alone and offered her his hand that night in her Hut on Ahch-To. Her love that had given up everything for a moment to be with her, even his life. The Ben she had kissed so desperately, loved so unconditionally, the man she knew had always been hidden under a mask and guarded exterior.

Her Ben Solo, who had died in her arms, a part of her dying along with him.

She desperately tried to push the thoughts of him out of her head, instead she attempted to find peace from the Force. She failed.

Rey let out a quivering sigh, blinking away the stinging tears that threatened to fall down her already salt stained cheeks. She was fed up with crying. It was all she had done since that day.

Instead she’d keep herself busy; finding solace in the routine of work. She’d fix up the Falcon... maybe clean it too. _It definitely had seen better days_ , she thought. She’d clear out Luke’s homestead, take things apart and then put them back together again. Anything to distract her.

Rey always found the methodical process of fixing machines repairing to her, too. Hunks of metal and circuitry never asked questions, unlike people. She could almost pretend that none of the events on Exegol happened.

 _Almost_.

She was shaken from her cacophony of erratic thoughts when BB-8 began to gently nudge at her shin. She must have stopped walking to the homestead because she was standing still, staring blankly at nothing.

She watched as her droid companion suddenly sped off into the dome entrance, she assumed led downwards into the main section of the home. He let out a series of beeps telling her to hurry up.

 _Clearly, he’s just as excited to have a nose around as me_ , Rey thought.

“Alright! Alright.” She half laughed. “I’m coming.”

Rey ducked into the doorway, squinting slightly as her eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness. She unclipped her new Lightsaber from her belt, flicking the switch to ignite the beam so they could see better. The small, cave like room bounced the amber glow of her weapon off of the chipped cupola.

Luke’s childhood home apparently had other ideas for them and wasn’t going to let them poke around that easily. The entrance to the homestead was almost entirely filled by sand, blocking the age worn staircase that slightly protruded from underneath the mound.

BB-8 spun his head around to meet her gaze, tilting it slightly, implying: “what now?” Rey never failed to notice how expressive he was, even though he didn’t have a physical face.

She sighed. “Well, looks like we can’t go this way, Bee Bee. We’ll have to find another way in.”

The droid let out a number of sassy sounding chimes in reply.

“No, I can’t just ‘force the sand away’.” Rey retorted, turning off her Lightsaber and clipping it back onto her belt.

He offered her a quizzical beep.

“Because that’s not how it works!”

Eventually, after circling the entire outer layout of the homestead, Rey had figured out a way to get down. To the side of the hole that must have held all the different rooms Luke’s family had lived in, there was a mountain of sand that filtered down into the bottom. She could use it as a slide. She picked up a curved, rectangular piece of debris, that slightly stuck out from beneath the layer of sand at the top of the mound; it was just big enough for her to sit on and cross her legs.

 _Typical_. She thought. _Some things never change._

She pushed off the top, navigating the large sand mound with practiced ease. Once she reached the end of the hill, she stood up, dusting the sand off of her now off-white leggings. Rey squinted her line of sight up at BB-8; he was still stuck at the top. The droid rolled back and forth on his spherical body, clearly indicating he was not fully onboard with this plan of hers.

“Come on! It’s fun, I promise.” She coaxed, blocking the sun’s rays from her eyes with the palm of her hand.

Suddenly, BB-8 leapt forward; jumping with more ferocity than she thinks he originally planned to. He landed halfway down the sand hill, zooming down the rest at a speed that could rival the Millennium Falcon.

Reaching the end, he tumbled over his head, rolling into an old water distributor. The collision made an echoed clang, breaking the serene silence that shrouded over the ghost-home.

BB-8 jumped back up, with a set of victorious, triumphant beeps that signified he’d, quote on quote, “executed it with ease”.

“Liar.” Rey giggled. It had been a while since she giggled; maybe some company was doing her good.

The homestead wasn’t much to look at anymore. Rey imagined that during the days Luke had grown up here, it looked much _homelier_. Now it was blanketed in sand and looked closer to a post-apocalyptic landscape than a loving home. Almost all of the rooms on the bottom level were filled to the brim with sand, leaving only two rooms that looked accessible for exploration. The force energy that captivated the small environment held familiarity and a sense of what could only be described as _foreboding_ ; almost as if the Force was telling her that this is where it all began. It had humbled Rey to think that both her and her old Jedi Master had started their lives the same way: a residence on a sand planet, in the middle of nowhere, far away from the noise of other people.

Rey and BB-8 made their way to the closest, accessible arch way. There was a metal door with a paint job that could use more than a few touch ups; it was high enough just for Rey to fit into. She thought better than to try the greyed out, clearly not functioning, access controls to the right of the door and instead, opted to use the Force to open it.

She ignored BB-8’s snide comments about how she could use the Force to open the door and not the sand on the staircase, and proceeded into what looked like an old bedroom. Immediately, her senses were flooded with an extremely strong Force energy that matched only one person: Luke Skywalker.

“This must be Luke’s old room, Bee Bee.”

It was a lot smaller than what Rey had first envisioned. There was a single bed pressed against the left wall, a desk on the opposite, piled with a few, very dusty old books and on the back wall, a dresser that was adorned with a small model of a coral and white X-Wing. There were numerous, colour faded posters hung on the beige walls, contrasting greatly. Rey was surprised to see that the bed still had its sheets crumpled, with an old t-shirt thrown lazily at the foot of it. The room looked un-touched, _lived_ in. Like a typical teenage boy’s room.

She picked up the X-Wing model, battling the inner scavenger within herself not to put it straight in her bag and claim it as her own. She gave it a once over, tracing the lines of paint gently with her finger tips.

“Who would have thought a boy from nowhere, turned out to be the one of most powerful Force users there has ever been, eh Bee Bee?”

Her droid let out a few notes of his mechanical song in agreement.

_Then again, who would have thought a girl from nowhere could do the same._

“Enjoying scavenging through my old stuff are we?” Spoke a voice so sarcastic, it couldn’t have belonged to anyone else but her old master.

The sudden arrival of Luke’s force ghost had made Rey jump, causing her to drop the model X-Wing. Before it could hit the floor, it began to levitate, slowly lifting back onto the dresser from which it was found. It reminded her of how he’d lifted his real X-Wing from the thrashing sea of Ahch-To.. right after she’d burned Ben’s Whisper.

 _Stop it, Rey._ She scolded herself _. He’s not coming back, stop thinking about him._

“So you break into my home, rummage through my stuff and now you almost break it all, too?” Luke chuckled. “Remind me not to let you near anything of mine again.”

She turned to face him, offering him a slight smile; one that didn’t quite make her eyes sparkle. She was still baffled by the blue, mirage like hue that the ghost of her old Jedi Master was emitting. She thought that she’d never get used to this whole Force Ghost thing.

“Hi, Luke. Nice place you have here.” She quipped back, gesturing to copious amounts of sand now blowing its way into the entrance of the bedroom.

“Well, it was a lot cozier back when I was your age.”

Luke made his way over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. He patted the space to the left of him, encouraging Rey to do the same.

“And by ‘back when you were my age’ you mean a million years ago, yes?” While Rey wasn’t feeling herself, she wasn’t past having a jab at him.

She joined him on the bed, noticing how transparent he really was up close.

“Ha ha, very funny.” He returned, shaking his head in mock annoyance. “What brought you here? Of all the places in the galaxy, you chose my old, I guess wrecked now, home.” Luke spoke with a pang of nostalgic sadness in his tone Rey didn’t miss.

“I came to bury yours and Leia’s ‘Sabers, as a way to pay my respects. A memorial of sorts, I suppose. I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time..” Rey really wasn’t in the mood to talk, as much as she appreciated Luke’s presence, she found that she wanted nothing more than to begin fixing the Falcon; hoping to get lost in her work.

 _Maybe take a nap, too,_ she thought _. If I actually managed to fall asleep that is..._

“Hm.” Luke replied. “I’m not convinced that’s just it. Why alone?”

“I’m not alone.” She replied, nodding to BB-8 who was currently staring at her from the opposite side of the room. His photoreceptor projected immense confusion, despite him not having real eyes to convey it.

_Probably thinks I’ve lost it; talking to myself._

“That’s not what I meant and you know it, Rey. Where are your friends? Shouldn’t you be celebrating? Drinking ample amounts of alcohol?”

“Dunno. Didn’t really feel in the celebratory mood.”

“Ah. I understand.” He replied, matter of factly.

_Understand? How could he possibly understand? What is he getting at?_

“You know, after the battle of Endor there was a huge celebration too. People dancing, drinking, singing, you name it. It was nice at first, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay long. I _had_ just lost my father.” He punctuated with a glance at Rey through the corner of his eye.

 _Oh_.

“He was a troubled soul.” Luke proceeded.

“Your father?”

“Well, yes, him too.” He chuckled. “But I was actually referring to my nephew.”

“Oh.” She spoke, unhappy with the tremble that permeated her voice. Rey wasn’t ready to talk about Ben, especially not with his Uncle of all people.

“You know, there’s not a day goes by that I don’t regret what I did.” It was Luke’s turn to introduce an unwanted waver within his speech. “I failed him.”

“I’m not sure that _I’m_ the person you should say this to.” Rey replied with a slight bite she didn’t intend at first.

“Oh, you’re right. I spoke to him.”

Rey turned to look at Luke so fast, she almost got whiplash.

“Y-you.. you spoke to him?” Her eyes searched Luke’s transparent ones for the slightest hint at a lie. She found none. “When?”

“Right after he.. you know.” Clearly, Rey wasn’t the only one who struggled to mention what happened.

“But, I don’t understand..why hasn’t he come to see me?” She hated how timid she sounded, how weak she must have seemed. This isn’t Rey. She’s stronger than this.

 _I was_ , she thought.

“I’m not sure he can. He’s not exactly a ‘Force Ghost’ yet.” Luke returned.

“But I saw him disappear! There was nothing left!” _He left me_ , she wanted to add.

“I don’t dispute that. He’s definitely not in the land of the living anymore. But something.. something was _off_.” Luke shook his head. “Like he wasn’t fully there and he wasn’t fully here.”

“What? Luke, I don’t understand what you’re saying?!”

“I’m not sure either. We only spoke briefly, it was fleeting.” He turned directly to face her now, she felt interrogated under his gaze. “Rey, I came to see you to..make sure you were alright. It’s ok to grieve yes, but don’t succumb to it. Don’t become what I was. You’re much better than me. Don’t isolate yourself too long.”

Rey began to feel the immense guilt about her friends crush her again. Her heart felt heavy but her head was still reeling with thoughts of Ben. There was no way she could go back yet. Everything about the war reminded her of him.

“I can’t go back. Not yet. I need..” _Ben_.

She couldn’t muster the strength to fight the tear that mapped along her cheek; it journeyed down her face, falling from her chin.

“-to grieve.” Luke added. “It’s understandable. Ben was.. unique, to say the least.” He allowed himself to chuckle at his fond memories of the wild tempered, curious young boy that had once been his Padawan; his nephew that had _idolised_ him.

“Just, don’t let this define you, Rey. He died so that you could live. He wouldn’t want this for you.”

Rey knew that Luke was right but it didn’t do much to hinder the pain. She wondered if it would ever go away; she wondered if she _wanted_ it to.

“..I’ll try.” She spoke after a few moments of silence.

“And that is all I ask.” He stated, with an unexpected softness to his voice that caught Rey off guard. “I’ll leave you for now. But know that we are with you, always. The Jedi lives within you now, Rey.”

Then he was gone, as quickly as he had appeared. Leaving Rey to mull over the silence and numerous unanswered questions he had left her with.

_“...he wasn’t fully there and he wasn’t fully here.” What had Luke meant by this?_

She pulled herself away from that line of thought; the thought that would have supplied false hope. She didn’t need that right now.

She wiped her face with the back of her palm, clearing her skin from any stray tears. She jumped up, making BB-8 jump in return.

“Come on, Bee Bee. I think that’s enough exploring for today.”

The rest of the afternoon saw Rey tending to various parts of the Falcon; BB-8 offering a helping hand here and there. It had been mending for her, too. She really needed to just focus on something simple, something she actually understood.

The afternoon bled into evening, evening into night and Rey still continued to bury herself into the guts of her ship. She found that she hadn’t got much of an appetite, so she only stopped to take gulps of water from her flask. It wasn’t until BB-8 chimed something about it being way past nightfall, that she stood up and made her way into the ship's crew quarters.

The captain’s quarters had a bed that was _too big_. She had felt lost in it; the bed reminded her that she was completely alone. She opted to stay on a single cot inside the crew quarters, that she’d been drawn to without understanding why.  
For some reason, whenever she slept on this particular cot, it had warded off unwanted nightmares and coaxed her off to sleep, far easier than the others.

Rey stripped out of her clothes now stained with oil, grease and sand, leaving only her underwear on. She gingerly glanced at her bag on the floor a few times, before rushing over to unzip it. She pulled out a grey, long sleeved sweater that was far too big to fit her. A sweater that had a small Lightsaber beam shaped hole where the abdomen was. Pulling it over her head, Rey was flooded with a sense that was uniquely _Ben_ ; it felt like coming home. It still hummed with his Force energy.

The sweater was unwashed, covered in dirt, blood and sweat, but it smelled like him. _Like old books and a hint of peppermint_ , she thought. She had taken his clothes that were left behind on Exegol with her on instinct; shoving them into her bag with no coherent thought, wrecked with grief. She thought she was being a bit creepy if truth be told, but she couldn’t bring herself to part with them. They were the only thing she had of him.

Rey hugged herself, drowning in his scent and the fragment of his Force energy; the slight whisper of their bond. The sweater dwarfed her tiny frame. She climbed into bed, meditating for a while before the pull of sleep _finally_ took her.

The last thing she heard: a voice, _his voice_. Softly calling her name.


	2. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

Cold.

Cold and… _wet_?

Darkness. Light. Life and death. Pulling and pushing. Serenity and chaos. All of it amalgamating, mixing, churning together.

These were the only coherent feelings that inundated his senses. The Force besieged him, harassed him, whilst simultaneously it coaxed and soothed. His senses were flooded, brimming with nothingness and solidity, all at once.

 _Balance_.

He awoke, face down onto _water_? It wasn’t deep, it almost wasn’t there, just enough to wet his fingertips; a whisper of a sense. 

He was floating. The water didn’t soak him, it had felt and looked like ink, though leaving no trace on his skin. It was almost solid; he could stand.

Sound was deafeningly absent. It was a blanket of silence that almost felt suffocating, had it not been for his relief of the quiet. He had no snarling murmurs, no spitting tongues, no malevolent thoughts that violated his mind, puppeteering him to do their bidding. Just _silence_ , only broken by his scrambling footsteps in an attempt to stand.

Ben Solo’s eyes darted around the thick black void that engulfed his entire surroundings. It was an infinite expanse of nothingness, although feeling like everything all at once, an inexplicable complimenting contrast. 

He noticed that he felt no pain. His leg was no longer split in two, his ribs didn’t scream, his lip and his left cheek weren’t leaking crimson and he could move freely, with the only noticeable resistance the water that rippled beneath his bare feet. 

_The fuck?_ He thought. 

Then, as if the void answered his question, Ben was bombarded with visions and images —no, memories, _his_ memories— of all that happened before.

Exegol. Lightning, thunder, fear and the darkness. The anger, the hate. His fall, the fight. The noise —so _much_ noise— crashes, implosions, eruptions from ships over head. The ache and his pain that numbed his body, excruciating within his heart, in his _soul_. Her death the universe’s loss - _his_ loss- a fallen angel with a fate sealed too soon. 

Then light. Wholeness, completion, peace, unity, _love_ in her return. Her eyes, sparkling like sunlight dancing across a Naboo lake. Her smile, a perfect explosion of a star, so beautiful it knocked the air from his lungs. 

Then her _lips_. How they formed his name, the relief, the gratitude spilling from each syllable, how she bruised his own with them. The kiss that held hope, promise; the one that showed him _their_ future, the shape of it that was solid and _clear_. How holding her, wrapped in her soothing embrace, her hand grasping his as the other cradled her nape, had felt like home. Two halves of a soul finally made one.

 _Balance_.

Only for it all to fall away, like the tears that were lucky enough to imprint on her cheeks; just how he wanted to stain her skin with kisses. How he felt himself slip away from her, letting her take his place, giving her his _life_. Because she _was_ his life.

Ben had no regret in doing it. He never could. He felt that he would die a thousand times over _for_ her, to have a second with her. Besides, the universe would miss her far more than any single person would ever miss him.

“Rey.” He spoke aloud, as if somehow she’d come to him. As if somehow she could hear him. He spoke it like a mantra, a prayer that calmed him.

Ben ducked his head in defeat, surrendering to the infinite expanse.

 _This is death_? He thought.

He progressed into the void, his footsteps liquid droplets that tickled the silence. He had no idea which direction to go, it all looked the same; frightfully isolating. Yet, he continued on, the Force tugging at him, as though a child would at their parents for attention. 

He walked and walked for minutes? Hours? _Days_? He couldn’t be sure; time felt muddled here. It was tangled within the mess of every other inordinate sense. 

A white sputtering, frayed form, the personification of static, a figure that reminded him of his old Saber with its spitting energy, came into view in the distance. A stark contrast to the perpetual vacuum that engulfed him. He hardly noticed he was running towards it until his lungs began to give out, aching beneath his broad chest. 

The form -no, _energy_ \- felt familiar. He recognised its force signature: strong, tamed and curt. 

Upon reaching closer he began to slow, his footwork becoming that of an hesitant animal. He knew who it was. Ben would recognise the flow of his force anywhere. 

_Luke_.

He slowed to a complete stop, two foot away from the electric orb. Ben wasn’t sure he wanted to confront him at all. He wasn’t ready. He was still hurt, still held anger for him, he was still _scared_ of him, it knotted in his chest, twisting like the Force surrounding him. 

_Breathe Ben_ , he meditated to himself. _It’s just Luke_.

“...Ben..s..that..ou?” Luke’s voice was crackled, distorted like his form. His words spitting out like an untuned radio.

He froze. Ben didn’t reply, he _couldn’t_ reply. 

_What the hell am I supposed to say?_

“..en..can..ou..hear..m..?” Luke ventured out to his nephew. 

“I-um. Yes.” Were the only words Ben could muster.

“..where..” 

Ben figured he was asking where he was. 

“I don’t know. It’s dark.” He replied. Ben pushed all the strength he had in him to the surface to ask, “Why are _you_ here?”

“..saw..di..forgive..ss” 

“What?” Ben spat, a little angrier than he wanted to. 

“..Rey..” Luke replied.

Now _that_ he could make out perfectly. 

“Rey?! Where is she? Is she safe? Is she alright?” Ben’s heart began to race, no longer out of fear but out of need. He had to know if she was okay. 

Ben called on the Force surrounding him, he attempted to make Luke clearer. He couldn’t have this guessing work, attempting to piece together each broken fragment of his speech. If they were going to talk, _especially_ if it was about Rey, he needed to understand every word. 

This was foreign. He hadn’t used the light side of the Force for years. He wasn’t sure he still knew how to call upon it. He tried to picture peace, life, serenity, let it course through him. It didn’t work.

“Fuck.” He bit out at the void. 

Luke was still sputtering in an attempt to commune with him in the background, but he wasn’t listening. He tried again, pleading with the Force. It still failed. 

_Balance_.

A voice spoke, distinctly feminine, velvety and clear as day, but also night. A great juxtaposition to the frayed syllables spewing from the strange manifestation of Luke. He wasn’t sure if he heard it or if it was in his mind, but Ben understood.

He called upon both sides of the Force. He pictured Rey. How her bright, spirited and vibrant force signature, mirrored and complimented his own, raw, vivid and errant one. How in harmony they were when they fought, both side by side and against each other. The ebb and flow of the Light and the Dark, the attraction and reliance of opposites. Life and Death. Growth and Decay. How the Force needed both to be complete. 

Then, slowly, pulsing, almost as if it were unsure of itself, the manifestation of Luke began to clear the static fog. It was still blurred, unfocused, distant but it was better. It no longer looked sparked and erratic.

“Ben.” Luke sounded muffled, like he was underwater. At least he could understand him this time. 

“We don’t have much time. I can feel it faltering.” Ben replied, brusque and laconic. 

“Ben. I- I’m sorry.” Luke spoke, a noticeable waver permeating the cloak of his speech. 

Ben swallowed thickly, tightening his jaw. He didn’t reply, he hadn't expected _that_. 

“I understand if you don’t want to hear it.” Luke continued. “I just want you to know, I understand I let you down. I _failed_ you.” 

Ben furrowed his brow, confusen mapping over his pale features. How was he supposed to reply to that? He wanted to forgive him, he truly did, but it was difficult. The darkness may not have been as prevalent as before, but he was still angry. Frightened. Unsure.

Ben pushed his dark hair out of his eyes, running his curls through his fingers, a habit he picked up when he was younger to mask his nerves. 

“I’m not sure what you want me to say.” He returned to Luke. “I-I’m sorry, too.” 

“You have no need to be.” Luke replied, matter of factly. Ben’s eyes shot up, searching Luke’s form for clarity. 

Ben was sure he had every single reason to be sorry. 

“We weren’t there for you when you needed us. We pushed you away in fear, _I_ pushed you away.” Luke continued. 

_A pause._

“Could you… forgive me?” 

“I…” A single tear fell from Ben’s lashes, the cause of the hitch in his voice. 

Ben nodded, twice. Short and firm. He wasn’t sure he could completely forgive him, but if he could find it within himself to, perhaps others would do the same for him. 

“Thank you. Ben. What you did, for Rey…” 

“I’d do it again.” He spoke with a conviction that surprised himself. 

“Leia wanted to be here, she can’t seem to-“

“Do you know where I am?” Ben interrupted, glancing around his surroundings once more, as if it would change the longer he looked. He knew he definitely wasn’t ready to speak about or _with_ his mother. 

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

“Is-is this death?” Ben supplied. He hoped it wasn’t, it was so isolated. Lonely. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. He thought of Rey.

“I’m not sure. You’re not..I don’t understand.” 

Ben could feel the connection failing, slowly fading away like he had in Rey’s arms. 

“The connection, it’s dying. If you see Rey, tell her...tell her I-“ 

Luke disappeared, leaving Ben alone, _again_.

“Tell her I’ll come find her..” he spoke to nothing. 

He stood still, how long for, was impossible to tell. His mind was swimming with questions in a perpetual whirlwind, mimicking the Force energy that filled this unknown place.

He had to get to Rey. He _had_ to see her. Even if only briefly, just to hear her voice, to feel her presence. To tell her all the things he couldn’t when he was alive, when he was captured and enslaved by the darkness. To tell her that he loved her, even if he felt he didn’t deserve to.

The feminine voice returned, silky, threading and weaving through his mind, almost as if to repair his splitting thoughts.

 _Preserve the balance_. It spoke.

“What? I don’t understand.” 

_Preserve the balance. Seek the one you long for._

“How? How do I get to her? How do I leave this place? Also, _what_ the fuck is this place?” Ben rushed, impatience leaking from every word.

_A dyad, a power with life itself. Maintain the balance, complete the cycle. Return._

“So, I _can_ go back? I’m not..I’m not dead?” Ben pressed, his dark eyes darting around the endless expanse, begging for confirmation.

Then, as though the void answered him once more, a small golden orb appeared, floating above the inky water. It was warm, comforting, inviting. Its energy flowed with hope, it was filled with promise. It felt like _home_. 

Without hesitation, Ben reached out towards it, touching his fingertips to it. 

Everything went white.

As the blinding light faded away, his surroundings changed. He found himself in a small room -no a _bedroom_ \- with two bunk beds on either side of the wall. The air felt cold, almost stale. The grated, holed floor was freezing beneath his feet, and there was a distinct humming sound emanating from the off-white walls. He recognised where he was almost instantly. 

He was in the crew quarters, or rather, _his_ old room aboard the Falcon. A place he hadn’t been since he was a teenager. And someone else was there, sleeping in..his old bed?

He stepped slowly, as to not wake them up, closer towards the person encased within blankets. Their back was to him, they faced the wall, curled into themselves on the cot. Their light snores felt comforting to him, they almost _entranced_ him. 

Then, he felt it. The perfect barrage of her Force, entangling with his own. The peace he felt being this close to her, the longing he felt dissipating.

This wasn’t just a person. It was _his_ person. 

He stood there, frozen, standing over her, watching her small silhouette softly expand and contract as she breathed. He could just make out in the dark the angled point of her nose, the sharpness of her cheekbones, her hair fanning around her head on the pillow, her palm facing upwards next to her head, beckoning him to grasp it. She looked angelic.

“Rey.” He sighed, relief flooding the word.

Then, her eyes shot open, she leapt up from her sleep. Her eyes found his own instinctively, like a moth to a flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you all! I finally updated! This took a little longer than expected because of my uni work. Sorry about that. But it’s all handed in and gone, so now I can just focus on this. Thank you for reading.
> 
> If you want you can follow me on tumblr my url is rosetintedlightsaber 
> 
> Hope you’re all keeping well x


	3. My only hope.

Rey’s whole body felt numb. Her heart beat so fast, she could hear nothing but its deafening pulse in her ears. She was struggling to breathe.

She felt the tears sting their way back into her eyes, having made a permanent residency there over the last few days.

She’d know the shape of his silhouette anywhere; his broad shoulders, his tall frame, his dark wavy locks. She recognised his beautiful aberrant Force energy like it was her own. She _felt_ it; their bond bursting back into life, impatient to grow further.

She shook her head, refusing to fall victim to the façade _again_ ; the one that haunted her dreams every night.

“You’re not real,” she breathed out, whether to confirm it to herself or in an attempt to make him disappear, she wasn’t sure.

“Rey.” He spoke again, his voice trembled. And then he reached for her, offering his hand like he had a year ago, when they were surrounded by falling fire, when they had broken each other's hearts.

She desperately wanted to grab it; her palm ached for the contact.

“No. Stop it! You’re d- gone. You left me...” She hated how weak she sounded, how pathetic him leaving her had made her feel. He’d abandoned her, just like her parents, he told her that she _wasn’t_ alone. How could he?

She could swear she heard his breath hitch.

“Rey, it’s me I swear it. Please believe me. Gods, I’m so, so sorry. Please,” his usually gruff, deep voice wavered and it stung her heart all the more. 

“I- I can’t.”

“Sweetheart, turn on the light. Please. Let me see you. I promise you I’m here.”

_Sweetheart._ He’d never called her that before.

Not even in her dreams.

“But you’ll disappear...” _again_ , she wanted to add.

“Trust me. Can you trust me?” He pleaded with her. He sounded so different and so familiar all the same.

“I-” she let out a shaky exhale, “ _always_.”

“Good. That’s- that’s good.” He sounded so _relieved_.

She lifted a weak hand, flicking on the switch on the wall next to her bunk.

It was Rey’s turn for her breath to catch.

He was just as gorgeous as she remembered. He looked exactly the same as he did on Exegol, only he wasn’t cut or bruised. Ben looked enthralling. His hair was all raven locks, his skin porcelain smooth. She blushed at how tall he was compared to her, how his muscles stretched the fabric of his black shirt, one with a distinct hole pierced through-

_How is he wearing the same shirt? Aren’t I currently wearing that shirt?_

But most importantly, he felt _real._

She realised he was blushing too; a gorgeous pink flush dusted his snowy cheeks. Perhaps she’d projected her thoughts to him by accident. _Wait ghosts don’t blush. Do they? Wait, I can project my thoughts onto him again?_

She earnestly searched his wonderfully dark eyes, that currently sparkled with his unshed tears, for anything to make her understand, to confirm what was happening. He was looking at her like his life depended on it, like she _was_ his life.

He was here. She understood.

“Ben?” She breathed, relief flowing from each syllable. She allowed herself to smile, to truly smile for the first time in a while.

“Hi,” he replied, giving his own stunningly toothy grin in return. “Sorry I’m late, traffic was _awful_ ,” he followed with a breathy laugh.

Rey stood then, bypassing his outstretched hand, going straight for his face instead. She caressed his face so gently with her left hand, skimming over where his old scar would have been, he was trembling.

“You came back,” her voice hitched with the barrage of emotions pouring out from both her and Ben.

“I’ll always come back for you, sweetheart.” He stated it so truthfully, she believed him with every fibre of her being.

He nuzzled his left cheek into her hand, his eyes slipping shut. She felt his pure elation fill the bond. _Their bond_. Though it wasn’t quite as strong as it usually was.

Rey crushed herself to his chest, clinging onto him as though he would disappear again if she let go. He encased his enormous arms around her, trapping her completely, and she loved it. He felt like _Home,_ he felt safe, he made her feel so utterly content. They stayed there, wrapped up in each other, for how long she wasn’t sure. _Fuck time,_ she thought, _it isn’t important, he is._ Though the longer they stayed in the embrace, the more she felt that something was _off_.

She reluctantly pulled back, leaving her arms around his huge torso. Looking up, searching in his eyes for answers once more, it clicked.

“You’re not _fully_ here, are you?” The revelation felt like acid in her mouth.

“I- no. I don’t think so.” He replied, deflating. “I don’t feel-”

“Right.” She finished for him. He nodded. “But-” she pushed off him, “this isn’t fair!”

“Rey, calm down. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not!” Rey’s anger flared to a fever pitch. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this! _We_ weren’t...”

She began to sob, unable to hold it back anymore.

He pulled her back into his not-quite-there-embrace, though it soothed her all the same. “Shh,” he calmed, softly rubbing her back. “I’m so sorry, Rey.”

He took her face in his palms, “I missed you. Stars, I missed you so much.”

She swallowed another sob, “I- I missed you too. Ben...” _I love you so much, please come back._

He leant down, leaving a soft kiss at the crown of her head, warmth bloomed in her stomach at the gesture.

Ben brushed a piece of her hair that had fallen over her face behind her ear, settling his hands on her shoulders. “You look so-” he whispered. He cleared his throat, stopping what he was about to say. “Your hair’s down.”

She sniffed, “yeah, so?”

“It’s just,” he laughed, she loved the sound, “I’ve never seen it down before. _Fully._ It looks nice. Lovely, even. Like that, I mean. Not that it didn’t look lovely before, I just meant- shit, I’m fucking this up, aren’t I?” His face scrunched in embarrassment at how clumsy his words sounded.

She chuckled; it was funny to hear him swear so much. “Thanks? And I think you’re doing okay.” She looked down, self-conscious at her own words. Suddenly, she became very aware that she was dressed only in _his_ shirt, her panties and no bra.

“Wait, is that my shirt?” Ben’s brow furrowed, a smirk playing at his lips. Then, quickly his face dropped, eyes wider than planets. He immediately turned bright red and looked anywhere but at her, registering the same thing.

“Um, sorry I-” he fumbled, turning around completely away from her.

“No! It’s fine, I was just-” she raced to put on some trousers.

“Sleeping,” he finished for her, “sorry I, um, barged in like that.”

“Don’t be sorry! You can turn back around now.”

He did so, albeit slowly, averting his gaze from her.

“Ben it’s okay, you can look at me.” _Please look at me._

His eyes flicked to hers, his features softened. _That’s better._

“And, er, yes. This _is_ your shirt. Which is kind of strange considering you’re wearing it too?”

“Oh.” He looked down at himself. “Weird. But wait, _why_ are you wearing _my_ shirt?” Ben punctuated his sentence with a baffled look, that was just so cute she wanted to kiss it off him.

“I- well, like I said I missed you and um, it’s comfy?” She felt her cheeks burn red. “Sorry, I can take it off. I shouldn’t have-”

“No!” He shouted, a little too loud and faster than she thought he meant. He cleared his throat, “it suits you; I mean. Way better than me.”

She giggled. _Giggled. Fuck, get a hold of yourself, Rey._ “Thanks. I don’t agree, but thanks.”

_Subtle._

He let out a nervous laugh. “Well, I think maybe I’m just an echo of my real self, which is why there’s two of my shirts.” He gestured to himself, “and why I don’t feel like I’m fully here.”

_Bloody hell, were his hands always that big?_

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“Well, _where_ is your real self?” She replied.

“ _Rey,”_ he spoke so softly, no one had ever said her name like that. It broke her heart all over again. “You know, you said it yourself, I’m gone.”

“No!” She was shouting now. “You _aren’t._ I _know_ you aren’t. I feel it. So do you, I know you do.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t think-”

“Stop! Just, stop. _Please_.” She saw his face plastered with worry, he was so sad, it spilled through the bond. “Tell me you don't feel it too. You can’t be dead! You’re so different from Luke and how he looked as a ghost. You’re not one, I know it.”

“I- you’re right,” he sighed, “I don’t _feel_ dead but Rey, we have to face the facts here. If I’m not dead what else could I be?” He reached for her then, her fingers intertwined with his instantly.

“I’m not sure. Ben, Luke said something. He said that you weren’t “here or there” does that make any sense to you?”

“Wait, say that again.” Ben’s eyes lit up, they were so expressive, she could lose herself in them.

“You weren’t here or there.” She repeated.

“No, no it can’t be.” He began to pace, his fingers pulling through his hair, Rey desperately wanted to replace them with her own, to smooth down his tugs.

“What?! What is it?”

He stopped his pacing, staring directly at her. “You spoke to Luke, too? Man, that guy gets around,” he furrowed his brow again.

_Stop being so cute dammit._

“ _Ben.”_

“Right. Well,” he looked rattled, his eyes darted over the space she filled trying to make sense of his thoughts, “back a few years, I read something while studying the Jedi texts; an extract that mentioned something along those words.”

“Really?! What did it say?” Her heart was hammering against her chest hard; she’d have worried if there weren't more pressing matters to attend to. _Ben-matters_ she thought _._

“It has never been proven, there’s only ever been one account of it.” His hands were flying about with every word, gesturing to emphasise his points. “Something, if my memory and translation skills serve me correctly, called: The World Between Worlds. It referred to a person, or a being, caught between the force, between everything and nothing. Not completely in the plane of existence but not departed either.” He sounded so scholarly, she knew he’d always been clever, his mind was so fascinating.

“The what between what?” _Her_ mind, on the other hand, needed some work.

He chuckled, looking at her with something she’d never seen directed at her before. _Adoration._

“The World Between Worlds, sweetheart. It’s supposed to be this in between space, a portal of sorts, between life and death.” She didn’t think it was possible for his eyes to get any bigger, but then again, he always defied her expectations of him. “Fuck! Yes! Of course!” He exclaimed, pulling Rey out of her reverie over him. “The force felt so _weird_ there...”

_Was he talking to me or himself?_

“Where, Ben? Forgive me but you’re not making a lot of sense. I’m struggling to keep up.”

“Sorry! Bad habit. Before I came here, just after I well ‘died’,” he stated, using his fingers to mimic air quotations, “I was kinda stuck in this strange void. It was dark, but the force felt like everything all at once. Life, death, passion, peace. Every opposite coexisting as one.” He smiled at her, she decided that she’d make him smile as much as she could.

“So, what does that mean?” She allowed a perplexed laugh to escape her lips, “that you’re stuck somewhere in this void between life and death?”

“Yes! Exactly that!” He was beaming now, the elation from before bombarded her through the bond.

“So? You’re definitely not dead then?!” Rey’s excitement was surely bouncing back onto him now, it was so fierce.

“Hm, I wouldn’t say definitely, sweetheart. More like almost.” He rubbed his chin.

“But that means you’re almost _alive,_ too!”

“Yeah. Yeah it does.” He seemed so free, so relaxed it was foreign. She was so used to his shoulders being so stern, his jaw so tight with stress. It was so beautifully new, so beautifully _Ben._

“So, we can bring you back then? All we have to do is figure out how!” Rey felt hope for the first time in a long while.

_“Hope,”_ she remembered Leia telling her once, _“is a powerful thing. Nurture it and it will bloom into something beautiful.”_

“Rey, are you sure that’s a good idea?” He snapped her back to reality, sounding extremely desolate all of a sudden, “I can’t imagine that a lot of people, if any, would be happy with me coming back.” She could see his distress, his heart ache, his _guilt_ , plastered plain as day on his extraordinary features, even if she hadn’t felt it through the bond. “Honestly, I’m not so sure _I_ am...” He had such a self-deprecating tone. Rey wanted to shout at him for even thinking like that.

“Benjamin Solo, don’t you dare say that to me!” Rey was fuming, she curled her hands into fists, did he really hate himself so much he thinks that he _should_ be dead? That he _deserved_ to be?

Ben looked, there was no other way to describe it, utterly dumbfounded and a little bit frightened of her. “I-”

“Listen to me, I don’t give a bantha shit what people think.” She pointed square at his chest, “You are a _good_ man, you may not know it yourself but you are. You gave your life to me, _your life,_ Ben! How much more proof do you need? The galaxy would be utterly in ruins without you. You deserve _so_ much. So much good. Because that’s what you are, so much good.” She pushed her urgency and how much she meant what she was saying to him through the bond.

His breathing became shallow. He was shaking now.

“So, don’t you even think that you aren’t worth it. Don’t you dare. Fuck whoever made you think like that,” she softened her voice, reaching to caress his porcelain cheek with her thumb, he was frozen solid, “I’m so sorry you were made to feel like that, because it’s so far from the truth. You mean everything to me.” She let her forehead rest on his, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Rey,” he choked out. Then suddenly he buried himself into the crook of her neck, closing her into a suffocating embrace. She didn’t mind one bit; _who needs to breathe when I have him?_

His whole body was shaking now. “Rey, I’m so, _so_ sorry for everything I did.” He pulled back to look at her. “I don’t deserve you; I was such a fucking idiot. I was just so- so-”

“ _Lost_.” She supplied. “It’s okay, Ben. I was too. I’m sorry too.” She was combing her hands through his hair, although the wisps were just an echo of the real thing, it still soothed both him and her.

“Rey, never apologise to me. Ever. Promise me. You have _nothing_ to be sorry for.”

“Only if you promise the same. I’m done with it all, I just want you. I _need_ you to come back. Please. Let me help you.”

He took a while to reply, clearly battling with a million thoughts running through his head, fighting with himself. He never let go of her though, his grip tightened if anything.

He desperately searched her eyes, his eyes that shone so bright they could put the sun to shame. “Okay...” he whispered, so quietly she almost missed it.


	4. Never tell me the odds.

It had been two days since Ben’s initial appearance. Two full days of Rey, _completely_ dedicating her time to researching and reading the Jedi texts. She hadn’t been this motivated to read them when there was a war on, she felt a little guilty at that.

Ben seemed to pop up at random moments. _Very_ random. Once he showed up when she had been showering; thank gods he had the decency to turn round quickly before he saw anything. Though, a small part of her was a bit disappointed at that. 

It was a much-welcomed change, his visiting; she actually felt like she had purpose again. She didn’t feel alone anymore. The force had plans for the both of them, plans that were far from finished and she couldn’t wait to figure this all out and get him home.

They fell into a sort of routine. An enjoyable chatter, that made her feel giddy as she raced through every bit of information in the texts that felt relevant to their situation. They talked about everything and nothing; he would ask about her day, what she’d gotten up to, if she’d slept alright the night before, what she’d eaten for dinner. It was almost always the same answers, but he didn’t seem to mind. It felt so terribly wonderful to be cared for, to be so _interesting_ to him. It seemed every bit of dialogue she shared was a treasure to him, he certainly looked at her like it was.

_I don’t think I’ll ever get used to him looking at me like that,_ she thought.

BB-8 had busied himself, bustling off to gods knows where in the day, coming back to _The Falcon_ at night. He chimed a lot about contacting her friends, she _had_ stayed longer than she planned to originally, her holocom was probably brimming with messages. For the life of her she couldn’t bring herself to reply to them. What was she supposed to say?

_“Hi, just busy bringing Ben Solo back from the dead, can’t talk right now,”_ or _“Hi, Rey here. I know I was supposed to come back to you but guess what, I’m buggering off again like the amazing friend I am.”_

_Yeah.._. _I’ll settle for com-silence_.

“Rey?” Ben waved a not-quite-there-hand in front of her face, “you there?”

He shook her out of the line of thought. “Oh, yeah, sorry. Light Years away.” She laughed. It was so easy to laugh now, now that he was here, or rather _almost_ here, now that she had her motivation back. “What did you say?”

“I asked if you were alright. You look worried, sweetheart.”

_Oh yeah, that was a regular too. “Sweetheart”._ She could get used to that.

“I’m great! Why wouldn’t I be?” She lied. She hated lying to him, but she knew he’d feel guilty if she told him about her friends. He’d feel it was his fault that she wasn’t keeping in contact with them. She knows what he’s like; he doesn’t need that right now.

“No reason. I just thought maybe you’d, I dunno, had a change of heart?” Ben replied, in a tone that almost seemed like he was expecting just that. “Because you can, you know. Change your mind. I wouldn’t expect-”

“Ben, with all due respect, shut up.” Rey returned, a teasing smile pulling at her lips, “I’m not gonna change my mind. I’m dragging you back to the land of the living whether you,” she pointed at him, waggling her finger, “like it or not.”

He laughed, gods he had a gorgeous laugh. “Okay then. Just saying.” He placed his hands in a mock surrender. He liked to make her laugh when he’s nervous she had found out.

They were currently situated at the Dejarik table in the middle of the ship, an ancient Jedi text with time worn leather was open, placed over the board that currently wasn’t turned on. He’d failed to mention anything about The Falcon yet, or anything at all about himself now that she thought about it. He was always asking questions to her, never letting her do the same to him.

“Where do you go? When you’re not here?” She asked, suddenly feeling brave enough to pry.

“Oh, um. Like I said before, the ‘void’.” He returned, vaguely as always.

“Yeah, but, what’s it like? I bet you’re terribly lonely, Ben.”

He shrugged, “eh, it’s not so bad. Not now that I know I can come see you.” He turned his gaze away from her, blushing slightly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Besides, time moves differently there. I kinda don’t feel it pass, I just pop back in and out randomly.”

“Hmm.” She supplied. “That’s not really answering my question, Ben.”

“There’s not much to say, it’s dark. It’s literally a void, Rey.”

“I’m sorry.” She returned. He was extremely surprised at that; he wasn’t used to people saying sorry to him. “I promise, I’ll come get you as soon as I can.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know you will. Don’t worry about me.”

_I’ll always worry about you._

She turned her attention back to the text in front of her. “Gosh. I’m finding nothing, Ben.” Rey began skimming her fingers over the yellowed parchment. “These texts, I can’t understand most of it. Can you go over what you said again, please? About how the force felt around you.”

“It feels like- like _balance.”_ He returned.

“Wait, what? You never said that before.” Rey blinked, her mind now reeling with that one word. _Balance._ Where had she felt that before?

“Have I not? I thought I made it pretty clear, with the whole life and death thing.” He chuckled, his laughter dying on his lips when he noticed she looked so lost in thought.

“Rey? Hold on, that spark anything?” He was smiling fully at her now, like he was captivated by her, watching her mind work.

“I- well, sort of?!” She turned to fully face him, his face not too far from her own. “Do you remember, back when we force connected, before I came to you on The Supremacy?”

“You mean, when we touched hands?” He smirked, _-damn that smirk-_ she blushed, “yeah, I remember.”

“Well, the place I was at the time, it was an island, Ahch-To. Have you heard of it?”

“Can’t say it rings a bell.”

“When I first began my training with Luke, albeit short lived as it was,” Ben laughed at that, “I meditated and everything felt so- _”_ she paused, coming to the realisation that she had more of an idea than she thought originally, “ _balanced._ I’d never felt it like that before, not since when you came to me on Exegol-” she blushed again at the memory of him, at how much she fell in love with him all over again when he came to help her.

“I never thanked you for that, did I?!” A horrified realisation swarmed her. She looked desperately into his eyes. “You saved my life, and I never thanked you for it!”

“Woah, hey now, that’s okay. You don’t need to thank me for anything, Rey. It should be me thanking you. For _everything._ You never gave up on me.” He reached for her hand then, intertwining their fingers together.

_If it felt so good to hold his hand now, imagine when he’s really here._

“But I want to, Ben. You have no idea what that meant to me when you came. I can’t thank you enough for it.”

“Well,” he let out a nervous chuckle, brushing his hair through with his hand that wasn’t currently wrapped around hers, “it was my pleasure.”

She giggled. _Enough with the giggling, Rey, gods._

“Anyway, you were saying?” He put her back on track. It was so easy to get distracted by him, especially as he was currently running his thumb over her knuckles in a soothing motion.

“Right.” She said, clearing her throat. “So, the island, it felt so _balanced_ and there was that cave I told you about,”

“The one with all that dark force?”

“Yes, that one. When I was there, I felt like I was supposed to be. At the time it didn’t make sense, but now… Ben, what if that’s a portal to the thingy between whatsits?” She ignored his chuckle at her attempt of its name, she was too excited. “What if that place, that weird mirrorey wall thing I told you about, what if that’s a way to see you, to bring you back?! Didn’t you say you thought it was some kind of door of its own? A door into the force?”

“I did, yes. But, sweetheart, what makes you think that’s where I am? Forgive me, but I’m not seeing the connection.”

“That’s the point, Ben. The _connection. Our connection._ Why did we only start seeing each other through the dyad thing, after I got to Ahch-To? Why didn’t it connect us before that?” She sounded hopeful, she felt hopeful. “And doesn’t this weird appearance of you right now feel the same as those connections? We can touch but we’re not quite _there.”_

“I have to admit, you are making sense. Although, it could have been just a coincidence that we first force connected there.” He was always rationalising everything.

“That’s another thing. I may have skipped over another aspect of the cave that I felt.” She sheepishly replied.

“What do you mean?” Ben’s face had confusion written all over it, she wanted to kiss it all away.

“I felt _you_ there.” Ben’s eyes widened, his grip tightened on her hand, she felt worry spike through the bond. She squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Ben, it’s okay I didn’t mean that you feel like the dark side. I just had a whisper of your force energy when I looked at myself in the reflection. I saw your silhouette. I didn’t realise it at the time, now I know it was.”

“Oh.” His grip loosened, his face not really faltering from his baffled look. “That’s _bizarre.”_

“And too much of a coincidence don’t you think?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He laughed. “As _always_.”

She couldn’t resist rolling her eyes at that, the man knew how to rile her up that's for sure. “Whatever.” She bumped her shoulder with his. “But, do you think this could be it? Because I do, I truly do.”

“I think it’s worth a shot at least. If you’re willing to travel all that way, sweetheart. I understand it’s far from you. Wait? Where _are_ you? Planet wise.” His concern for her was far too addictive, she liked being cared for a little too much.

“Tatooine. I came to bury Luke and your m- Leia’s sabres.” She stopped herself referring to Leia like that to him. She wasn’t sure if his wounds still ran deep.

“You _buried_ the sabres? Whatever for?” His brow furrowed.

“Respect?” Rey realised how weird it would have sounded. “Also, I’m here because a certain tree of a man wouldn’t stop calling me through the force, it took me here. At least I think it was you, that nagging did feel a lot like you.” She was teasing him now, maybe even flirting a bit. Sue her.

“Hey! No need.” He was beaming at her, laughing wholeheartedly and she adored it. She thought of how troubled Kylo Ren must have been for him to never smile like he was now. It broke her heart.

“Hold on, my force signature pulled you to Tatooine? That shithole? If I had any control over that, Rey, I’d have called you to the prettiest planet in the galaxy.” He shook his head, his distaste for Tatooine was comical. She burst out laughing.

“What?” He chuckled with her, “What's funny?”

“Nothing, you’re just an idiot.” She beamed at him.

“Oh, great, thanks.” He replied, no malice behind his words, only pure happiness at her teasing.

She peered up at him through her lashes, her heart soared with love for him. “But you’re _my_ idiot.” _No one else’s._

He breathed a laugh, “Yeah. I am.”

When their flirting died down, she said, “So I guess I’m heading back to Ahch-To then, huh?”

“I guess so, sweetheart.” He smiled slightly, fingers combing through his hair, _again_. Another habit she noticed. “I really hope that’s where I am… I honestly can’t wait to see you. Really see you, I mean.”

“Me too, Ben. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so sorry it took me so long to update. I had a writers block. Somehow I managed to write like five chapters in two days it's ridiculous, so here's two for being so patient. I'll upload the others very soon. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading.
> 
> My tumblr url is @rosetintedlightsaber if you wanted to follow me :)


	5. Someone who still could.

The journey to Ahch-To took its time. It took 42 hours overall to get there from Tatooine, not that long considering the actual distance of space between planets, but it still felt too long for Rey. 

While she had been waiting to get there, as the stars blurred past the window of the cockpit, Rey found herself cleaning the Falcon from top to bottom, turning the off-white, battle worn walls back to just white again. She wanted it to be perfect for Ben if she got him back. 

_When I get him back. This will work. I have to believe that._

BB-8 had been unusually quiet about their change of course; she did have a hard time explaining the ins and outs of what was happening and why. She figured he was just adjusting to the information that she could apparently bring someone back from the dead. Or, he’d finally come to the conclusion she was completely mad. Either way, she missed his snarky replies most of the time. 

When they finally broke through the churning grey atmosphere of Ahch-To, Rey was bombarded with a concoction of force energy. They swirled, danced and coexisted beautifully. 

_Balance,_ Rey thought, _yeah, this has to be the place._

She imagined that this was the feeling Ben was describing in The World Between Worlds. It comforted her; she was _so_ close to getting him back. It made her agitated; she began chewing on her thumbnail.

_I’m coming, Ben. Hang tight._

The sky that blanketed the planet was thick with exasperated clouds that provoked the atmosphere. The expanse of black water seemed to crawl on forever, before finally, _finally,_ the small, familiar rock island, poked its way through the stirring mist. 

Rey navigated the landing on a small clearing of grass, with only a few bumps and grinds. She was getting better at that; landing The Falcon had always been a challenge. The ship had a mind of her own. 

BB-8 had rather shyly asked to stay aboard the ship, while she did _whatever_ she needed to do. Rey agreed to his request. Perhaps the little droid just needed time to accept Ben. 

_That’s okay,_ she thought, _he’ll come around._

When she left the ship, she was hit with the force so hard it almost knocked her off balance. She’d forgotten how _strong_ it was here. It gave her a slight headache.

She also felt something else, something that almost made her cry again. She felt _Ben,_ or rather their bond, flickering like that of a candle. She needed it to roar into a fire. 

_Hope._

The island was so eerily quiet, despite the brutal crashing of the waves, despite the screeches of Porgs peppered all over the island.

Suddenly, as Rey began trekking to the cave that arguably sparked her and Ben’s relationship to begin with, a strange sense of anxiety washed over her, like the sea against the rocks of the island. 

_What if he doesn’t want to be with me after all of this?_ She thought. _What if he gets bored? Or, what if he doesn’t even want to come back?_

_Stop it._ She rationalised her thoughts. _This isn’t about you, he’s stuck, you need to help him._

Just getting closer she almost choked on the dark force spewing from the cave, and when she finally actually got there, it pulled her into its unhinged lullaby once more. Completely entranced she jumped straight into it, plunging into the icy cold water down below without hesitation.

_Ben better appreciate this, I’m fucking freezing._

She was dithering now, climbing out of the pool, her teeth chattering so loud she couldn’t hear anything else. Her clothes, compiled of grey leggings, a white shirt, a darker grey jacket and a poncho, were soaked through, clinging onto her like a second skin. Not to mention her hair was bedraggled, dripping onto her shoulders, down her arms like ink, she hugged herself in an attempt to warm up. Her goose bumped skin stung with cold. 

_Great, I bet I look absolutely stunning._

“You better bloody be here, Benjamin.” She spoke to nothing, her voice ominously without echo despite being in a cavern.

She reached the ice-like mirror wall, one that she had once asked to show her parents, and dragged her eyes over the misted barrier. She felt overpoweringly lonely, _again._ How was she even going to do this?

She placed her right hand against the cold surface. Simply asking it to show her what she needed to see, just like last time.

“Ben.” She whispered, closing her eyes and slipping into a meditative like state. “Show me Ben.” 

She stayed there for a while, how long she couldn’t be sure. Nothing happened. 

She tried again, to no avail. Then again and again and _again,_ until his name spilled from her lips in a choked sob. 

“ _Please_ ,” she was crying freely now, her tears a welcomed heat to her frozen cheeks, “please just, bring him to me.” 

She rested her forehead to the wall, unable to move her hand, or her whole body. He _had_ to come back. She needed him to. If she had felt lonely the first time she came here, this was a whole other level. Her chest ached with longing for him. If this didn’t work, she had no idea what else to do, maybe he was truly lost-

Then she felt it, his force energy, their bond, sputtering back into life. It was stronger than it had been in a while. She lifted her head, opened her eyes and there he was, censored behind the ice, smiling at her. She could make out his big toothy grin despite the blur, it was brighter than she’d ever seen it.

“Rey,” he spoke, his voice muffled behind the wall. “My, Rey. You did it, sweetheart! You found me.” 

“Ben,” she sobbed. “I thought, gods, I thought it didn’t work!” 

“I know.” He sighed, she felt his sympathy through the bond, his urgency to get to her. “I came as fast as I could.” 

He placed his left hand where her right one was currently pressing to the wall. If she tried hard enough, she could almost feel his warmth. 

“What now, angel?” 

_“Angel”?_ She thought, _that’s new._

“Well, reading all the stuff I did about the dyad, _our_ dyad. I discovered that while one of us lives, the other can’t _actually_ die. They’d be transported into a limbo,” she gestured with her left hand towards him, leaving her right where it was, unable to move it from his palm, “so that got me thinking. You transferred your life energy into me, to bring me back, right?”

“Without second thought,” he returned. “I’d do it again.” 

She sighed, _stop being so charming for one second, Ben. Now is not the time to get me distracted._

“Perhaps, all I need to do is to return some of my life energy into yours?” She rushed to add her next comment as quickly as she could at his frightened expression. “Only _some_ , Ben. Half and half.” 

“No.” Was all he said in return.

“What?” 

“I said no. I can’t risk it, Rey. I can’t risk _you._ I won’t do it.” He looked angry now. Rey was seething.

“What?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” She dropped her hand from the wall where his palm was. How dare he stop her now. She’d told him she was going to drag him back whether he approved or not. 

“Sweetheart, listen to me,” 

“No, Ben! Stop it. I know what you’re going to say. That _you’re_ not worth it, that I need to live! I _will_ live if we do this, but even if I didn’t, then we’d be together. I’m not alive without you, I’m breathing, yes, existing, yes. But without you-” she was sobbing unabashedly now, “without you I’m nothing. Truly nothing and I need you. Desperately. I-” _love you._

“ _Rey,”_ he sighed, he sounded utterly defeated. She was breaking his heart, she knew it. “I can’t have you do that for me. Not when you have a life, friends, people who _care_ about you. I shouldn’t have come. Maybe, maybe it’s time for me to go.” 

“NO!” She banged her fists against the wall, all feeling of the cold evaporating as her anger, her _fear,_ started to boil. “You can’t leave me! You, you _promised_ I wasn’t alone. But I am, Ben. I am without you. Please don’t go, please. _Please._ Don’t leave me like everyone else. I can’t take it anymore, not from _you.”_

“I- I-” she didn’t need to see him to know he was crying too, she felt it, his utter sorrow, the conflict racing through his mind. “...but what if it doesn’t work?” He whispered, so quietly she almost didn’t hear it. 

She sniffed, placing her palm back to his. “Then we face whatever happens, _together._ Like it’s supposed to be.” Rey felt weak, she needed to be strong if they were going to do this. “We have to at least try, Ben. _Please_.” 

He was quiet again, for such a long time, the silence was tinnitus in her ears. She waited and _waited._ She could wait for him; she was good at waiting. 

“...You’re never going to give up, are you?” He spoke, finally lacing her ears in the comforting velvet of his voice. 

“Never.” 

“Well, then. I guess I have no choice.” His voice was scarily void of any emotion. “Just know this, Rey. If it doesn’t work,” she opens her mouth to argue against him but isn’t given the chance when he continues with, “ _if_ it doesn’t work, I’m not sure I can forgive you for throwing yourself away, because of _me.”_

“I know.” Is all she replies in return. A weak sounding sentence, so fragile she worried it would have broken when she spoke it. 

He sighs. “So stubborn,” he laughs, more breath than anything else, filled to the brim with uncertainty. “My stubborn girl.”

She’d never liked being referred to as “girl” before. Not before Ben. Somehow, when he said it, she knows he meant it with all the love he could muster. It wasn’t meant as an undermining reference, he was showing her how much she meant to _him._ And only him.

“Always.” She returned. 

They began to mediate the force, the bond between them, their dyad. And slowly, pulsing, Rey began to push her life energy through to him, through her palms to his. 

_Be with me._

_Be with me._

_Be with me._

Rey felt her pulse slow; her limbs were feather light.

_Be with me…_

_Be with me…_

She was slipping, her grip on life was faltering.

_Be wit…_

Everything went white. 

_A dyad. A power over life itself._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll upload as frequently as I can now, promise.
> 
> I've strayed away from canon a bit here and I'll do the same going forward. I'm just making my own story. I need these idiots to be happy okay? sue me lmao
> 
> Also, I don't know if you guys caught on, but I tried to base The World Between Worlds in chapter 2 from Stranger Things, when El does her sensory deprivation mind thingy. I just thought it looked cool. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, all feedback is welcome.
> 
> tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	6. Hello there.

He felt whole. He no longer felt his body faltering between planes of existence, flickering like a candle that could be blown out any second. 

His senses flooded him all at once. The floor was uneven. It bobbled, biting into his back underneath his shirt. The musky scent of damp rock crowded his nose, there was a dripping sound of water falling from the ceiling.

Slowly, Ben opened his eyes, blinking away the sunlight that streamed through cracks above. He felt, there was no other word to describe it, _amazing._ He hadn’t felt this physically good since when Rey had force healed-

“REY?!” He sat up so fast he went dizzy, giving himself whiplash. 

She was lying next to him on the ground. Her eyes were closed, he couldn’t feel her force signature and-

_No._

_“_ NO! No, no, no, no. Rey,” he crawled over to her, eerily similar to how he had on Exegol, it seemed so long ago now, when in reality it was only a few weeks. He pulled her onto his lap, her limp form pliant with any movements he made. “Rey, fuck! Baby _please_. Please, wake up,” he was shaking, sobbing, pleading. His hands roamed all over her face, her arms, her heart. “How could I be so fucking STUPID?! Rey!!” He pulled her close to his chest, burying his head in her hair, breathing in. 

He wanted to scream. His blood _burned_ beneath his skin, he wanted to claw it off.

He pulled back, cradling her beautiful face now vacant with any sign of life. He was going to be sick. How could he do this? He knew the risks, why was he so _selfish_? He just wanted to be with her and now he’d lost her forever, the universe had lost her.

“Angel, _please._ I can’t-” 

Suddenly, colour burst into her cheeks, filling her divine pointed features, her once pale skin tanning by the second. 

Ben watched in awe as he felt her heart beating underneath his palm, warmth spreading across her body like the sunset over the horizon, breath pouring back into her lungs. The bond practically _sang_ as it burst back to life, it was so beautifully strong, so powerful. He’d never felt it like this before.

Her eyelashes fluttered against her prominent cheekbones. Then, slowly, _oh_ so slowly, she opened her eyes and Ben couldn’t breathe. Her green eyes, the colour reminding him of the foliage on Naboo in spring, locked with his own the second she woke. She was angelic.

She sat up in his lap, her arms immediately wrapping around his neck. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, he _never_ wanted to. He’d spend eternity looking at her if she let him.

“Ben?” She asked. She was crying now, smiling so bright it hurt him. 

_Fuck, how does my name sound so good on her lips?_

“Hello,” he managed to breathe out.

Her tears mapped along her perfect cheeks, falling like a soft flurry of snow. He decided then and there he would kiss them off her.

This time, _this time_ , he’d kiss _her_.

Ben surfaced all the courage he could muster to bruise his lips against hers. He cradled her nape, his other arm wrapped around the back of her, holding her so tight to him. He’d never let her go again. He was finally home. Her lips were so soft, so inviting, he couldn’t fight his need to lick at the seam of them. She granted him access and then they were duelling, tasting, giving, taking their fill of one another. She tasted like sunshine, like _Rey_. He knew that he was never going to get enough of this.

Her hands were everywhere on him, his hair, his face, his neck. It was simultaneously too much and not enough.

How long they kissed for was incomprehensible. Time ceased to exist, the universe ceased to exist, all that existed was her. He only reluctantly pulled back when his lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen.

She looked at him with _pure adoration_. No one had ever looked at him like that. Her eyes earnestly searched for confirmation that this was real. That they were here, _alive_.

“It worked,” she sighed. “It worked!” They were both crying shamelessly. 

“It did, Rey. My beautiful, Rey. You’re so incredible! Look what you did!”

She cupped his cheek then, eyes glistening with tears about to fall. “What _we_ did, Ben.”

He shook his head, nuzzling into her palm. He then pressed his hand around hers, keeping it there as long as he could. He began to kiss it, then kiss it again, then trailed kisses from the inside of her wrist, across her arms, up her neck and plastered her face with them.

She squealed in delight, happiness practically surged across the bond to him, he bounced his own right back. 

Finally, when satisfied there was no skin on her face untouched with kisses, he pulled away. 

“I love you. Kriff, I love you so much, Rey.”

Her bottom lip quivered, she hiccupped. “I love you, too. I’ve never loved anything like you.” 

He was speechless. He figured everything he’d ever been through was worth it. It was so worth it when she was at the end waiting for him. If she _loved_ him.

“Ben,” she interrupted his reverie, “how are you wearing this shirt? I’m so confused.” She was laughing now, pure elation. It was the most gorgeous sound he’d ever heard and it went straight to his groin. 

“I have no idea,” he joined her laughter, “perhaps the one you wore has disappeared now?” 

He suddenly noticed how soaked through she was, how cold her skin began to feel. 

“Rey, you’re shivering. We have to get you out of this cave, back into warmth.” 

“Okay,” she blinked, “I’d like that please.” She replied, teeth chattering.

He helped her up, gently taking her hand and lifting her off his lap. He wrapped his hands around her, rubbing up and down her arms in an attempt to get the blood flowing.

“Um, I’m not gonna pretend to know how to get out of here to impress you. Why don’t you lead the way?” 

She giggled. _Giggled._

_Fuck._

“This way,” she said, turning to offer her hand to him. He grasped it, intertwining their fingers together.

She led him through tunnels, over small stone bridges and stairs, the entire time they constantly stole glances at each other, like two love sick teenagers.

When they had finally emerged from the darkness, he squinted his eyes to adjust to the setting suns and noticed The Falcon in the distance. She was pulling him towards it.

He froze.

“Ben?” Confusion and worry mapping over her features, stemming through the bond. “You okay? What’s wrong?” 

“I- um. I don’t think-” he struggled to find the courage to speak. He hadn’t been on the Falcon in years, not _really_ been on it anyway, only when he connected with Rey. There were too many memories, too much pain, too much _guilt._

She followed his line of sight and registered straight away.

“Oh.” She said. “Of course! We don’t have to go back to the ship if you aren’t ready, there are a few huts in the main village area. We could go there, instead?” 

He looked at her, she was so understanding. Gods how he loved her. 

He swallowed thickly. “Yes, please.” 

She pulled him in the opposite direction, heading down too many uneven rocky steps - _gods how many steps are there on this island?_ And when they finally reached the old abandoned village, he felt a pull to a particular spot. 

He dropped Rey’s hand and walked over to a small foundation, it was piled with broken rock and stone. This clearly was a hut that had been destroyed.

Rey walked to stand beside him, looking to the rubble. “That was my old hut.” She glanced up at him now. “Before it got blown up by Luke.” She tutted. It was so funny to hear her scold other people, Ben was glad it wasn’t him. Not after the shouting matches and actual matches they had over the time they’d known each other. 

“Ah.” 

“That’s where we touched hands.” She said meekly, a slight flush creeping up her neck and cheeks. _Adorable._

“Oh,” he chuckled. “No wonder I was so drawn to it.” 

She was blushing fully now, as red as his old sabre. He was going to make her blush constantly, he decided.

She turned away and pointed at the largest hut to the left of the town. “Is it okay if we went in that one? It was Luke’s old hut, surely it has some blankets and a fire pit we could use to warm up.”

“Sure, sweetheart. Sounds like a good idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tehe I wonder what two love sick idiots could possibly get up to in a hut all by themselves? ;)
> 
> tumblr @rosetintedlightsaber


	7. Luke's hut.

The hut looked untouched. Clearly, Luke had a habit of leaving his old homes this way. The locals on the island had obviously been taking care of the small home, just in case he’d ever come back; there was no dust, no clutter. Rey was saddened that they didn’t know he was gone.

Rey had been right about the blankets and the fire pit in the middle of the room. There was even a small bed pushed to the back of the space, though she struggled to imagine Ben fitting his enormous body onto it. 

_Ben,_ she thought, _he’s actually here._

There was a desk to the left of the entrance, piled with old books just like Luke’s room on Tatooine. The only thing missing were the posters on the wall and the model X-Wing. Rey made a mental note to place it somewhere on the Falcon when she’d found a good enough spot for it. 

The door frame was just the right size for Rey to fit in. Ben, on the other hand, had to duck excessively, turning to the side slightly in order to fit through. She giggled at this.

“What?” He smiled down at her. 

“Oh, nothing.” She laughed. “Tree.” She mock-coughed.

“Scavenger.” He retorted with his own cough.

She rolled her eyes. She really needed to get out of these clothes, they were starting to itch. 

Ben busied himself flicking through a book on the desk and taking in his surroundings, she began to prepare the fire. Rey had been used to starting a fire with nothing but sticks and soon it crackled and licked at the air nicely. It was already warming her up.

Ben turned around to smile at her, his face gorgeously lit up by the amber glow cast from the fire pit. “Better?” He asked.

“Much.” 

“Good.” He offered her another toothy grin.

_Stop it before I snog it off you._

“Um, Ben. I really need to get out of these clothes,” they both turned red, “I mean, they’re making me soaked through,” she hurried to add.

He cleared his throat, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Oh, yeah of course. I’ll just um, step outside.” 

_Or you could stay,_ she wanted to say. She instead settled for, “Thanks. I’ll call you back in when I’m decent.” 

As soon as he left, she practically tore her clothes off, placing them near the fire to dry, her boots near the door. Her skin was tingling from the damp and the cold, her bare feet were like ice against the stone floor. She left her breast band, arm wraps and underwear on; she wasn’t about to be naked in front of him. _Not yet._ She pushed that errant thought to the back of her head. _You just got him back, you’ll scare him off._

Picking up one of the folded blankets that was placed at the foot of Luke’s old bed, she wrapped herself in it. It was frayed, itchy, though a lot less than her wet clothes, with stray bits of fabric that poked out. It would have to do. She was careful to ensure she was modest.

“Ben? You can come in now.” 

He made his very ungraceful entrance through the doorway once more, causing a smile to play at her lips. 

“Thank you.” Rey spoke. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, bringing her knees up to her chest so that the entire blanket surrounded her. 

He let out a breathy laugh. “It’s fine.” 

He walked over to her and gestured to the space next to her. “Is it okay if I join you?” He asked.

“Sure. I’d like that.” She smiled back at him. 

_You don't have to ask, Ben._

As he sat down, she felt the bed suddenly dip — _he’s bloody huge._ Half the bed was suddenly filled with Ben, their shoulders brushing in contact with every movement.

The fire popped against the comfortable silence that settled over the room. Rey had never felt so cosy in her life. She was soon warming up, and her hair was almost fully dry now. 

It was Ben who broke the quiet. “What are those weird creatures I just saw?” He asked quizzically.

“What? The Locals?!” She exclaimed. “Ben that’s racist!” 

“No! I didn’t mean- I didn’t even know people lived here!” He returned, albeit extremely panicked. “I meant the animal I saw, the little bog eyed creature with wings.”

“Ohhhh.” She burst out laughing. He joined in, although his laugh was more of a nervous chuckle. “Gods I was worried for a second there.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “Those are the Porgs.” 

“Porgs? Is that what they’re called? The potato with wings and enormous eyes?” 

“Yes, Ben.” She laughed. “The potato with wings and enormous eyes.” 

“Never seen anything like that before.” He replied.

“They’re native. Terribly cute, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, stupidly.” Ben chuckled.

“The locals don’t like me very much,” Rey offered, trying to keep the conversation flowing. Why was she so nervous? Hadn’t they just been sucking face moments ago?

“Oh? Why?”

“Well, I _may_ have accidentally... smashed a few... ancient mosaics... and potentially _some_ old ruins during my training here.” 

He sniggered. “Oh boy.” 

“Yeah. So, if you run into any of them, just pretend you don’t know me. They’ll probably like you then.” Rey joked. 

“I don’t think I could manage that.” He teased, smirking at her.

She looked away, attempting to hide her very obvious blush. 

“Though, you know, that’s _nowhere near_ as bad as me. When I was a kid, when the force ‘made itself known to me’, the number of things I broke,” he whistled to emphasise the amount. “I had pretty nightmare tantrums.” 

Rey chuckled at that. “I can imagine. No offence but you do have a _bit_ of a temper.” 

“None taken.” He laughed. “I ought to work on that, huh?” 

“Nah, it’s kinda cute.” She rested her head on his shoulder, suddenly needing contact with him desperately. “You get riled up over the silliest things.” 

He turned, placing a kiss to her head. “Well don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.” He mocked. 

He wrapped his arm around her, bringing her snug against his chest. It felt so pleasant to be held by him. She let out a peaceful sigh, listening to his heartbeat _—rather a bit too fast,_ against his chest. His force signature danced with her own, twirling between them. Their bond sang with the close proximity.

_He’s real. He’s alive. He’s here._

She looked up at him then, watching the light from the fire flicker over his extraordinary face. He was so handsome it made her weak. Every single feature of his was like a work of art, _especially_ his nose. She loved his nose.

“You lose something over there, sweetheart?” 

_Ben, if you don't stop calling me that I’m not responsible for my lip’s actions._

“Sorry, I just- I can’t believe you’re really here.” She spoke, misty eyed.

He looked down at her — _their faces were so close,_ and he sighed. “Me neither. I half expect it all to be a dream. An impossibly wonderful dream.” His eyes flicked down to her lips.

She just _had_ to kiss him after that. 

“Ben?” 

“Hm?”

“Could I-Would it be ok if I were to kiss you again?” She asked, a little too breathlessly for her liking. 

She felt his warm, liquid laugh vibrate against his chest.

“I would like that, very much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um.. next chapter is smut... 
> 
> I may be too nervous to post it and have to rework some things. It depends if I have a surge of confidence and a smut chapter is something you lot want to see. I'm a little embarrassed to upload it; I've never uploaded anything like that before.
> 
> Please let me know what you want/think. All feedback is welcome :)
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	8. As the force wills it.

Rey bit her lip and slowly moved towards his plush mouth. It felt like years before they finally connected despite how close they were originally. This kiss was softer than the others they had shared, but somehow it was that more intimate. It was all teasing brushes, contented sighs. She moved to wrap her arms around his neck, completely forgetting that she was only in her underwear as the blanket slipped off her shoulders. 

He broke the kiss. “Um, Rey... your blanket,” he whispered, his breath fluttering over her cheeks.

“Huh? Oh,” she breathed.

Rey didn’t move to put the blanket back on. Instead, they stared at each other, froze in position; Rey almost naked, Ben fully clothed.

Their breathing became very shallow. His eyes darkened, and the way he was _looking_ at her _—like she was everything he had ever wanted_ , made her acutely aware of a wet sensation that presented itself between her legs. He wet his lips and Rey followed his tongue as it darted out over them. She felt something foreign cross the bond. It was warm, urgent and _oh-_

_He was turned on. That’s arousal._

Unaware of who initiated what, they both tumbled into a messy kiss. Tasting each other, Ben nipped at her lower lip, Rey nipped back. His hands were all over her back, her neck, her hips, her waist, in her hair. 

_Fuck, those hands._

It was like he couldn’t get enough of touching her. Needing _more,_ needing friction.

She pulled him down by his neck, manoeuvring their position so she was lying against the bed, her legs on either side of his body. He _towered_ over her; she was completely covered by Ben. She needed more.

He began leaving kisses along her jaw, down her neck and Rey gripped onto him for dear life. 

“ _Ben,”_ she moaned, entirely accidentally.

It seemed to elicit a strong reaction from him because he _growled_ against her neck. He gently bit and sucked a mark onto her throat; Rey had never felt anything more erotic in her life. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt, bringing it up to his shoulders, he broke his kisses to remove the rest. Then, he returned to kissing her mouth with his sweet plush lips.

They continued the kiss for a while, tongues sliding over each other, his hands roaming up the outside of her thigh —until he broke it, panting, and pulled back to sit up. Rey chased her lips to meet him but he was already sitting up, facing the door. He looked _embarrassed._

“Ben? What’s wrong?” She sounded far too crestfallen for her liking.

_Oh, gods he doesn’t want me._

He shook his head, turning to her and intertwined their fingers. 

_Shit. Here it comes: The rejection._

Rey’s breathing began to quicken, her palms sweating. She couldn’t deal with another rejection, _especially_ not from him.

“Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart,” Ben laughed, a self-deprecating one. “Shit, everything's amazing! It’s just-” he looked down, his cheeks a crimson contrast from his snowy skin. “I’ve never,” he cleared his throat, “done this before.” He offered shyly, gesturing to the both of them. 

“Oh,” was all she could reply. He wasn’t rejecting her, he was _nervous._ “Really?!” 

_Fuck, why did I say that?_

Ben’s head shot up; his eyes widened larger than she’d ever seen them before. “Um. Yes.” The tips of his ears were red now too. _So cute._

Embarrassment burned through the bond to her. She had to rectify this quickly.

“Sorry! I don’t know why I said that! I just sort of assumed you had and that I was,” she picked at her fingernails, searching for the rest of her sentence, “the only one who hadn’t...”

“Oh.” Ben looked perplexed. “You haven’t?”

She shook her head. Suddenly, the reality of the situation hit her. 

_Oh gosh, I was gonna have sex with him._

“Huh,” was all he replied. “That’s, um, cool.” He cringed at himself with his word choices, turning away.

She laughed, easing the tension slightly. She moved to wrap her arm around his neck, her other hand moving his face to look at her.

“Ben, I would like to, though,” brushing her fingers through his hair. “With you.” She had no idea where this new found courage came from. 

His hands settled on her waist. “Same,” he breathed.

“We can take it slow,” she gently pecked his lips, “no rush.” 

He nodded. And then they were kissing again, slower, far more delicately than before. They resumed their position from earlier, Rey lying on her back, Ben looming over her, both of his hands pressed next to her head to hold him up.

His body was utterly _huge,_ chiselled and muscular. His skin was dusted with moles, she wanted to connect them with her tongue. It made her even more turned on _—if she could even be any more._ Teasingly, testing the waters, she bucked her hips up, grinding slightly against his leg, needing friction desperately. He let out an “ _hmph_ ” sound against her lips and then lowered his body down further, leaning on his elbow. 

She felt something prodding at her hip, it was hard, _really_ hard. 

_Oh._ Rey thought. _That’s his-_

She moved her body again, not once breaking their kiss, so that her coremade contact with the outline of his cock. He grasped her thigh with his right hand, squeezing so hard she would definitely have bruises there tomorrow. She buckled again, meeting his clothed dick with her motion, it sent white hot pleasure through her whole body. She whimpered.

“Fuck, _Rey,”_ he moaned against her lips. “Do that again.” 

So, she did. Then again, and again, until they were dry humping through the fabric. She was so wet; she’d never been this turned on in her whole life. He began to kiss slowly down her neck, licking, nibbling, _tasting_ her skin. He eventually reached her breasts, covered by the bandages wrapped securely around them. 

He peered up at her, eyes searching for permission. She nodded quickly, and helped him get it off her. Then he stopped, _again._ His eyes roamed over the sight of her bared breasts, her pink little nipples pebbled, though not from the cold. 

“I thought you were beautiful, Rey but this-” his breath hitched, “ _this_ is a whole other level.” 

She blushed. Before she could reply with her own appreciation, he dived and took her left nipple into his mouth, gently squeezing the other with his palm —she fit completely inside it. His tongue began swirling over and over again. She squealed.

“ _Gods,”_ she sighed, “don’t stop, Ben.”

His right hand skimmed over the outside of her thigh towards the inside. His skin delightfully burned against her own _—she never wanted it to stop._ He slowly — _so slowly,_ moved his fingers up the inside of her leg, until it rested just below her panties. The entire time Rey could do nothing but cling onto him, like if she let go, he’d stop, he’d disappear. She opened her legs wider, granting him access.

He removed his mouth from her left nipple with a slick _pop_ sound and moved his attention to the other one. He nipped this time and she yelped.

“Shit, sorry!” Panic flared through the bond.

“No,” she panted, “it’s fine, it was just a little too hard that's all.” She cupped his cheek; he was red hot. “Be gentle, please.” 

He nodded and resumed his work, biting just ever so slightly and it was the most _incredible_ feeling in the world. 

When he was satisfied that both her nipples had received enough attention, he began kissing her lips again. 

She moved to unzip his trousers but was caught at the wrist by a huge, powerful hand; it wrapped all the way around it.

“Not yet,” he breathed against her lips, “I’m not done with you, _yet.”_

_Holy fuck._

She’d dreamt of him saying something like that to her. 

His hand resumed its exploration of her inner thigh, eyes not leaving hers for a second, until he dipped slightly into the seam of her underwear. 

“May, I?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed; way too excited.

He chuckled, _darkly_ , and it reverberated through his naked chest and onto hers. How delicious it was being skin to skin like this with him. How long she’d thought about this all alone, even when she knew she shouldn’t.

“Hmm,” he sighed. “All _alone,_ huh?”

She must have accidentally pushed that thought to him, her cheeks burned hot. 

“I- um, _yes.”_

He pulled her panties to the side, skimming his thumb over her bud of nerves. Jolts of pleasure shot through her.

“You’ll have to tell me about that another time,” he growled.

She nodded, whimpering when he pressed harder over her clit. 

“Fuck, you’re so _wet,_ baby.” He kissed her again, “...dreamed about you being this wet for me.” 

_Yes, yes, yes._

“Only for _you_ , Ben.” Where was this coming from? She hoped it never stopped. For someone so nervous only moments ago, he was _very_ good at this. He growled again.

He dipped a finger into her slit, pushing so softly, _so_ gently into her. She moaned unabashedly. 

“That good?” He asked, pushing his middle finger all the way into her now — _Gods his finger is so large._ She felt her pulse around it.

“ _Stunning,”_ she sighed. 

He thrust his digit in and out of her, drenching him. “ _Good._ ” He was kissing her neck now. “Think you could handle another one?”

_Oh gods, yes please._

_Okay, sweetheart._ He replied through the bond, and moved to stretch her around another finger. 

“You’re so _tight_ ,” he whispered in her ear. 

His wrist found a rhythm and she was shamelessly riding his hand with every thrust. She felt a building in her core, a tightening and she knew she was close _—so very close._

“ _Ben,”_ she moaned again, “Ben, I’m- I’m,”

“Come for me, Rey. My beautiful, Rey. Come around my fingers, angel. Please.” He quickened his pace, thumb curling around her clit, kissing her soundly on the mouth. Her hands clawed at his back and his neck, leaving scratch marks in their wake. “Need to see it,” he breathed.

She came with a soft “ _Ben,”_ dripping from her kiss swollen lips. She squeezed her eyelids shut; fireworks burst behind them. She arched her back, Rey’s whole body tingled with pleasure to the tips of her fingers and toes. It was a languid orgasm, pulling her under the waves that rippled throughout.

When the waves had settled, she heard a very deep, very gruff voice say, _“Holy fuck,”_ lacking complete finesse. 

She giggled. “Holy fuck, indeed.” Rey brushed her fingers through his dark locks.

Then, he was kissing her again, removing his fingers from her, turning them over and pulling her on top of him. She was straddling him now. He lifted her up and shimmed her panties completely off. She was stark naked with him, save for her arm wraps, for the first time; she’d never been naked in front of anyone before.

All the nervousness she felt dissipated as he declared, “You’re an angel. You know that?” He was staring at her with complete awe. Hands moving to cup her arse, giving it a slight squeeze. “So perfect.” 

She had no words. Everything was so _incredible._ She settled for snogging him senseless in reply, hands fumbling with the zipper on his trousers. There was no resistance this time, he needed it. She could feel it.

He helped her get his trousers off, pulling his underwear down along with it. His cock was finally freed. It settled against his stomach, impossibly alert. _I did that,_ she thought. 

It was so _big_ , though. Her eyes widened. _How was it going to fit?_

“Um, Rey?” His face and the tips of his ears were burning red. 

She realised she had been just staring at it, completely dumbfounded. 

“Sorry! I just- it's so _big_ ,” she giggled, “how is it going to fit?”

_“Fuck.”_ Was all he could say. “You keep saying stuff like that and I don’t think I’ll last…” 

She decided that she didn’t want him to. She was going to make him enjoy this as much as she had. 

“Ben, could I touch you?”

All he did was give a curt nod in reply. He swallowed thickly. 

Rey gently wrapped her hand around the middle of it, he hissed a moan. She watched his face as she began to move her hand up him, slowly. His eyes fluttered shut, breathing ragged, his head hit the back wall. She wiped her thumb across a bead of pre-cum that settled at the top of the head, he moaned. 

“Fuck, _Rey,”_ he moaned. “Shit, that’s so good.” 

He watched her then, watched how her dainty hand couldn’t quite fit around his cock, how she pulled up and down, testing squeezes. How her small breasts bounced with the movement. It was all too much, too perfect — _euphoric_. He was going to come if she didn’t stop.

“Rey,” he hissed through gritted teeth, grasping her wrist to stop her, “I’ll finish, stop.”

“No, Ben. I want you to enjoy it. Relax.” 

“No.” He moved her hand away, kissing her thoroughly. “I want to do something else first, before I do.” 

“Oh,” she blinked. Rey’s mouth dried, she suddenly became very nervous.

He must have felt her worry spike through the bond to him because he rushed to add, “Unless you don’t want to, angel. We can just touch or we can stop. Whatever you want-”

“No! I want to! I'm just-” _nervous, worried, shy, say something Rey,_ “...what if it hurts?” _No, not that!_

His features grew so sympathetic, she almost felt his heart squeeze through their bond. “Oh, Rey,” he said, lacing each syllable with soft worry _—with_ _care._ “We can stop any time. You just say when. I promise this is all about you. You’re in control.” He brushed her hair over her ear, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. 

Somehow, he knew exactly what to say to her to make her feel more confident. He had a way of making her feel safe, like no matter what, he’d love her, he’d _always_ be there. 

“Okay,” she whispered, “I think I’m ready.” 

He nodded, giving her a warm smile. “I do have to ask one thing though, sweetheart.” 

“Oh?”

“Well, The World Between Worlds didn’t really have a condom machine, so, err…” 

“Oh! I’m on a contraceptive thingy majiggy. Women in the Resistance were sorta required to get them, save any unplanned surprises,” she giggled, he was so caring and thoughtful. She’d completely forgotten about that; thank gods his head was on straight. “Also, I’m clean, _obviously_.” She snorted.

_Snorting, Rey? Sexy._

He chuckled, “I am too, _obviously,”_ mimicking her.

“So…” she leaned forward, resuming the soft brushes of lips from the very start. 

He pulled her hips forward, deepening their kiss. She felt his cock trapped against them now, against her belly. She experimentally lifted onto her knees, bucking her core into it. Her clit slid over his shaft, sending sparks of pleasure coursing through her.

He let go of her mouth completely to give the most undignified moan she’d ever heard. She breathed a laugh.

“ _Fuck,_ ” was all he could say. He said that a lot. 

He was trembling now, but then again, so was she. Were they really about to do this?

He thrust against her this time, then again, and again. Her moans grew louder, so did his. She was unbearably empty, she needed him inside her, _now._

“Ben, now. Please,” she whimpered, “I need you inside me, _now.”_

“Gods, Rey,” he grabbed his cock, moving it along her slit to coat it in her wetness. 

“ _Ben,”_

“Okay,” he breathed, he was nervous too, she felt him tremble underneath her. “Rey, tell me if I-'' he moaned as she ground against him once more, “tell me if I hurt you, baby.” 

She nodded, “I will, I promise,” she was getting impatient, “now _please,_ Ben. Fuck me.” 

“Force, Rey.”

He pushed, ever so slightly, into her opening. He growled again. Gradually, he pushed past her walls, sliding the head into her. She gasped. 

“Okay?” He breathed, grasping onto her for dear life. He needed this, she needed to calm down, he was being so sweet to her. 

“Hm hm.” She nodded, leaning her forehead against his, suddenly she had no ability to speak. 

_That’s okay, angel. We can talk like this if you wanted. Or not at all._

_Ben, I-_

Even her mind went blank as he pushed a little further into her, they both moaned in unison. She began to feel a slight sting as she stretched around to accommodate the intrusion. He was so _thick._

Little by little he began to sheath himself inside her, filling her completely. She winced, it felt strange. She felt utterly stretched open.

“Rey, you ok?” He was panting, his pleasure pulsing through to her. He was now fully seated within.

_Yes, I just need a minute,_ she thought to him.

“Ok,” he replied. 

“...please...Ben... be gentle. You’re splitting me in two.” 

“Of course, sweetheart.” He managed to breathe out, “Whatever you need.” 

When her breathing slowed to a normal pace, and the pain subsided, she was instantaneously flooded with an immense, overwhelming pleasure from both her and Ben. The bond was chorusing because of their physical connection, the force felt completely _balanced._ It was thick in the air surrounding them. 

“ _Ben, oh gods.”_ She moaned, “you can move now, fuck, please move.” 

He nodded against her forehead, bringing their lips into a soft kiss. He gently pulled out of her slightly, before driving back inside.

_Oh fuck, that felt so fucking good._

He did it again, and again, each time leaving her body more and more to exaggerate the feeling of sliding back inside. They found a rhythm then, her hips moving in time with his thrusts. Rey felt completely in euphoria. She had always heard horror stories of a girl’s first time, how pleasuring a woman was akin to searching for a needle in a haystack: entirely too complex and almost impossible. 

This was far from that. Being with Ben, like this? It was complete and utter _ecstasy_ , no other way to describe it. It felt right, it felt _perfect_ , it was everything she’d ever imagined it would be and more. He was fucking incredible to fuck. 

His moans, his _growls,_ the feel of his cock buried inside her, stretching her out, hitting that perfect spot inside that made her scream in pleasure. It was all too much. All too much and not enough.

_More. More, Ben. More._

His thrusts were quickening now. Ben left fervent kisses on her mouth, on her neck, on her _breasts_ ; their desperation to feel each other, to have each other like this, only building. She felt adored, _loved._ She’d never felt that before, it was so addicting. 

Rey clung onto his shoulders like her life depended on it, and actually, she felt as though it did. There was nothing better than this, _this_ was being alive. 

“Oh, _fuck, Rey. Shittt._ Baby, you feel so damn good.” 

“So…do... you,” she managed to squeak out. 

“So, fucking, _tight._ Gods, you’re so fucking perfect...” he was speaking in gibberish now, switching between languages. Almost all of it praising her, the rest were pure expletives. 

She was close now — _they were close?_ She could feel his pleasure screaming just as loud as hers. She actually pitied anyone who didn’t have a dyad in the force, they were really missing out.

“Ben, Ben, _gods, Ben.”_ His name was the only thing she could say, she was thanking him in a way. His name was like a blessing.

“ _Reyyy,”_ he growled.

_Fuck, growl my name again._

_“Reyyyy,”_ he repeated, right in her ear.

“Ben, I’m, I’m gonna-”

“Me too, baby. FUCK, me too.”

Pure, blinding white pleasure burst through her, burst through _him._ He was filling her now, spending himself deep within her. She was tightening, fluttering around his cock. It seemed to go on for years. It was so _delicious._

His face was buried in the crook of her neck, her hands wrapped protectively around his head as they rode out their high. Their breathing heavier than it had ever been, their hearts thumping in unison. Everything was how it should be.

He collapsed against the bed, bringing her with him as he gripped her body like a vice with his arms surrounding the entirety of her. His cock slipped out of her and she whimpered at the loss. They stayed like that for forever it seemed. Completely lost within each other. 

Rey was the first to come to, mustering enough strength to lift her head to look up at him.

She beamed at him, “Hello.” 

He chuckled underneath her, his laughter vibrating through his chest to hers. 

“Hello, there,” he replied, looking extremely sated. 

She moved to give him a peck on the lips, stopping inches from his face and whispered, “We are _definitely_ doing that again.” 

“Anything you want, my angel,” he returned, caressing her cheek with the back of his index finger. “You can have anything you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so, I decided to just rip the bandage off. Fuck it. 
> 
> hope it wasn't too cringe.
> 
> come bully me about writing this fic Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	9. There is passion. There is serenity.

Streams of morning sunlight broke through the cracks of the time-worn, moss embellished walls of the biggest hut on Ahch-To. The distinct ashen smell of a dead fire filled the enclosed environment, and the restful, heavy snores of a very large man underneath Rey, gave the loud screeches from the Porgs a run for their money. 

She squinted her eyes awake, promptly aware of the dull ache of her muscles and the slight sting between her legs. She shifted herself over Ben’s _naked_ body, her bare breasts pressing into his chest. She draped her leg over his hips to make herself more comfortable. 

_Holy shit, we had sex —multiple times._

They’d continued to wear themselves out way into the night, managing another _three_ times before they both collapsed from exhaustion. Rey giggled at the memory. She couldn’t believe they’d actually done it. Obviously, they had a lot of catching up to do; they were making up for lost time.

She moved her fingers to delicately map along the smooth, fair skin of his broad chest. They followed in swirls and circular patterns over his right pectoral, which was _enormous_ to say the least. 

_Force, what kind of workout did he do for this body?_

She placed her palm flat against it now, moving to peck his chest with her lips. She felt him stir awake underneath her — _in more ways than one._

Ben adjusted his body and she almost fell off the bed, he was taking up the whole of it. Rey had simply just been balancing on top of him. 

She yelped and clung onto him for dear life to save her falling. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her, gathering her up onto his body, leaving a soft kiss to the crown of her head. 

He chuckled his liquid whiskey laugh, making her shiver. “Sorry,” he said, voice laden with sleep, “this bed is ridiculously small.”

She looked up at him, her hair fanning over his shoulder. “It’s not ridiculously small, Ben. You’re just ridiculously _huge.”_

Ben exhaled a laugh. “ _Alright_ , whatever,” he retorted, mock-offended. 

He turned to look at her, sunlight caressing his face, making his normally dark eyes look like honey. “Morning.” 

“Morning,” she giggled. “You snore, _loud.”_

“Do not!” 

“Do too! I think I’m deaf now actually. The Porgs are quieter than you.” 

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. Ben moved his right hand from her waist, the other wrapped around her shoulder, and began to idly stroke the skin of her sun-kissed thigh, tracing her freckles. She shivered again, the movement making her tingle, going straight to her core. 

“Ben, _last night…”_ She said, drowsy and drunk on him.

He was smirking fully now, all attention on her naked thigh. “‘Bout time, huh?” 

“I think so.” She giggled. “How are we going to stop?” Rey continued; voice barely above a whisper.

He snorted. “What do you mean?” He turned his face centimetres close to hers; his breath tickled her cheeks.

“Well, what else is there to do? The war’s over, we have _all_ this time. Forgive me, but I don’t think we have a choice,” she teased. 

“You make a valid argument, angel. Can’t dispute that.” His breathing was ragged now, voice still brimming with his smirk. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, moving his right hand higher to cup her arse. 

“ _Ben,”_ she breathed, “I’m a bit sore, you know, down there…” 

“Oh. Ok. Sorry about that...” He went to move his hand away from her arse, but she caught it, placing it back where it was.

“I didn’t say we needed to stop, Ben. I just can’t do the full thing.” She was purring now, she didn’t care. “I’m asking you to be gentle.” 

A dark chuckle escaped him. “I can think of a _few_ things we can do. I’ll be _soft_ , baby. I promise.” 

“Hmm,” she moaned into his lips.

His hand gave a slight squeeze to her arse, before moving over and down between her legs. He was right, he was being _so gentle._ Ben delicately traced a finger over her clit, attentively slow as to not hurt her. He began rubbing around it in leisurely circles, causing liquid pleasure to bubble over her body. 

“ _Oh,”_ she moaned, “like _that._ Don’t stop.” 

He moved to whisper in her ear. “I’ll never stop, baby. Not if I can help it. _Gods,_ Rey if you knew how good you sounded, how heavenly you felt.” 

She giggled a moan in reply.

Ben gently moved his index finger down towards her slit, replacing his thumb on her clit. Maintaining the slow, steady circles, he gently dipped into her. He bit her neck.

“ _Fuckkk,_ how are you so wet already, sweetheart?” He groaned into her neck. He was in awe of her, she felt it trickle through the bond. “My insatiable girl,” he chuckled.

She pulled his head back and kissed him, deeply, sliding her tongue over his in rhythm with his finger movements. Her moans were getting louder.

“That’s it, baby. Moan for me, let me hear you sing.” 

What could only be described as a very shocked, very _embarrassed_ , loud set of beeps came from the door. 

“SHIT!” Ben shouted, immediately covering Rey away from the intruder, attempting to preserve what little modesty she had left.

Ben scrambled to get the blanket at the end of the bed to cover them both. Rey jumped so hard she thought her heart would give out. 

The orange and white droid sped out of the hut as fast as his little spherical body could carry him, leaving behind numerous cursive beeps.

“BB-8?!” Rey called after him. No answer. “Oh, my gods!” She was horrified. 

Rey turned to Ben who was currently beside himself with laughter. “Ben! It’s not funny! That’s _mortifying!”_ She playfully slapped his shoulder. 

“Rey, it’s fucking _hilarious._ Come on!” He was unabashedly cackling now, “Was that what I think it is?” 

“‘ _The droid_ ’, yes.” 

“For fucks sake, that just makes it even funnier,” he was chortling now, Rey was getting slightly annoyed. “I spend ages trying to find _that_ little droid because it has a stupid map, to _this very island,_ and it ends up cockblocking me. Priceless,” he continued.

Rey sighed and rolled her eyes impressively hard. 

_Men._

She moved to stand up, fetching her clothes from where she’d left them to dry the night before. Ben had them out of her hands before she could even react. 

“Ben! Give them back!”

“Nuh huh, why’re you in such a rush to get dressed, sweetheart? It’s just us. _Well,”_ he laughed, “it is _now.”_

She snatched them back off him. “Har har, _funny_ ,” she replied, entirely unamused.

“Oh, come on, Rey I’m just joking with you. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she lied.

She hurriedly put on her clothes, and ran outside after BB-8. He was nowhere to be seen. “BB-8?!” She shouted. No answer again. Rey sighed, returning back to the hut.

Ben had currently one leg in his trousers and his shirt on backwards. _Idiot,_ she thought. 

“Rey?” He said, putting the other trouser leg on. 

“I don’t know where he is now! I can’t believe that just happened, I’m so embarrassed. Oh, my gods. I feel terrible.” She slumped onto the edge of the bed, head in her hands. How was she going to explain this to Bee Bee?

Ben came and sat beside her, pulling her into his embrace. “Rey, I’m sure it’s fine. We probably just gave it the scare of its existence, that’s all,” he chuckled.

“ _Him. His,”_ she corrected him.

“What? Oh. _His_ existence then.” He began rubbing her back to cheer her up. “He probably didn’t even know what was happening.”

“Gods,” she looked up at Ben, “do you think he’ll forgive me?” 

“Rey, sweetheart, there’s nothing to forgive. You were enjoying yourself, in _privacy_ , might I add. I _hope_ you were enjoying yourself, anyway. He was the one who barged in.”

“Of course, I was bloody enjoying myself! That’s the problem!” She huffed, “It's just, he’s been so weird with me lately. It’s like he doesn’t want to know me.” 

“Rey, it’s a droid?” Ben supplied, confusion dripping over every word. 

“He’s not _just_ a droid, Ben! He’s the first person — _thing, whatever_ , that I met when everything changed, just before I left Jakku. I know it’s stupid, but he means a lot to me.” Rey nibbled at the nail of her index finger. 

“Oh. It’s not stupid! Not a _huge_ fan of droids myself, but I can get where you’re coming from. He’s your friend.” Ben was desperately trying to redeem the situation. She appreciated the sentiment. “I’m sure he’ll turn up, sweetheart.” 

“Yeah…” she replied.

“In the meantime, we could always explore the island? I’m dying to see those exploded ruins you told me about last night. You never know, we might find him, if he hasn’t gone back to the-” Ben stopped himself from saying the name, she registered that it was still too painful for him, “-the ship. I’m assuming he came from there at least,” he chuckled again. 

Her eyes lit up at this, she had wanted to show him around the island the minute she found out that’s where he was. “Oh, Ben you’ll love it. It’s full of all the ancient old shite you enjoy.” 

“Wow. You’re really selling it to me, angel,” he laughed.

“You know what I mean.” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “Your shirt’s on backwards. _Idiot,”_ she commented playfully. 

“What?” He looked down. “Shit. Well, you rushed out! I was worried!” He moved to correct it.

“Yeah, yeah. _Whatever,”_ she teased.

Once they were properly dressed, they set off to explore the island. Rey had lent Ben her poncho as she already had a jacket. To say it was too small for him was an understatement, it barely covered him, but it was better than nothing. 

The weather had cleared up and the suns were actually shining for once. The sea offered a slight breeze, staining the air with salt. The brushes of inky water over the shore comforted Rey. Even the Porgs were no longer partaking in their morning screeches. It seemed as though the entire island was now shrouded in peace. 

Rey led Ben up a rather considerable number of cobbled steps. Rey was used to climbing uneven ground for long lengths of time, so it didn’t bother her. Ben, on the other hand, grumbled the entire way up, droning on behind her about there being “ _too many steps on this damn island and not nearly enough seats._ ” He could be so grumpy sometimes. 

“Almost there, Ben. Keep up.” 

He scoffed, muttering snarky inaudible comments under his breath. Maybe him and BB-8 _would_ get on well, after all.

They reached the first ever Jedi temple situated at the very top of the hill. It was now nothing more than a few ruins and time-worn mosaics. Ben perked up immediately, suddenly finding a burst of energy to rush past Rey to get inside. 

They entered through an eroded door way, ducking under various stray rock formations. The open cave-like room poured light through a cracked archway to the right, filtering out onto a ledge looking out across the sea. The floor, decorated with numerous irretrievable ancient mosaics, was uneven underfoot, causing Ben to trip over his feet a fair more than a few times, making Rey laugh. 

Ben stood in the middle of the room; his face plastered with child-like wonder. His eyes searched everywhere at what the old temple had to offer.

Rey giggled, catching up to him. She grasped his hand and leaned into his side. 

“Happy?” She said, nudging his shoulder with her own. 

“More than!” His excitement buzzed through the bond. “This is… wow!” 

He pulled Rey to a particularly unusual set of tiles in the middle of the floor that depicted a person cross legged holding a lightsaber. The right side of the person was white, with its corresponding background in black tile, a small white sun in the middle. The colours were reversed on the other side.

“Rey, just look at this! Do you know what this is?!” He gestured to the mosaic; she shook her head. “It’s a depiction of ‘The Prime Jedi’, the first known member of the Jedi order!” Ben exclaimed.

Rey found it funny and completely adorable to see him so enthusiastic over some old tiles. Though she didn’t share his interest, she humoured him all the same. 

“Kinda looks like us,” she joked. 

His brow furrowed. “How so?”

She shrugged. “Well, the pair of us are susceptible to both sides of the force. It just, kinda looks too _‘dark-sidey’_ to be a traditional Jedi, I guess.” 

“Wha- Oh.” His eyes widened. “Wow. I’ve never even considered that before! You’re right, Rey. It’s far from traditional.” 

“I think it's nerf-shit though,” she continued.

Ben sputtered a laugh. “What is?!” 

“The whole: there is no passion, only serenity and vice versa. Why can’t there be both?!” She let go of his hand to embrace him from the side, he wrapped his arm over her shoulder. “I don’t know about you, but I certainly felt serene after last night, and that was _extremely_ passionate,” she giggled into his chest.

He kissed her head, then pulled her into a full embrace. “I love you,” he stated, nuzzling into her neck. 

Rey pulled back to look at him, slightly flustered. “I know.” She kissed him soundly on the mouth, slipping in her tongue. It was far too heated for any abstinent Jedi order.

_Yeah,_ Rey thought, _there is no passion, my arse._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to upload the next one too before i lose my nerve lmao
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	10. So uncivilised.

They spent more than a few minutes looking at all the rest of the runes and mosaics left behind by the ancients, hand in hand. Ben was spouting fact after fact about what each represented, when they were first discovered etc. His wonderment and sheer dedication to the history of the Jedi and the Force was extremely charming, albeit, slightly _boring_. Most of everything he said to Rey went in one ear and out the other; it wasn’t her cup of caf. 

She spent most of the time just smiling and nodding along to whatever he was saying. He was _really_ enthusiastic about it all and she was just glad he was happy for once; he was so different from Kylo Ren. Half of the time he said words that were just too intellectual for her to follow. It made her imagine what he’d been like as a padawan during schooling, studying away furiously, making notes in the margins. 

_Yeah,_ she thought, watching him talk about a particular rune for the last 5 minutes, _he definitely makes notes in the margins._

Suddenly, walking past the cracked archway that followed to a lookout spot over the ocean, Ben let go of her hand and made his way out towards it. She lagged behind. Rey knew what he was going to find there, so she gave him a bit of time to himself.

She exited the cave-like room after a few moments, squinting at the sudden brightness of the suns. 

Ben was staring blankly at a small, rounded stone platform on the lookout spot. One of his hands delicately touched the rock, skimming his fingers over the surface. Rey walked up behind him and brushed a hand in a soothing caress up his spine. 

“Is this-” the words died on his tongue.

“Yes. I think so.” 

They were currently standing next to the stone platform that Luke had used to mediate as he channelled the force into an echo of himself on Crait. This was where he had become one with the force; it still hummed with Luke’s force signature.

Rey snaked her arms around his torso, hugging him from behind. She felt his pain, all the difficult memories bubbling to the surface. She wished she could take it all away and just have him talk about stupid ancient mosaics for the rest of his life, he was happy then. 

He placed his hands over her own and sighed. “We looked for this place, ‘The first Jedi Temple’. Travelled everywhere. We talked about it _all_ the time. I just- fuck. I don’t even know, Rey…”

“He loved you, Ben.” She supplied, nuzzling her face into his back, leaving a kiss in the middle of his spine.

Ben scoffed. “He had a funny way of showing it.”

“Oh, I’m not disputing that,” she let go of the embrace and stood in front of him, taking his hand. “I fought him; you know? Kicked his grumpy old arse.” 

“What?” Ben’s full attention was on her now, his brows furrowed. 

“After I found out what he did to you.” She gave his hand a comforting squeeze. 

Ben let out a small chuckle. “You did?”

“Yep. I’m not sorry either. He deserved it.”

He brought her hand up to his mouth and placed a small kiss on her knuckles. “I appreciate it, sweetheart.” He chuckled again. “I wish I was there to see it, to be honest.” 

She shrugged. “Well, you kicked Snoke’s arse for me.” She poked him in the stomach with the hand he wasn’t holding. “We’re a team, we look out for each other.” 

He sighed, though this time it had no sorrow entwined in the sound —just _adoration_. “We are.” 

She moved to head back into the temple but he stopped her, catching her wrist. “Rey, I should never have underestimated you. Whether it was on The Supremacy or before you brought me back from limbo; I didn’t know what I was talking about. You,” he kissed her knuckles again, “can do _anything_. You’re everything. No matter what you do, you _always_ make things work. You inspire me. You make me want to be a better person. Thank you, truly.” 

Rey had no idea what to say in return. No one had ever made her feel the way she was when she was with Ben. He made her feel like she was more than just a prophecy, more than just ‘The Last Jedi.’ He made her feel like a _woman._

“Ben, I-” tears welled in her eyes causing a hitch in her voice. She threw her arms around his neck, crushing him into an embrace. “I love you, never leave me,” she sniffed.

“Never,” he returned.

They made their way back down from the Temple to the village, not absent of Ben’s continuous grumbles about the stairs. All of a sudden BB-8 came speeding out of Luke’s hut, stopping in front of her. 

“Bee Bee! Oh, my gods, I'm _so_ sorry about earlier!” 

He let out a series of scolding chimes. 

“I know, I know. I should have come back to the ship-”

More beeps.

“Yes, I understand you were worried about me, but Ben-”

BB-8 insistently beeped again. 

“Okay, _fine,”_ she sighed. 

Rey turned around to Ben. “He wants to meet you.” 

“Err, ok…” Ben replied. She felt his confusion sizzle through to her.

He stepped around her, kneeling down to face the droid. “Um, Hi. I’m Ben. Nice to meet you.”

BB-8 did not introduce himself. Nor did he share any pleasantries. Instead, his chimes and beeps went on for a full five minutes, giving Ben an _entire_ lecture. He beeped about how rude it was that Ben made Rey stay in a hut, how he’d been worried sick that something had happened to her and Ben had distracted Rey from letting him know if she was ok. He even aggressively chimed that he had received no apology for being hunted down mercilessly for the map to Luke Skywalker _and_ for kidnapping Rey in the first place. 

Ben’s face was bright red, even the tips of his ears. Rey had to suppress a laugh behind her hand. It was hilarious watching this huge tree of a man get told off by a tiny droid; she wished she had her holo to record it.

“Ok, I think he gets it, Bee Bee.” She thought she’d better save Ben from anymore scolding before BB-8 made him cry or something. She wouldn’t put it past the Droid, he could be ruthless sometimes.

Ben stood up, complete and utter bafflement written as plain as day on his features. He ran a hand through his hair, “I’m sorry, BB-8. You’re right, how rude of me. Please forgive me.”

BB-8 ignored him. 

Rey snorted then, taking Ben’s hand in hers. 

BB-8 had one last thing to tell Rey. He beeped that he had informed their friends over the intercom about Rey suggesting to stay longer on their small trip, and that they'd replied instantly. The droid chimed that they were coming to meet her on Tatooine by tomorrow evening.

“Oh shit! But I’m not even there!” 

Rey raced through her thoughts. How the hell was she going to explain everything that happened? What was she going to say about Ben? How would they react? More importantly, how was she going to explain herself without getting an absolute arse kicking about ignoring them for days on end? 

Rey felt dizzy, she needed to sit down.

“Rey, sweetheart. You ok?” Ben looked absolutely beside himself with worry, “You look as pale as me!”

Rey let out a shaky exhale. “Ben, love. You’re not gonna like this,” she turned to face him, “but I need to go back to the Falcon. You don’t have to come it’s just- I gotta call them…” 

“No, I’ll come. It’s fine. I promised I’d never leave you, remember? Besides, I gotta stop being a nerf-herder sooner or later, right BB-8?” 

BB-8 chimed in agreement. 

_Yeah, Rey,_ she thought, _time to stop being a nerf-herder._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have up to chapter 14 written so far, so expect a chapter if not two an evening, until I run out of creative juices and have to take a while to write the next one. Hopefully that doesn't happen lmao.
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	11. There is always try.

Ben’s palms were sweating. He knew this moment was coming eventually. But after his vastly thorough scolding from a rather audacious BB unit, it was apparently coming much sooner than he initially anticipated. 

He followed behind Rey and said droid, dragging his feet on the way to The Millennium Falcon. His stomach twisted with anxiety; his throat was tight. He actually felt like crying. 

He needed to snap out of it; this wasn’t about him. Rey needed him; she shouldn’t have to feel his anxiety as well as her own. 

Ben knew there had been something up with Rey, something she wasn’t telling him. He’d figured she’d tell him in her own time, he wouldn’t push. But he knew what guilt looked like. He’s seen it every day in the mirror since-

Ben stumbled. He couldn’t breathe. His limbs were durasteel, his vision fogged. His heart hammered, bruising against his ribcage. Bile blistered his throat; he was going to be sick.

“Ben?!” Rey ran to him, her voice sounded like he had mud in his ears. She gripped him by his shoulders. “Ben?! Look at me, it’s ok.” She had his face in her palms now, stroking her thumb over his cheek, her touch grounded him. “It’s ok, I’m here. Oh Ben. I’m so sorry, love. Let’s just hang back for a bit.”

Rey turned to BB-8, never once letting go of Ben. “Bee Bee, we need a sec, we’ll catch up.”

The droid chimed an “ok” and rolled up the ramp into the Falcon.

Rey pulled Ben away from the ship over to a large rock that was just below her hip height. “Sit down, Ben.”

Ben swallowed, heavily; he still felt barbed wire around his lungs.

“Rey, I’m fine,” he managed to breathe out through gritted teeth.

“ _Benjamin.”_

He sat down next to her on the rock. Ben would not argue with that tone. 

She began rubbing steady circles across his back. He focused on her touch, her soothing presence in the force, how she pushed her love and reassurance through the bond. They sat there in silence until his breathing returned to normalcy and his heart rate slowed.

“Better?” She asked, her soft voice washed comfort over him.

“I’m sorry, Rey.” Ben returned, running his hand through his hair.

She intertwined their hands, giving him a slight squeeze in reassurance. “Why are you apologising?” 

“Why do you think, Rey? I’m a fucking mess. Look at me! I can’t even walk on the ship without having a fucking panic attack!” He could feel her heartache ripple through the bond, it made him feel even more guilty. “I’m not being the man- the man I’m supposed to be. The one you deserve! I’m a goddamn coward, Rey.”

“What do you mean ‘the man you’re supposed to be’? The man you’re supposed to be is Ben. The man you are right now, the man I _love._ And I happen to think he’s far from a coward, especially after everything _I’ve_ seen him do.” She placed her hand on his face and turned him to look at her. “Stop placing me on this high pedestal. I’m not perfect either, despite how much you say otherwise. We’ve got a lot to figure out, you _and_ _me_. It’s gonna take time, it won’t happen overnight. But we’ll get there. Together.” 

“I just- I’m not wasting this _incredible_ second chance you’ve given me. I gotta make things right. But I can’t fucking do that if I can’t even walk onto the Falcon!” 

His chest was tightening again, his skin itched. The guilt tore at his insides like a rabid animal. Who was he to get a second chance? 

_Why me?_

“I’ll tell you why fucking you, Benjamin,” he must’ve had a loose grip on his thoughts, she heard all of his inner turmoil, “because you’re a good man! A good man who’s seen far too many bad things for one lifetime. You deserve a second chance more than _anyone_ because you weren’t given the opportunity to be happy! To live your life however _you_ wanted.” 

Her voice and features softened. “Facing all those memories, all that pain, it's going to be so hard. But I promise you, I swear to the gods Ben, I will be here for you. _Always._ ” 

Rey had rendered him speechless. No one had ever believed in him like this. They had wanted ‘Ben Skywalker’, they had wanted Darth Vader’s heir, they had wanted him to be something he wasn’t. Rey just wanted Ben. That’s all she’d ever wanted from him. He’d give it to her, he’d try. Because there isn’t just “do or do not” there is _always_ try. 

“Rey, I’ll try for you. I promise. I owe you that much at least.” 

“I know you will, Ben. You’re preaching to the converted,” she chuckled, “but you owe me _nothing._ You just being here is enough.” 

She brushed her hand through his hair, moving down to cup his cheek. “Now, we’ll stay here for as long as you need. One step at a time. We have all the time in the universe, Ben. _Finally.”_

He kissed her; a gentle brush of his lips as a thank you for existing. She radiated her own gratitude right back. 

“I think-” he exhaled, “I think I’m good. It’s just a fucking ship, right?” 

“It’s just a fucking ship,” she repeated. Ben had decided that hearing her swear was one of the hottest things he’d ever heard. She spoke it in cursive almost; it made him shiver. 

He grasped her right hand like he’d fade away again if he didn’t, as though she bound his nerves together —his _confidence_. They walked, hand in hand, up the ramp and into the ship. Rey led him into the common area and he stopped in his tracks.

The familiar hum from the hull reverberated through Ben’s body; he remembered a time when he couldn’t fall asleep without it. The air was no longer stale; it smelt like citrus and it tickled his nose. The walls were _actually_ white, there were no random stains, no dust. He remembered having to scrub them raw as a punishment when he’d been fourteen, after he’d been caught sneaking out one night to meet his childhood best friend, Tai.

Ben looked across to the Dejarik table. His heart stung at memories of Han Solo — _your father, Ben. No one’s here to tell me otherwise,_ and Chewbacca teaching him how to cheat at the game and always win. He remembered spending hours poring over comics and books or practicing calligraphy, as his father and uncle Chewie navigated them across the stars. He remembered wanting to be a pilot like his dad; The _Han Solo_ teaching him how to fly like he’d always wished. 

Ben took a deep breath, letting his eyes search across the room. He felt as though his heart was bleeding. 

Rey gave his hand a comforting squeeze, then moved his arm over her shoulder to cuddle his side. She’d not left him once while he’d been reminiscing. He pushed gratitude to her.

It was actually Ben himself who broke the silence. “This can’t possibly be the Falcon,” he joked, “it's too _clean_.” If she laughed it would mend his heart; the sound would trickle over him in pleasant tingles. 

Rey let out a gorgeous little giggle, smiling into his chest. “I cleaned it. It took a while to get here from Tatooine; I wanted it to be perfect for you. Plus, I needed something to do to, um, take my mind off you…”

He turned down to look at her, she was peering up at him through her lashes. 

_Rey, I will kiss you if you’re not careful._

“And how did that work out for you?” He asked, his smirk permeating his voice. 

She shrugged against him, blushing slightly, “I dunno.” 

He managed to actually laugh. Rey being here, hugging him like this —he could do anything. This wasn’t so bad; one step at a time.

“Thank you, Rey. Thank you for not giving up on me.” 

“You never gave up on me either. You always believed in me.” She pulled his neck down, wrapping her arms around him. Rey pulled them into a lazy kiss, one that riled him up a bit too inappropriately considering his situation with the Falcon. 

Ben wouldn’t waste the opportunity. He brought a hand down to pinch her entirely too perfect derriere, causing her to squeak into his mouth. He chuckled. 

The moment was broken once more by none other than an orange and white BB unit, chirping unhappy tones at their display. 

“Sorry, BB-8,” Ben lied. He wasn’t sorry, he never would be.

“ _Alright_ , I’m coming.” Rey replied to the droid, her voice dripping with anxiety. “Ben, would you um, are you going to stay here while I,” she gestured to the cockpit. 

He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Do you want me to, sweetheart?”

Ben could tell she was desperately trying not to offend him. 

“I just feel it might be better to,” she let out a shaky exhale, “ease them into _this_ situation.” Rey was looking everywhere but him. 

“Baby, look. I get it. It’s ok. They’re not exactly my biggest fans.” He wasn’t theirs either but he’d be good for Rey, she liked them. “I’ll just play Dejarik or have a shower,” he chuckled; he’d missed showers.

She nodded, offering him a weak smile. “Thank you.” 

* * *

Rey entered the cockpit with extremely shaky legs. BB-8 was waiting patiently by the comms, giving her an expectant stare with his photo receptor.

This was going to be tricky. How would she explain everything to them? Would they even want to listen?

She wiped a hand down her face and jumped up and down to psych herself up.

_I can do this; I can do this._

“Ok, Bee Bee. Time to rip the bandage off.” 

She punched Poe’s communication code into the receiver, it connected almost instantly. His face popped up in the blue jittering projection. Sounds of sparks and bangs interrupted the transmission, along with loud chatter; every now and again a silhouette of a person would walk behind him. He was in the hangar in the Ajan Kloss Resistance base.

“I’m sorry, who’s this? Introduce yourself, stranger.” Poe’s sarcasm and frustration leaked from every syllable.

Rey huffed. “ _Poe_.”

“Oh no, you don’t get to be annoyed with me, missy. Where the HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?! We’ve been going insane! What the fuck, Rey?!” 

Rey attempted to calm herself as much as possible; it wouldn’t help biting back to him. Poe deserved answers. 

“Calm down, please. I-”

“CALM DOWN?! _CALM_ DOWN?! The _cheek_ ,” he interrupted. “You won’t tell us what’s going on with you after Exegol,” Rey grimaced at the mention of the name, “you go off to Tatooine without us in the first place, _lie_ to us about coming back and staying in touch and then Bee Bee is the one to contact us, not _you_. And you expect _me_ to be calm? You better give me some satisfying answers, Rey.” 

Rey knew he was just worried about her but he got under her last nerve all the same.

“Poe, I literally can’t give you answers right now. I just need you to trust that I’m ok. I _promise_. I swear to the gods I will be back soon; with all the answers you want. Trust me when I say this isn’t something I can discuss over the comms.” 

“Trust you, Rey? Why should we? When you don’t trust us.” 

This stung. He was right, they didn’t owe her anything. 

“I’m sorry, Poe. For _everything_. I’ve been the shittiest friend to you and you’ve done your best to care about me,” she could see his features soften a little, even though the projected blue hue, “I just need a little more time. And then I promise I won’t ever not tell you anything again. I’m truly sorry.” 

He sighed. “Rey if it wasn’t for the fact that I know you can hold your fucking own, and after _all_ you did for the Resistance _—for the galaxy_ , I’d hunt your ass down and drag you back.” Poe shook his head. “I’m gonna regret this. How much more time do you need?” 

“How much are you willing to give me?” Rey felt as though he needed to put this in Poe’s hands. He liked feeling important and in control, she’d win him over this way.

“A week. And then you’re back here — _home_ , with the Resistance.” 

Rey actually had to bite her tongue to fight the urge to shout that she never was home with the Resistance; the only reason she stayed was because of them. Her home was Ben. 

“A week, then I’ll be back. Pinky swear, and you can’t break a pinky swear.” She attempted to lighten the mood; she saw his lips tug into a small smile. 

“Pinky swear,” he returned, the faintest bit of amusement creeping into his words. “I’m glad you’re ok, Rey. You had us worried, like _really_ worried. Finn’s going grey.” 

Rey burst out laughing. “Now that I need to see,” she shook her head, she really missed Finn and Rose. Poe still clashed with her a small bit; he could be difficult to say the least. “Give my love to Finn and Rose. Tell them I miss them and I love their stupid faces.” 

“Will do, Rey. And for the love of the gods, stay fucking safe.” Then he clicked off. 

She let out a shaky exhale. That could have gone _a lot_ worse, though she still hadn’t told them about Ben. They wouldn’t hurt him? Would they?

_No. I wouldn’t fucking let them touch him._

Rey found Ben in the crew’s quarters with his back to the door, flicking through one of her stolen Jedi texts. His hair was wet, pushed back out of his face and he was dressed in completely out of character clothes for his usual attire. His usually dark grey, _holey,_ sweater was replaced by a tan shirt with unfastened buttons down the chest. It settled nicely over his broad shoulders and arms. His black trousers were replaced with navy ones that were _slightly_ too tight, though Rey wasn’t complaining. His feet were bare, his usual black boots were placed by the foot of the bed. It was wonderful to see him so relaxed, a bit of colour suited him. Rey thought he looked dashing and a bit like a scoundrel.

“Hello, handsome. You look great.” 

He scoffed, turning to face her — _he was blushing._ He tossed the text on the bunk she’d been sleeping on. “They were H- _Dad’s_ old clothes. Figured I needed to change into something that had no holes in,” he chuckled.

Rey walked to stand in front of him, snaking her arms around his neck. “Well they suit you. A bit of colour never hurt right?” She joked.

He laughed, placing his hands on her hips. “Everything ok?” He asked, searching her eyes with his own. As always, he could see right through her.

She breathed deeply, slowly exhaling. “I never told them. About anything.” Rey decided it was time to stop keeping things from Ben, he’d help her through whatever she needed, like she would for him. “The dyad, the force connecting, why I was so…” she trailed off looking for the right words, “ _distraught_ after Exegol. It’s not because of you, it’s because of me. I’ve been ignoring them _—lying to them_. I didn’t know what to tell them. I’ve been a really shitty friend. I guess- I guess I don’t know how to _be_ a friend.” She felt tears prick into her eyes. 

Ben exhaled, then leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “Angel, you haven’t been a ‘shitty friend’. You kept things to yourself because you didn’t think they’d understand. People are… _difficult,_ to say the least. Especially ones who don’t get the whole ‘force thing’. Stop blaming yourself for everything.” His voice was honey in her ears.

She looked down, eyes averting his gaze. They were so similar sometimes it frightened her; he’d inadvertently repeated the exact thing she’d thought about Poe being too difficult. Rey really needed to start practising what she preached to him about blame.

Ben brushed a wayward strand of hair over her ear, lightly rubbing her hip with his other hand in reassuring circles. “They clearly care about you, Rey. I’m sure they’ll forgive you.” 

She nodded, suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of love flowing through to her from him and vice versa. A stray tear meandered down her cheek, Ben brushed a finger to wipe it away. 

“Sweetheart, you’re not telling me everything. Please talk to me.” 

“Poe wants me to go back in a week. But Ben I’m _frightened.”_ She hiccuped. “What if everything we’ve fought to have together gets ruined?! I won’t let anything happen, Ben! I swear to gods!” 

He pulled her into his chest, placing his chin on her head. “Rey, I’ll tell you something a very wise, _extremely_ beautiful and, albeit, _stubborn_ woman once said to me. ‘We’ve got a lot to figure out. It’s gonna take time, it won’t happen overnight. But we’ll get there. Together’.” 

She laughed into his chest. 

Pulling back, she swiped any stray tears from her face. “I used to be much less of a priss before you. I blame you for my crying. You make me too comfortable I think.” Rey had to admit that she found it wonderfully calming to be able to be so vulnerable in front of someone for the first time, without worrying if they’d use it against her somehow; she was fed up with putting on a brave face. 

“And _I_ used to be much more of a dick before you. I blame you for my bettering,” he returned, far too charming for his own good. His lazy smirk reminded her so much of Han, especially in those clothes. She remembered how Leia had joked to her that the Solo men were dangerously and annoyingly handsome, Rey found that she quite agreed. 

“Besides,” he continued, “there are _a lot_ of things we could get up to in a week…” 

_Very subtle, Ben, s_ he thought.

Ben traced a hand over her waist, a ghost of a touch that still left her dizzy and coaxed a shiver out of her. She removed his hand from her, though, very reluctantly. His disappointment through the bond was so strong she had to suppress a giggle.

“I’m going in the shower, Ben.”

“Same here,” he replied.

“What?” She laughed. “You’ve already been in,” she ran a hand through his wet hair to emphasise her point.

“Not with you I haven’t,” he winked.

Rey rolled her eyes.

_Horny bastard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @rosetintedlightsaber


	12. You need a teacher.

They’d moved from the hut to the Falcon. 

The last time Ben had stayed on the Falcon was in his teens. When he still had parents, still had a fragment of hope for what his life might end up looking like. When he still kept holding on to the belief that someday, someday he’d make his family proud. 

It was hard to push the memories down, to fight the guilt that swirled at the pit of his stomach, to not give voice to fragments of the darkness still conjuring up doubt, persuading him that he shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be alive —that he shouldn’t be loved. It was hard to lock everything away in a tight box in his mind, so that Rey wouldn’t see or feel how much his heart ached being around this environment. It did help having her there, waking up next to her, holding her. She acted as a deterrent to his nightmares, his cynical thoughts that crept into his mind — _most of the time._

It had been a full day and a half since Rey had contacted the pilot named — _Dameron??_ and bargained for a little more time before they had to face the reality of his situation. They’d spent the entire day in bed, talking, reading the Jedi texts Rey had stolen or doing _other activities_. They had only left to eat and shower. It was quickly becoming the best time of Ben’s _entire_ life; he had nothing to do but whatever he wanted. He wasn’t someone else’s puppet; his head was magnificently quiet, save for a very beautiful woman who only decorated his mind with her comforting presence. 

It was so simple to be around Rey, to _exist_ with her. To everyone else, Ben existed as a legacy, an expectation; with Rey he existed only as himself. Ben allowed himself to wonder what his life might have looked like had they met sooner. Would he have ever let the darkness fully consume him? Or would he have corrupted Rey along with him? Would he have ruined her life? Just as he had his own?

_No,_ Ben thought, _Rey is not me. She’s always been better._

He had just woken up from a rather indecent nap, after some _indecent activities_. The bubbly, soapy scent of Sun-dew flowers travelled with the steam, as well as the spray sound of heavy water omitting from the fresher door to the right of the crew’s quarters. Rey must be showering. 

_Sun-_ dew flowers, Ben had decided, were extremely fitting for his Rey. 

He slowly sat up in his old bed, stretching and cracking out the kinks and pains his muscles had conjured up from his nap and from Rey. He was mindful not to hit his head on the bunk above. It had been a conscious choice on his behalf to remain in this small bunk rather than move to the double cot in the captain’s quarters. Ben found the thought of taking Rey to bed in his parents' old one, a _massive_ turnoff to say the least; he shuddered at the thought. 

He swung his far too large legs over the far too small bunk to stand up. He cracked his back again, silently cursing his large build and height, despite how much it seemed to rile Rey up in all the right ways. 

He was completely naked and had no desire to put on any clothes. Rey’s shower was currently making the air dense with wet heat and it brought on a sweat across his marble skin. It was only because he had promised Rey an afternoon walk across the grey beaches of Ahch-To, that he moved to put on his —or rather _his father’s_ , old shirt and trousers.

After he’d put on the trousers, as he picked up his shirt from where he’d haphazardly thrown it across the room when Rey had stripped him, he noticed something particularly Lightsaber shaped poking out from the opening of Rey’s bag. The Kyber crystal sang gracefully and bewitched him closer. Curiosity overtook him and he pulled it out. 

There was no doubt about it, this Lightsaber belonged to Rey. It was extremely unconventional and intricate. The weapon vibrated pleasantly in his palm, beckoning him to it as if it were his own. Ben gave it a once over. It appeared to have been made from a repurposed melee weapon of some kind; the hilt was a dark silver, pronounced in odd places and there seemed to be two endings where the beam would come out. This lightsaber was double bladed and _extremely_ elegant. Ben felt as though he’d never seen a piece of weaponry so beautifully unique and captivating; he felt completely drawn to it —not unlike how Rey made him feel. The sabre chorused Rey’s force signature freely, lapping at his own in charming waves.

“Watcha doinnn?” Replied a silky, eloquent voice from behind him. The scent of Sun-dew flowers enhanced as she got closer, reminding him of the garden from his childhood in Hanna City.

Ben turned around to face Rey, holding her weapon delicately in his right palm. She was dressed in only a white, fluffy towel that rested at her breast bone and ended at the top of her toned thighs. Her now wet hair melted over her shoulders like ink. Tiny water droplets cascaded down her shoulders, down her legs. He watched as they travelled across the universe that was her skin, her freckles undiscovered constellations. 

Ben’s mouth went dry. He had to shake his head to realign his thoughts away from her extremely inviting self; this coaxed a giggle out of her.

“What’s this?” He questioned, deciding to change the subject before he got too distracted. He gestured to her lightsaber with a smirk dangling from his lips.

“Well, Benji,” —she called him ‘Benji’ when she teased him, “some people call that a Lightsaber. They’re typically a weapon used by the Jedi. Though why would you know that? You’ve _only_ studied the force for your entire life,” she mocked.

Rey was directly in front of him now, tantalisingly appealing. He shook his head again, both to dispute her teasing and to eclipse his thoughts of her antagonising beauty. She seemed to draw him in more than a Black Hole could to a planet.

“You made this?” He asked, mesmerised by the weapon once more.

“Hm, hm,” she nodded, moving to embrace his side. 

“Rey _,_ this is- this is _beautiful!_ ” He exclaimed, rather a bit too excited.

She laughed. “You really think so? I used my old staff, it made sense at the time,” she shrugged.

“Sweetheart, it’s almost as stunning as its owner. And… am I right in saying it’s double bladed?!” Ben had never seen a double bladed Lightsaber before; he had only read about them. He was reluctant to admit that he was a little starstruck seeing one in the flesh like this, holding one as though it begged for his attention as well as its owner’s. 

“Right again.” She giggled. “I’m used to fighting with my staff so,” she shrugged again, “the fighting technique is _a lot_ easier for me with a dual beam, let me tell ya.” 

“That’s smart, baby. _Really_ smart,” he pointed at her, “a good warrior always uses their best assets.” 

She chuckled in reply. “Thank you, means a lot coming from Mr. Jedi-history himself.” 

“Could I?” Ben gestured to the switch to ignite the sabre. He was sure Rey could feel his excitement buzzing through the bond to her; it was overpowering him, let alone his dyad in the force. 

“Sure,” she dimpled to him. 

He pressed the button to ignite the beams, his thumb far too big for the small buttons designed for more delicate, deft fingers. The room was suddenly cast in a brilliant amber glow. Ben’s eyes widened as he gazed at the radiant yellow beams — _of course_. Nothing made more sense to Ben than Rey’s lightsaber being as bright and as sunny as she. Rey radiated light; she was his sun. The weapon was perfect.

He looked at her and beamed. “Of course.” 

“Weird colour isn’t it? I didn’t even know that Kyber’s could turn that colour at first,” she admitted. 

Ben chuckled, “Rey, yellow indicates a Jedi Sentinel. They typically honoured their skills in a balance of combat and scholarly pursuits. It's perfect for you. It’s ‘ _balance’,_ just like you. _”_

“Yeah, I know.” She said meekly. “I read up about it after I made it. Took me a while to decipher the writing though… oh! That reminds me,” Ben switched off the beams, handing the lightsaber back to Rey, he gave her his full attention, “could I ask you something, Ben?” 

“Kinda already are,” he teased, unwrapping himself from her embrace and taking her hand. 

She rolled her eyes. “Well, I was just thinking… I never finished my training, Ben. Luke hardly taught me to begin with and Leia…” she trailed off, not needing to say the rest of her sentence. 

Ben’s heart stung and he had to blink away a few stray tears at the reminder of his mother’s death. He’d not even been able to say goodbye. Rey gave his hand a comforting squeeze.

“Anyway,” she continued, her voice delicate in the air between them, “I was just wondering if you’d do it?” 

He was shaken out of his reverie. “Do what?”

“Finish my training. It makes sense don’t you think? I mean you _did_ ask me to do it before…” 

“Woah, woah, woah. Sweetheart,” Ben let out a nervous laugh, “I appreciate you asking me but I- Rey I haven’t used the force, not _properly_ anyway, since well...you know. And I’m not exactly living proof of a well-rounded ‘Jedi’,” he grimaced at the concept of him being a Jedi; he was far from it.

“Ben, _I know._ That’s the whole point.” She had her arms wrapped around his neck now. “The whole reason why their training didn’t exactly ‘work out’ for me was because of _that_ exact point. You know as much as I do; I’m no Jedi. I never have been. Just like you.” 

He kissed her forehead. “While you’re making undeniable sense, I can’t, baby. I just can’t. I’m not so sure I trust myself right now.” 

She removed her arms from his neck and stood back. “Why not?! I’m not asking you to teach me just the light side. I’m asking you to teach _both_. Balance, remember? I think The Jedi and The Sith missed the whole point of the Force just learning one side. Besides, you’re the only person that I actually _get_. You explain things to me in a way that I understand; You don’t make me feel shit when I don’t get something right or I do something in a way I shouldn’t. You’ve _always_ believed in me!” She moved to cup his face, squishing his cheeks together with her palms, before dropping her hands to her sides.

“Ben, I genuinely believe that we were supposed to do this. You know the Force better than _anyone._ You’ve been on both sides and I,” she lifted her Lightsaber and waved it at him to emphasise her point, “am apparently a Jedi Sentinel; a Force user that thrives off of the balance of things. Don’t you think it’s time to ‘let old things die’? Construct a new generation of Force teachings that embraces the importance of both sides?” 

He sighed.

Ben had to admit everything she was saying made complete and utter sense. He’d wanted to teach her since they’d first met; he truly believed she had the potential to be _the most_ powerful force user there has ever been. He’d never seen anyone so susceptible with both sides of the force —except for himself. Although, Rey had surpassed him in every single way. He was in awe of her. 

“Pretty please,” she begged, fluttering her eyelashes with eyes the size of planets, “I’ll promise I’ll be a good girl. I’ll pay attention and do _anything_ you asked.” She twirled her finger down the front of his shirt. His blood suddenly headed south, _very quickly_ —especially at her being a “good girl” for him.

_Ok,_ he thought, _that’s enough of that._

He picked her finger off of him and kissed the tip. 

“Rey, if I say yes,” her features brightened, “ _if._ I can’t promise I’m gonna be great at it. I’m a little rusty. The force is a bit foreign to me right now, I don’t know where I stand with it.” 

Her face softened and he felt sympathy warm through the bond. “That’s ok, Ben. Really. I understand, I won’t push you.” 

“I know you won’t, angel,” he kissed her softly on her mouth.

“I just think that this is what we’re supposed to do, Ben. Why the Force created us in the first place and created our _Dyad._ We’re far from traditional,”

“Ok. Ok,” Ben placed his hands in mock surrender, “I’ll do it,” he sighed in defeat; as if he could ever really say no to her. 

She pulled him back. “Really?!” 

He chuckled. “ _Really_. You _know_ how much I’ve wanted to, Rey. I was just a bit hesitant that’s all. But you’re right, this was probably the reason I came back. The Force has unfinished business for us.” 

She squealed then, pulling him into a suffocating embrace. She bruised his lips against hers. 

“Thank you! Thank you!!!! Oh gosh I’m so excited! When can we start?!” She was beaming at him now, it made him feel giddy and a little weak in the knees. Her excitement crashed at him through the bond, it was hard not to reciprocate.

“Hmm,” he replied, pulling her hips to his so she was millimetres away from him, “I think… after this!” He brought them into a crashing kiss, her giggles lost to his mouth.

After what seemed like years of snogging her senseless, Rey pulled away and coyly suggested, “So... does that mean I’m your _P_ _adawan_ now? Do I have to start calling you _M_ _aster?”_

—If Ben hadn’t been turned on before.

_Gods, this woman._

“Say that again. I _dare_ you,” he growled.

“Master Ben?” She challenged, looking very much like a Loth-cat who got the cream.

  
_Yep,_ he thought, _t_ _raining will definitely have to wait._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for some reason I feel like this whole fic has no story and is just me writing whatever the fuck I want Ben and Rey to do. Please let me know if you feel the same and are getting fed up of it. All feedback is welcome. 
> 
> AND YOU BET YOUR ASS REY HAS A DOUBLE BLADED YELLOW LIGHTSABER BECAUSE SHE ABSOLUTELY DESERVES ONE AND WAS ABSOLUTELY ROBBED OF ONE IN TROS. But I shan't get started on a TROS rant because I'll be here all day. 
> 
> Come bully me on Tumblr! @rosetintedlightsaber


	13. Focus determines reality.

Ben couldn’t sleep.

His thoughts were a concoction, his mind apparently churned every single memory, bad and good, into a perpetual whirlwind. He couldn’t switch off. Guilt swam through his stomach, pain etched over his heart. His lungs tightened and his breathing quickened. He felt the darkness loom over him and for a moment he was paralysed against it.

He looked to Rey who was currently sound asleep curled against him; she looked peaceful and even in sleep a small smile played at her elegant pointed lips. She was so beautiful like this: naked underneath their covers, hair splayed around her pillow like an angel. He watched as she exhaled and inhaled, trying to match his breathing to hers. He focused on the dusting of freckles on her nose, counting them and resisting the urge to trace his fingers to connect them as though they were constellations. Every inch of her was perfection to Ben; he promised himself he wouldn’t leave an area of her skin un-kissed. 

He meditated. He felt her Force energy soothing his own; it was gentle and warm. Rey was the shore that calmly lapped at his rocky sands, washing him anew. 

He watched as she shifted slightly and her breasts bared as the fabric of the quilt moved. Rey trusted him enough to be like this with him, to let him hold her, make love to her —that had to count for something right? 

His breathing began to return to normalcy, the darkness _mostly_ dissipated but his head still spun. He decided some fresh air would do him good.

Ben carefully manoeuvred over Rey, mindful not to hit his head on the bunk above whilst simultaneously attempting not to wake her as he unravelled himself from her embrace. And, by some luck of the Force, he left the bed with her undisturbed —she immediately star fished across the entire expanse Ben had been filling. It was incredibly endearing, even if she did fidget _massively_ in her sleep and he’d received a few kicks to the shin and elbows to the ribs. It was a constant reminder that he wasn’t alone anymore —albeit, a somewhat painful reminder— though, he wouldn’t change it for the universe.

Ben quickly put on some trousers and a shirt, deciding to head to the roof of The Falcon. He had done this as a child when the nightmares became too much, when his head wouldn’t stop screaming, when the voices threatened to enclose him completely.

Sitting underneath the stars on the top of his father’s ship, naming constellations, planets and systems had been his solace. As a boy, Ben would make plans which planet to visit and when, which route he’d take when his father had taught him to pilot —calculation after calculation. He would order his path, his thoughts and movements, even when he felt like life had no order. 

Distracting himself with plans, holding onto hope for his future, fabricating questions for everything that he’d attempt to find the answers to later, both quietened the voices and pushed the darkness away long enough that he could breathe. He hoped it would still work.

Ben unlocked the hatch to the roof of the ship, clambering his large body frame up the ladders and out the hole. He remembered it being a lot easier when he was younger and smaller; at thirty years of age he wasn’t old though, his childhood felt like Light Years ago. He supposed he’d aged a lot more than he should have.

He navigated the uneven footing of the durasteel and sat crossed legged on top of the middle of the ship. His father used to reprimand him for doing so; nagging at him that he’d get muddy boot prints on the roof —as if The Falcon wasn’t dirty and old enough already. It never stopped him.

Ben let out a shaky exhale and took in his surroundings.

The entire sky was smothered in stars, the two moons blanketed the grassy landscape in a silver glow drawing out the light whisper of a breeze that felt cooling against his burning skin. His body always ran hot — _hot with emotions_ his mother used to say. For once, the Porgs weren’t screeching; the only sound he heard was the crashing of the sea against rock. He focused on it, matched his breathing to the movement and meditated.

Rey had been right —of course she had. This island perfectly mirrored the Force energy that swirled around him when he was in The World Between Worlds. Everything felt unusually balanced. Where there was the violence of the crashing waves, the Porgs brought peace of new life, where there was the dark Force energy of the cave, the Jedi Temple seethed with light. 

Something nagged at Ben; almost as if the Force was omitting what could only be described as _foreboding?_ It was calling at him. It was begging for his attention, similar to how the Force had led him to the strange manifestation of Luke. Perhaps, when he began his tutoring with Rey, they could mediate together to find the answer. The thought warmed him; he couldn’t wait to see her capabilities. 

In the distance, Ben noticed a small village lit up with torches. He squinted and he could just make out the silhouettes of people; they clearly were the locals Rey had been talking about. He wondered how long they’d inhabited the island. He wondered how much they’d seen. Ben hoped to meet them and ask questions about all of this; maybe they had answers as to why both Ben and Rey felt so drawn to Ahch-To.

_Hadn’t Rey dreamt of this island?_

“I used to look at the stars, too,” interrupted a voice that Ben thought had gone quiet a long time ago. 

Fear began to flare up in his chest, his breathing quickened again. _Would I ever be free of the darkness?_

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw a blue hue like figure appear and felt a strong barrage of a Force energy extremely similar to his own: vivid, fierce and vigorous. Slowly, he turned to look.

Ben immediately jumped to his feet, almost tripping over the uneven platform of the roof. 

There before him stood a force ghost. A force ghost whose height was similar to Ben’s own. 

The ghost’s hair was shaggy and long. There was a distinct scar starting from above his right brow and ending at his lower eyelid; it reminded Ben of his own scar that Rey had given him on Star Killer Base —he missed that scar. The ghost was dressed in Old Republic Jedi robes; he looked no older than his mid-twenties. 

“Grandfather?” Ben questioned, despite knowing irrevocably that it was him.

“Hello, Ben. Nice to finally meet you. Properly,” returned Anakin Skywalker.

“I- um,” Ben was at a complete loss of words. He had spent the majority of his life listening to what he thought was the manifestation of his grandfather’s voice telling him to “ _finish what he had started”_ , only for it all to have been a fabrication, a manipulation. A part of him worried that the ghost in front of him was still nothing more than smoke and mirrors. 

“You’re trying to figure out if I’m actually here, aren’t you?” 

“Yes. Forgive me, but it’s hard to judge what’s real anymore,” Ben furrowed his brow.

“I understand,” Anakin replied; something in Ben told him that he truly did. “Please, sit. I’ll join you if you don’t mind.” 

Ben returned to his position from earlier and Anakin sat down next to him. Up close, the translucency of Anakin’s blue figure was unnerving to Ben —this whole concept was unnerving to Ben.

_Just a typical, normal day when your dead grandfather pops down from the afterlife for a visit,_ Ben mused to himself. _Nothing strange here at all._

“You’re probably wondering why I’m here.” 

Ben let out a nervous laugh. “That’s one of the many things I’m wondering, yes.”

“You were given a second chance,” Anakin turned to Ben, placing a ghostly hand on his shoulder. The sense reminded Ben of the strange water in The World Between Worlds —a whisper of the real thing. “I know you’ll do your best to make the most of it,” he continued.

“How do I do that? I’m not sure why _I_ _was_ given another chance. Grandfath-”

“Just call me Grandad, Grandfather is too official,” Anakin laughed.

“Grandad,” Ben corrected, “where do I go from here?” 

Anakin slowly exhaled. “Redemption is a funny old thing. It’s not as cut and dry as you think. When I lost-” he cleared his throat, “when I lost Padmè, I lost sight of what was truly important. I lost sight of myself.” 

—Ben thought that if he ever lost Rey again, there would be no helping him. He’d be truly lost forever—

“But do you know what brought me back on track?” Anakin continued.

Ben shook his head.

“My son. He never lost hope in me. No matter how many times I disappointed him, after all I had done. Hope and —as corny as it sounds— love are the most powerful things. As long as you have someone, Ben. Someone who believes in you, to call you out on your shit, you’re going to be alright. You’ll figure it out.”

“I won’t- I don’t want to let her down,” Ben returned.

“You won’t.” Anakin spoke matter-of-factly. “Those who have seen us at our worst, who love us unconditionally, are the most important people in the universe. She’ll help you.” 

Ben nodded.

“—but that doesn’t mean you’re not capable on your own. I have to say, Ben, I’m proud of you. I’m proud to call you my grandson.” 

Ben had to blink back a few tears. After all he’d done how could he ever make anyone proud? Let alone his Grandfather?

In that moment, for once, Ben was completely grateful for his life; all he’d ever wanted was to make his family proud of him, for them to love him. He was slowly starting to realise that he had. He was slowly starting to realise that he shouldn’t try to redeem himself for everything he had done, but try to make things better. He could be better. 

“Thank you. I- That means a lot.”

Anakin let out a small laugh. “Yeah, well, I'm cool,” he teased.

Ben chuckled. He wished he had known his grandfather when he was alive, Ben was sure that he’d have spent all of his time learning from him, enjoying his company. He used to be frightened at the thought of being so similar to Anakin Skywalker, and now he was grateful. They had both made mistakes, now was the time for change.

“What happens if the darkness comes back? How do I resist it?”

“It’s not a matter of how you resist it anymore. Honestly, it never was. It’s the matter of how you control it, balance it. You are both the light and the dark, don’t be afraid of that. You’re incredibly special, Ben.” 

Ben nodded. “Thank you.”

“Just try to focus on the reality of your situation. You’ll need patience. The path to redemption is far from easy, there will be hardships. But you’ll come out all the better for facing them.”

Ben nodded.

“Besides,” Anakin continued, “life’s too short. Take it from the dead guy. That girl of yours? Just marry her, have a few kids. It’ll be worth it. That’s what life’s really about.”

Ben laughed wholeheartedly now. It wasn’t like he hadn’t entertained the thought of a simple, domestic life with Rey. It had been the one thing that got him through most nights; imaging what it would be like to call her his wife, picturing her pregnant with his child, cradling their new born —it was the closest thing he’d ever get to heaven. 

“I will.”

“Looks like you and Rey have a lot of work to do with the Force, I won’t keep you. So many unanswered questions, the Force is never explicit is it?” Anakin stood up. “About time someone cleared up all this mess,” he laughed. “The Jedi are with you Ben; _I_ am with you. May the Force be with you.” 

Then, just like he’d appeared, Anakin vanished. Ben was left to mull over the numerous revelations that his Grandfather had left him with. 

_“—it’s not the matter of how you resist it, anymore.” “—focus on the reality of your situation.” “—so many unanswered questions.” “—the Jedi are with you, Ben.”_

Ben’s head was spinning for an entirely different reason than before. It gave him purpose. He knew now that he’d come back for a reason, they needed to balance the Force.

_Balance_. 

Ben remembered the strange feminine voice that had spoken to him in The World Between Worlds. He had been so caught up in Rey _—classic me—_ that he’d not registered the true reason for his second chance. He would not waste it.

“Hey, you,” called a silky voice that sent immediate shivers up his spine. Rey’s voice was like the soft breeze of the wind, cooling him down and calming his thoughts. 

Ben turned over his shoulder to watch her come through the hatch. She was dressed in his grey shirt _again_ , dwarfing her small frame and tan coloured leggings. She was barefoot and navigated the uneven surface like a tightrope walker —her elegance rippled through her movements.

“Hey, you back,” he returned, reaching for her hand to help her over to him. “What’re you doing up?”

“I could ask you the same question,” she replied. “You woke me up by not being in the bed. Apparently, I can’t sleep without your deafening snores anymore.” 

Ben playfully rolled his eyes, allowing a small smirk to play at his lips.

“Do you want some company?” She asked, smiling at him.

“From you? Always.” Ben didn’t miss the slight blush decorating her cheeks at his comment.

They sat down, Ben’s left arm immediately wrapping around her. She melted into his embrace.

“You ok?” Rey asked after a few moments of comfortable silence. She could always see right through him; his younger self was scared of that. 

He’d spent his entire adult life fashioning walls and blockades so no one could see his true thoughts and feelings, protecting himself, and then Rey came along. She shone her sunlight through the cracks in the walls he built, chipping away at them until he wanted nothing more than to throw them down himself and bask in her warmth. Now he found strength in knowing she always understood, always seeing him for him.

“You know what?” He turned to look at her directly, “I am,” he laughed at himself in disbelief. “I actually am, Rey. And I think —no, I _know_ the reason is because of you.” 

Ben watched as her emerald eyes earnestly searched his own. They began to sparkle with unshed tears and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to disguise its quiver.

“I love you so much, Rey.” He leant forward and captured her lips in a soft kiss, the sensation sending tendrils of pleasure sparking over his body and through the bond.

Rey pulled back and broke the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You’re so cheesy, Ben,” she giggled. 

He laughed. “Well, you deserve all the cheese.” 

“I do like cheese. It's very tasty.” 

“You’d think a bar of soap is tasty,” he teased.

“Oi!” She playfully swatted his arm. “That was one time!”

Ben burst out laughing. “What?”

“...nothing.” 

Rey’s oak brunette hair lapped at her face as the breeze ran through it. She never wore her hair up anymore; her traditional three bun hairstyle was completely absent. These last couple of days she usually let her silky waves cascade over her shoulders. It was incredibly beautiful, it looked so soft; Ben’s fingers itched to—

“—Can I braid your hair?” Ben found himself asking before he’d even registered his mouth forming the words. He felt his cheeks burn red in embarrassment.

“What?” She blinked at him in confusion.

“Um, can I braid your hair?” Ben ran a hand through his own to mask his nerves, cringing to himself at how forward he was being. “I just noticed you don’t wear your buns anymore. Not that I don’t like your buns—” Rey’s cheeks went bright red, “—wait! not like that! I meant your hair buns. Shit, just ignore me.” 

She giggled. “Sure, you can braid my hair. I’ve never had my hair braided.” 

Ben’s heart squeezed in his chest. “Never?” 

She shook her head. 

“It’s kind of a big thing... for me. You letting me braid your hair. In my culture —or rather my mother’s— Alderaanians spoke a language through hair braiding. Each pattern meant a specific thing and well… who braided and un-braided it is very intimate.” 

“Oh.” She replied, her eyes widened at his words. “Like a tradition?” 

He nodded, frightened that if he spoke anymore, he’d scare her off.

“I’ve never had a family tradition before...” her voice held a slight waver. “Would it be ok if you did that with me? I wouldn’t be overstepping?”

“Sweetheart, you are my family. You’d never over step anything.” 

Ben felt an overwhelming wave of emotion bombard him through the bond. He watched as a single tear mapped over Rey’s sharp cheekbones, she used the back of her hand to wipe it away. 

“I am?” She sniffed. 

“Most definitely.” 

“Please braid my hair, Ben.” Her voice was desperate, as though she needed it as much as he did.

He nodded and patted the space in front of him. Rey climbed to sit in between his long legs, slotting perfectly into his space. He pressed a gentle kiss to her nape, feeling her skin break into goose bumps from the gesture and began to gently pull her hair through his fingers. 

He had been right previously; Rey’s hair felt like pure silk, he was careful not to tug at any lugs. Ben began twisting and weaving sections of hair into braids, relishing in Rey’s sighs of pleasure, how the bond buzzed delightfully being this close to her, the slight night breeze against his skin and the sounds of the waves against the shore. 

“My mother taught me to braid.” Ben offered quietly, unsure as to why he’d voiced that out loud. Perhaps, it was for himself as much as he informed Rey. A reminder of sorts that he’d always have this; he’d be close to his mother always if he could braid Rey’s hair in intricate Alderaan patterns, if one day he could teach his own children how.

“She always had such pretty hair,” Rey mused, “even in the middle of a battle she’d always look immaculate.”

Ben allowed himself to chuckle, even as his heart bled from missing her. His mother had always instilled in him the importance of looking presentable in public no matter the circumstances; it was something Ben took upon himself, even as The Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Appearance was everything; it had the ability to infuse fear as well as awe.

Ben tied off the finished braids with the hair ties Rey had kept around her wrist. “All done,” he spoke, silently anticipating how beautiful Rey would look when she turned around to face him.

As she did, Ben’s breath caught in his throat. She looked inexplicably alluring. A wisp of hair on each side of her temple framed her sculpted face in two delicate curls, just as the silver glow from the moons adorned her skin in an argent glimmer. Her shoulder length hair was now wrapped in two halo braids surrounding her entire head— a halo for his angel. 

Rey’s hands immediately flew up to her head to map out the feeling of them. 

“Well, I can’t see them but I’m sure they’re beautiful. Thank you.” She leant forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “What do they mean?”

Ben cleared his throat, running a hand through his raven locks. “Well the first halo braid means beauty and strength; two things you are completely. And, um, the second when paired with the first often means that you’re… involved _romantically_ with someone. Often the person who braided your hair in the first place…” he trailed off, suddenly very embarrassed by his explanation.

Rey’s lips broke out into the brightest smile Ben had ever seen; it was all teeth and eyes that sparkled like the stars above them. “So, we’re romantically involved, are we?” She giggled, poking his stomach with her index finger. “Are you my _boyfriend_ , Ben?” She teased, clearly trying to wind him up.

He sighed, a small smirk flicking at the corners of his mouth. He was thirty years old, the notion of him being her ‘boyfriend’ made him feel like a teenager all over again. 

“Whatever.” 

Suddenly she pulled him into a sloppy kiss, raking her hands through his own hair. She moved to sit on his lap, trapping his thighs between her own. He roamed his hands down her body, cupping her perfect arse in his palms. It wasn’t long before his own body reacted to her endeavours.

“Come back to bed?” She breathed against his lips, a mischievous glint twinkling in her eyes.

“What about your braids? I wouldn’t want to ruin them,” he teased, voice etched with want.

“I suppose you’ll have to,” she leant forward, her lips brushing against the shell of his ear, “ _unravel_ me.” 

Ben chuckled darkly. “Oh, I _will_.”

The events of his very strange night would be something for tomorrow’s worries. Right now, Ben had far more pressing matters to attend to.

_—Rey-matters,_ he mused to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! sorry for the late upload -I had a wee bit of writers block and lost my confidence. Hope this chapter is ok. I think I know the direction I'm taking these pair in now. 
> 
> Thank you for being so patient and for reading in general. I really appreciate it.
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	14. Letting old things die.

On the morning of their fourth day, Rey had woken Ben up bright and early —not without his incessant grumbling about it being far too early of course. 

To say Rey was excited to begin her training with Ben would be a complete understatement. She looked forward to being taught the light _and_ the dark sides of the force in balance, by someone who not only knew his stuff, but had been on both sides personally and _actually wanted_ to teach her —unlike Luke.

It was a crisp morning; frost settled at the tips of the blades of grass, dusting the entire island in what reminded Rey of sugar. The suns poked their beams through the breaks in the thick clouds, bathing the island in white and yellow hues. The Porgs were screeching again —Ben even mimicked them at one point in his annoyance, making Rey laugh more than have sympathy for his bad mood.

They had decided to continue her training on a small clearing of grass, not too far from The Falcon. This was mostly because Ben would have lost his temper completely, had they traipsed all the way back up to the temple.

Ben unfolded a blanket over the grass and gestured for her to sit on it. 

“Comfy?” He asked, a slight bit of sleep still seeping through his voice.

“Hm, hm,” she nodded.

“Good,” Ben joined her on the blanket, sitting in front of her and crossing his legs. Rey mimicked his position.

“Ok,” he continued, clearing his throat, “I’m not really sure how much you progressed into your training, so I thought we’d just start with a simple meditation today. That ok?” 

“Hm, hm.”

“Right, so do you know why we mediate in the first place?”

Ben placed an impossibly large, veiny hand on her knee, running his thumb along it in soft circles. The sensation simultaneously comforted her and elicited bubbly tingles over her skin. 

_Concentrate, Rey._

“To connect with the Force more?” She offered, peeling her eye line from his hand and to his eyes. Rey hadn’t really noted the exact reasons why, she just did it because that’s what force users do. 

He chuckled warm thunder, Rey fought a shiver. “Well yes, but that’s not the entire reason. As well as that, the Jedi used meditation to identify their most prominent emotions and then let them go. The idea was for a Jedi to become an empty vessel that the Force would be able to fill. Now knowing that, what purpose do you think the Sith used meditation for?” 

Rey stared blankly at him for a while, letting his words sink into her brain. An empty vessel for the Force hardly sounded appealing to her —and void of any emotion? Certainly not. 

The more Rey learned about the Jedi teachings and practices, the more she realised how wrong the whole notion sat with her. Emotions weren’t always bad. Sure, they caused complications sometimes— but isn’t that part of being a person? Complications? 

A crease formed on Rey’s brow and she worried her bottom lip as she thought of a young Ben, sent away from all that he knew to practice a religion that renounced his beautiful wild spirit and character. Ben had been right a year ago in Snoke’s Throne Room —well, maybe not _completely_ correct in the way he went about it at the time— but old things needed to die, it was time for change.

Ben waved a powerful hand in front of her eyes, snapping her back to the lesson. The pastel yellow rays from the suns haloed behind his raven locks, making him look angelic.

There was no way this man was ever inherently evil.

“Sorry! Um, the opposite?” Rey answered hesitantly. 

“Exactly!” Ben exclaimed, making her jump a slight bit. “The Sith wanted to harness those emotions rather than let them go, bringing them to the forefront and turning them into power.” 

Rey nodded along. “Makes sense.” _—no wonder Ben left to find answers from the dark side._

“One aspect both sides shared was that they used meditation to witness or re-conjure visions. They channelled the Force to make the visions stronger. This was so they could see and feel more of what the Force was showing them…” 

Ben’s face dropped as he trailed off; splashes of doubt clouded his features. “Am I going too fast? Stop me if I am, it’s a bad habit of mine.”

“No, no, I'm actually following what you’re saying,” — _for once,_ Rey wanted to add, though she thought against saying it. She suspected Ben had a lifetime of people telling him to slow down, or had just been too disinterested to listen in the first place. Rey was starting to realise that although he was such an expressive person, he lacked a lot of confidence. 

“Good.” Ben scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I figured in order for us to decipher how to balance both meditation techniques, you’d have to know the difference between them first.” — _gods he’s so smart—_ “Would you mind showing me how you normally meditate, angel? And then we’ll go from there.” 

Rey felt a sudden wave of nervousness take hold of her. She really wanted to impress him, but meditation was far from her strong suit. Rey was more of an in the moment, sudden dire situation that calls for her to use the force or they’d be all fucked, kind of force user.

“Hey sweetheart, don’t be nervous, it's ok,” Ben must have felt her through the bond, “it’s only me.” He laughed. “I’ve kinda seen you in more… _intimate_ situations.” 

“Yeah, I know. It’s just… I’m not that good at it.”

“Me neither. Never have been,” he returned. 

“Wait, what? I thought you were Mr. Pro?” She teased.

He shrugged. “I can never concentrate at first, takes a while.” 

“Huh,” she replied, starting to feel a bit more confident, “ok, but don’t laugh at me,” she flicked his nose playfully. 

“I won’t, I promise.” He removed his hand from her knee; Rey couldn’t tell if she was grateful he had or disappointed. 

Rey closed her eyes, placing her palms upwards on her knees. She took a deep breath and attempted to metaphorically ‘reach out’ to the Force. 

Rey became very aware of a cramp that rudely announced itself in her lower back; she shifted. Once that was gone, suddenly there was an itch on her arm that she had to scratch. Then the Porgs were at it again with their incessant screeches and she just couldn’t focus. 

“Ugh!” She sighed, opening her eyes. “I told you, Ben! I’m shit at it.” 

“Rey, you’re not shit. You just need to relax, ok? Am I making you nervous? I can turn around if you wanted-”

“No! It’s not you! You’re actually helping a _lot._ Your presence is soothing.” —A dusted blush began to spread over Ben’s cheeks— “I just can’t seem to be ‘zen’ you know?” 

“I do actually,” Ben supplied, “I’m exactly the same.”

Rey shrugged. “Maybe we’re just not ‘peaceful’ people,” she joked. 

“Honestly, you might be onto something there, Rey.”

“How so?” 

“Well, I’ve kind of been entertaining that notion for a while now, I meant to try it with you anyway. It’s just, I don’t know about you, but when I first began training, before I was fully in control, the force kinda came to me on impulse. Like when I was all pent up or extremely passionate about something,”

“I’m exactly the same!” Rey agreed.

“Maybe that’s where we’re falling short with meditation. Remember what you said? About how you felt, _after_ we,” Ben gestured to the both of them, “you know… for the first time.”

“About me feeling extremely serene despite how intense the sex was?” Rey found it adorable that Ben couldn’t say the word ‘sex’ despite how forward he was when he wanted to do it. 

“Right,” he cleared his throat, his cheeks were flushed pink, “well, what if that’s the only way we can achieve peace?”

“With sex?!” She laughed

“No! I didn’t- let me finish,” Ben was bright red now, “I meant by thinking about something we were passionate or emotional about. It seems that that’s the only time we achieve both sides of the Force; after we do something passionate, we achieve serenity.” 

“Ben, that actually makes complete sense.”

“Right, well as you meditate, think of something that made the Force come to you. Something that you felt strongly about, but also you balanced out with peace or happiness.” 

She nodded. “Ok, let’s try it.” 

Rey resumed her meditation position from earlier and closed her eyes. This time, instead of picturing peace, she remembered when she had lifted the rocks back on Crait, how she had saved her friends from the wrath of the First Order by clearing a path from the old Resistance base to The Falcon. She pictured how she felt; the passion and the urgency to get to her friends but also the relief and the peace she’d felt when she actually managed to save them. 

Rey began to feel connected to the Force more than any time before; she fell into a strong meditative state. She truly felt as though she coexisted with balance. Ben was right; to achieve their peace, they needed passion.

_Rey,_ Ben’s voice was velvet soft in her mind as he spoke through their bond, _can you tell me what you see, please?_

Rey’s mind swirled with colours. At first there was a line in a twist of royal blue, flowing peacefully. Then, a sudden spark of red pierced the blue directly in the middle, splitting it in half. The line became red and sputtering, save from a few specks of leftover blue; its anger and texture reminded Rey of Kylo Ren’s Lightsaber. The colour began to fade out into grey, deadening the movements. After a while, the line fluttered back to life as a stream of gold twisted around it —repairing it. The original line became a brilliant purple and Rey recognised it almost instantly. 

“You.” Rey said out loud, almost whispering, “I see you. Your force signature; how the dark pierced it and changed it. I see that you’re both, the light and the dark.” 

The gold from earlier returned, dancing and twirling with his purple signature. The two beams playfully coexisted with each other, occasionally melding together completely before parting. 

“I see us. The dyad, our bond —Our _love._ I see… _balance.”_

The vision ended and Rey slowly fluttered her eyelids open, readjusting to reality. When she’d fully refocused, she noticed Ben staring at her with something she’d come to recognise as _awe_. She felt a flush creep up her neck, she felt butterflies in her stomach.

“Ben?” She asked gently, “Is everything ok?” 

He shook his head, falling out of his trance. “Huh? Oh, yeah! I’m amazing! Rey, do you know what you just did?!” 

“I just told you what I saw? Like you asked me to?” She replied, her confusion taking up a residence on her features.

He laughed. “Yes, you did. But Rey you didn’t even need to. You shared your vision with me! I saw everything. And you did it entirely by accident!! That’s- you’re incredible!” 

Ben kissed her then. It was the type of kiss that left her completely breathless and was slightly too inappropriate for the outdoors. Rey would have been worried about the locals seeing them, had she not been so swept up in Ben. 

When he pulled back, he spoke to her so gently it hurt her. “Rey, that was so beautiful.” 

She giggled. “It was, wasn't it?” 

Ben brushed a stray hair over her ear. “What you just did —by _accident_ might I add— is _extremely_ difficult. Especially the first time doing it. You’ve never done that before?”

She shook her head.

“Wow,” his eyes widened and he let out a large exhale, “this is going to be so much more fun than I thought.” 

“Maybe it was the Dyad thing? Maybe it’s hard sharing with other force users but not between us?” Rey suggested.

Ben rubbed his chin. “That’s not a bad theory actually.” A devilish smirk began to grow on his lips. “Or maybe it’s just your fascinating susceptibility with the Force?”

She blushed at the compliment, rolling her eyes at his blatant flirting. “Perhaps you should try sharing a vision with me. If I can do it without even registering, surely you can too.” 

“Err,” Ben replied, running a hand through his hair, “Rey, I’m not sure.” 

“Why not? I won’t judge,” she laughed.

“It’s not that. It’s just all the visions I’ve had have been far from nice. Nothing I ever want _you_ to see.” Ben sounded crestfallen, like he wanted to join in with the fun but didn’t want to hurt her or upset her. 

“Oh.” Rey’s mind was once again intruded by thoughts of Ben being tormented by the darkness. She wondered when it had begun. 

“Ben, I’m sorry. I wish I could take them away.” She ran a soothing hand up his thigh.

“Hey, now, that’s ok,” he shrugged, “it is what it is.”

It hurt Rey to hear how nonchalant he was about his upsetting past; it was almost like he was numb to it —like he expected it. She hoped that with time he would see that he shouldn't expect pain and torment and that he deserved love and happiness. Rey would remind him every second of every day if she had to.

“Ben, can I ask you a question? Don’t answer it if you don’t want to.” 

“Sweetheart, you can ask me anything,” he replied, pairing his words with the most warming smile Rey had ever seen. 

“Um, when did you start to feel the darkness call for you?” Rey purposefully made her voice sound delicate; almost as if her tone would make up for what she was asking.

“Oh. That old thing.” Ben let out a nervous laugh; there were splinters of self-depreciation in the sound. He pulled his fingers through his hair. “Dunno, really. I guess it had been there my entire life. I don’t really remember a time without it.”

“What? Even as a child?!” Rey was horrified to think of an innocent wild-haired young boy, who was smart and loved to read and wanted nothing more than to be a pilot like his father, that was haunted by terrible dreams and snarling voices manipulating him into doing monstrous things.

“Especially then. Like I said before, my tantrums weren’t pretty.” He replied. Ben was staring off into the space behind her, almost as if he was watching their surroundings —looking for something. His dark eyes flitted across her background, his jaw tightened so hard she swore she heard a pop sound and a crease formed between his brows. Rey wanted nothing more than to kiss the expression away —he was scared. 

Rey took his hand in her own; it seemed to give him the courage he needed to continue.

“I overheard Ma saying to Dad once that she felt it coming after me when she was pregnant…” He was whispering now, like if he said it any louder the darkness would hear —it would come back. 

Rey felt a stray tear map along her cheek. “ _Ben,_ I-” she swallowed, looking for the right words. She settled with, “I love you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that bastard did what he did to you.” She pulled him into a crushing embrace.

He kissed her head and nuzzled into her neck, appearing as though he had no words to offer her. That was ok; she’d hold onto him like this forever if he let her. 

Ben pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. Rey moved her lips to his brow and kissed it. 

Rey thought back to the first time she had felt the darkness call for her during her first meditation attempt with Luke. She remembered how the cave on this very island spoke to her almost as a friend, promising her answers to all the questions she had. She thought about all the unruly dark visions she had received since then, especially ones involving Ben —or rather Kylo Ren— and her. Rey wondered if Ben had seen any similar.

“What did you see?” Rey whispered, before she’d even registered her mouth forming the words.

“I’m sorry? I don’t follow.”

“You said you saw it —saw _me_ — on the dark side. You said so on _The Supremacy_ and _The Death Star._ ”

Ben’s eyes widened in realisation. “Ah,” he let out a shaky exhale, “most times it was you just taking my hand, but other times…” he trailed off, directing his gaze anyway but at her.

“What, Ben? What was it?”

“I saw your heritage, though that meant nothing to me —it wasn’t what defined you, it never will be. I saw your anger, your loneliness. I saw _us…_ on the Sith Throne.” 

Rey’s heart sped up. He’d seen it too. “So did I.”

“Pardon?”

“I had the same vision of us on the throne. I was never scared of it though; I was more frightened because… I’d never felt more like I belonged. I’d never felt so- so _powerful.”_ Rey desperately sought comfort in Ben’s eyes. “I liked it, Ben. It felt… good. Being with you like that, taking control of everything.”

Ben’s face was void of any emotion as he listened to her explain. Rey felt a wave of sympathy flood her through the bond, as well as _understanding._ Ben wasn’t judging her —far from it— if anything, he appeared as though he respected her, he was empathising with her. Ben _understood_ her.

“Does that make me a bad person?” Rey continued, her voice delicate in anticipation of his answer.

“No!” He shouted, jostling Rey a slight bit. “Sorry but Rey you are so far from a bad person! You’re living proof of everything that is wonderful in the universe,” he lifted a hand to cup her cheek, softly running a thumb over her cheekbone, and relaxed his features, “I just think it makes you _human_. That’s all. Inherently we’re all flawed, all tempted by things perhaps we shouldn’t be. And you know what? That’s ok. We have to begin to understand that that’s ok.”

“It is?”

“Of course, it is. I think how we go about being better —not that _you_ need to be, but how _I would—_ is understanding when not to give in to it. And also understanding when we _can_ give in to it. Not all desires are to be feared or shunned.” 

His explanation settled with Rey far nicer than any other teachings she had received in the past; she was beginning to feel as though Ben was always supposed to finish her training. The Force really did work in mysterious ways.

“From what you explained,” he continued, “I don’t think it was necessarily the power of the dark side that attracted you —it was the same for me. It sounded as though you were more attracted to the need to control things, to feel- feel as though you _belonged_ somewhere.” Ben’s words reigned true to how she had felt —and clearly him, too. His eyes sparkled and misted slightly as he spoke, almost as if he was beginning to forgive _himself_ for everything he had done. 

“I think you’re right, Ben. I felt powerful because I had a sense of belonging, I’d never felt before. I knew who _I was,_ where I was supposed to be for the first time in my entire life.” Rey moved to wrap her arms around Ben’s neck, shuffling slightly so she straddled his lap. “It was with you. It always has been.” 

She watched as Ben’s features relaxed, letting out a shaky exhale. He idly rubbed her hip with his thumb, focusing his eye line on that spot rather than her face. 

“Same here.” He almost whispered, suddenly finding the courage to look into her eyes. “I hate that I stopped us from that. If I hadn’t had been such an idiot maybe this could have happened a lot sooner…” 

Rey shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. It’s happened now. The past is the past, let it die remember?” She offered him a small teasing smirk at her reference to his old words. 

Ben’s lips turned upwards slightly, letting out an exhale of a laugh. She softly pecked his lips in a gentle kiss.

“Please, meditate with me?” Rey pleaded, “perhaps it won’t be a bad vision you receive. We’re in uncharted territory now. How will we balance the Force if we don’t understand the capabilities of our Dyad?” 

He nodded slowly and then furrowed his brow. “Rey, you might- you might see some things that could make you hate me. Things I’ve done.” 

Rey shook her head. Staring into his eyes as she cupped his face softly, she spoke, “I could never hate you. Even when I was supposed to, when you were my enemy, I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried to. Ben, I’ll always love you. Can’t you feel how much I do?”

She watched as he swallowed thickly, as his Adam’s Apple bobbed. He removed her hands from his face and kissed her knuckles. 

“I do,” he whispered, a slight waver permeating his speech, “this amount of love is foreign to me, Rey. I don’t want to lose it, but I’m not sure what to do with it.” 

She giggled, “and you think I do? Ben, not gonna lie, I get scared sometimes about how much you love me and I, you. I half expect you to get bored of me and run off.” His eyes widened in horror at this, she felt his pain burn through to her.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Rey. I need you. How could you think I’d get bored of you? How could you think I’d _ever_ leave you?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. How do you think I’d ever hate you?” She smiled softly. “I don’t think we’re used to this kinda thing.” 

“No,” he laughed, “we’re not.” 

“So, will you do it? Please?”

Ben let out a shaky exhale, released her hands and situated himself in his meditation position. As he closed his eyes, Rey mimicked him, remembering what he’d said previously about balancing. As she fell into her meditative state, she felt her connection with Ben —their door into each other's mind— open up further. The Force chorused around them, rocks began to vibrate, slowly levitating above ground. As they fell deeper into the Force —into each other’s minds— both Ben and Rey also began to float above the grass. 

Rey felt Ben’s presence in the Force stronger than she had ever before. His vibrant energy twisted around her own soothingly and familiarly, similar to how her vision from earlier showed their signatures. Suddenly, the Force presented them both with passing and disorderly visions, flickering into their minds and leaving just as quickly:

_The Cave underneath the island._

_The depiction of the Prime Jedi._

_A dark void that was neither empty nor full._

_Their hands touching a year ago._

_A beautiful woman —with long ringlets of oak hair, dressed in a lavender silk dress— cradling her large pregnant belly. The Force was silent around her save for her unborn children. Behind her stood a man with a Force energy similar to Ben's and he watched the woman with a loving smile._

_A planet unlike any other, life and death in a perpetual cycle. The Force surged impossibly strong. A Goddess — her Light blinding. “Balance,” she spoke, “children of Balance. Come find me, Dyad.”_

_Two new born baby girls crying. Their Force signatures were incredibly powerful._

The vision ended. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> queue the obligatory "sorry, I'm late" comment.
> 
> Really I am though.
> 
> Expect another chapter tomorrow evening. 
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	15. Joining.

Ben and Rey floated back down to the grass along with the rocks, the Force settling around them in a peaceful hum rather than the evocative vibrations from earlier.

Ben blinked his eyes open adjusting to the suns of Ahch-To, slightly breathless and weak after witnessing what was the most vivid and perplexing vision he had ever seen. He had suspected that if he meditated with Rey, they would receive strong visions, though nothing could have prepared him for that. 

As Rey came to, he watched her eyes flutter open and then earnestly search his own for answers. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair that stuck out from her halo braids was slightly tousled and static from The Force surrounding them. Ben thought she looked radiant and a little like she normally did after they—

_How am I thinking about sex at a time like this? I really need to get my head out of the gutter._

Rey softly pushed into his thoughts to hear what he was thinking. She giggled and then furrowed her brow as she found he was just as confused as she was, then nibbled at her thumb nail as she always does when she’s anxious.

Ben cleared his throat. “Well. That’s new.” 

“Uh Huh,” she agreed. “What _was_ that, Ben?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea. I’ve never experienced a vision like that before. Never one so _clear_ and downright batshit.” 

Rey let out a breathy laugh. 

“You ok, sweetheart?” He continued. “It knocked me about a bit, how about you?” He sent concern over to her.

“I’m ok. Just a little rattled. You?” She reached for his hand, both suddenly needing the comfort of each other’s touch. He intertwined their fingers together, the bond hummed pleasantly at their contact.

Ben felt a lazy smirk grow on his lips. “I’m good _now_ ,” he teased, lifting her hand up to his lips to place a soft kiss on her knuckles.

She rolled her eyes, though Ben didn’t miss the slight blush creeping up her neck and a tingle of arousal seeping from her through the bond. “Stop flirting for one second,” she huffed, “how are we even going to begin deciphering that shite?”

“I say we go back to the _Falcon_ and write what we saw down somewhere. That’s what I normally do when I have a vision. Helps me make sense of it.” 

She nodded. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but can the lesson be over? You’re an amazing teacher, but if I don’t have a nap and eat something soon, I think I might die.”

Ben let out a breathy laugh, silently enjoying how similar they both are with their over dramatic tendencies. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Ben gripped her hand tighter as they both stood up, his shaky legs threatening to push them both off balance. He grabbed the blanket they were both sitting on in one hand, the other clasping Rey’s and they made their way back towards the ship, mindful not to trip down the uneven and steep surface that was the island of Ahch-To. 

The unfortunately familiar sensation of being watched that Ben had become accustomed to during his time on the dark side, began to creep over him and subsequently Rey. They stopped still and he felt a shiver run through her as well as himself.

“Ben?” Rey whispered, squeezing her grip on his hand tighter, “do you feel that?”

He nodded, searching the expanse surrounding them for some sort of movement. He dropped the blanket and moved so that Rey stood behind him, offering her at least some protection from whatever was pursuing them —not that she needed to be protected; Rey could hold her own better than anyone he'd ever known. It seemed at that moment the entire island went silent —no Porgs screeching, even the tide seemed to slow.

Breaking the quiet as fast as it had come, dozens of the local caretakers —all dressed in various grey fabrics— swarmed around both Ben and Rey. They created a circle surrounding them both, preventing them from moving any further. 

They began chanting in a language that Ben and Rey had never heard before, circling them. Then simultaneously they all stopped, dropping to their knees they began to pray. 

“Err,” said Ben, “do they normally do this?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Do you think we’ll ever have just one normal day?”

“Absolutely not.” Rey repeated, a slight smirk brushing across her pointed lips.

A singular caretaker walked forward to stand directly in front of Ben and Rey; they were slightly taller than the others and dressed in a long grey dress that reached the floor, holding a brown staff with a hooked end in their right hand. They were clearly the leader of the tribe.

They spoke in a cursive language directly addressing Ben and Rey, both exchanging confused looks in return.

“Um, do you speak Aurebesh?” Ben questioned the Tribe leader. 

They repeated their previous statement in reply. 

“Basic?” Rey offered only to receive the same thing. “Shyriiwook? Rodian? Tusken?” 

The tribe leader just remained silent, then gently tugged on the bottom of Rey’s poncho. 

“I think perhaps they want to show us something, Ben. We should follow them.” 

Ben arched his right brow, sceptical to trust them —or anyone that wasn’t Rey, really. 

He turned to Rey, watching as she kneeled in front of the small person, how she smiled and held out the palm of her hand for the leader to grasp. How she could just be so easily friendly to people she’d never met before, or even to people she _did_ know; Ben would never understand. He found himself slightly jealous at her social butterfly nature; Ben had never been good at social interaction if it wasn’t barking orders or threats. He figured it made sense —while Ben’s social skills were completely inept, Rey thrived when in the company of others. They balanced each other out.

“How do you know they’re not gonna kill us and eat us or something?”

It was Rey’s turn to cock a brow, though in the direction of him instead of the locals. She shook her head. “They’re harmless. And they’re kind. I’m surprised they haven’t kicked me off the island because of the wreckage I’ve caused, let alone want to talk to me. It can’t hurt to just look. Come on,” she elbowed his shin whilst she was still kneeling, “live a little.”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

“Oh, Ben you’re always the one in ‘the pursuit of knowledge’ or whatever. Stop being moody! We get it, you like to brood.” 

He scoffed. “I do not ‘ _like to brood’._ ” 

Rey stood up, crossing her arms over her chest whilst raising her eyebrows at him impressively high.

“...not all the time.” He mumbled. 

She rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m going to follow them. You’re welcome to join me unless you’d rather do a ‘Classic Ben Solo’ and sulk?” 

“I- but- this isn’t- “he sighed, “ _fine.”_ His girl really knew how to push his buttons and get him to do anything she asked —not that he’d ever really be able to say no to her anyway.

The locals must have understood their interaction and began to filter off in the opposite direction from the _Falcon_ , the leader reaching for Rey’s hand and tugging her along. Ben trudged behind them, cursing his inability to have a nice quiet day with the woman he loves. 

They were led over hills, rocks and copious amounts of precipitous steps that Ben was completely convinced were designed to torture him specifically. They seemed to walk for ages as they were taken to the complete opposite side of the island —and it was _still morning_ , not even the middle of the day yet.

_It’s far too early for this shit. I should be in bed, with an extremely sated Rey after we-_

“Ben, shut up whingeing!” 

“I didn’t say anything!”

Rey turns around to give him a scowl, pointing to her own head with a ferocity he’d become far too familiar with in battle against her. “You may as well be shouting; your thoughts are that loud!”

He grumbles out a half-arsed sorry in reply, earning him a warning scowl that he might be sleeping on the common room couch tonight, if he doesn’t snap out of his grumpy mood soon.

_Finally,_ they reached the small village that Ben had spotted the previous night. The surrounding fencing that enclosed around went up to about Ben’s shoulder height and was made entirely out of old mossy rock, as well as the huts that the locals lived inside. 

The archway to enter the village seemed to be the perfect height for Rey and thus, a complete inconvenience for Ben. He expected he’d have to be crouching the entire time if he wanted to fit _anywhere_ inside one of the huts, if that was where they were taking them. 

As Ben followed behind Rey, ducking his broad frame under the top of the stone archway, his ears were suddenly assaulted by the loudest, most triumphant sounding music he had ever heard. Several of the locals were banging on some sort of drums, while several others were blowing into some kind of trumpet —if Ben hadn’t been miserable before. He had a few things he could say about the execution and overall presentation of their music; it certainly wasn’t the kind he’d listen to in his spare time. 

The music — _if one could even call it that—_ continued until Ben and Rey were led to the central camp fire in the middle of the village. They were told to sit on one of the benches surrounding the fire and with one raise of a brown hooked staff, the locals were all ordered to cease their tunes by the leader of the tribe. 

The leader addressed the audience of the locals, every now and then gesturing to Ben and Rey. The indecipherable speech was met with _oo’s_ and _ahh’s_ from the crowd of caretakers, ending in a thunderstorm of applause when the leader had finished. 

The leader turned to Rey, once again speaking something unintelligible, though a lot softer in tone than their previous address to the village. 

Rey was then presented with numerous yellow flowers — the likes of which Ben had never seen before— by the children in the village at the leader’s command. They adorned her halo braids, placed a necklace of them around her neck and even dressed her wrists in bracelets intertwined with the delicate sunlight petals. The entire time Rey beamed brighter than the flowers now wrapped around her, giggling soft warm sounds from her pointed lips. 

Ben’s foul mood disappeared completely witnessing her so unapologetically happy and beautifully decorated in flora, that seemed to symbolise Rey perfectly. He made a mental note to find out the name of the flower, so that he could decorate the entire Falcon with them and weave them into her braids in the future.

When they had finished dressing her, the leader turned to Ben. They spoke directly to him in a slightly firmer tone than they had to Rey; though, Ben sensed there was no maliciousness behind their words, despite not understanding them.

At the leader’s command, the children of the village presented Ben with flowers of a deep royal purple and began dressing him despite his polite declining. They placed a flower crown on his head, a floral sash over his right shoulder and adorned his wrists also with bracelets. 

He could feel Rey suppress a laugh at his expense behind her hand, trying and failing himself to prevent a small chuckle from escaping his own lips. 

The leader spoke again, gesturing for more children to come forth to meet them. This time, they were offered a scroll of tanned parchment that was rolled up and tied with a single piece of thread, two large grey flowers and a small Kyber crystal that sang gracefully to Ben. 

Rey was handed the scroll and flowers to which she gently tucked into the pockets of her poncho, whilst a child placed the Kyber firmly in Ben’s palm. Immediately, at his contact it turned the same vibrant royal purple as the flowers dressed around him. It buzzed pleasantly in his palm, only slightly more bewitching than Rey’s own. 

Ben stared at it with wide eyes, feeling his jaw drop to the floor and himself slightly well up. He hadn’t felt this bonded with his first Kyber Crystal and Lightsaber he had fashioned when he began his Jedi training with Luke all those years ago; even when he had bled it to form his red-yellow Cross guard sabre, it had cracked both from his unsuccessful bleeding and his un-fully formed bond. This Kyber Crystal practically chorused at his touch, beckoning him to it. 

Ben lifted his head, pulling his teary-eyed gaze from the Crystal. He turned to the child in front of him and to the leader and spoke, “Thank you,” his voice trembled with emotion, “I have no idea how you have my Crystal, but truly thank you.” 

The leader bowed their head in reply. They then handed their staff to a caretaker beside them and offered a hand each to Ben and Rey. They took them, stood up and were led closer to the fire.

The leader placed Ben’s right hand over Rey’s left, and proceeded to wrap a grey silk that was embellished across the edges with impressions of the purple and yellow flowers, around their clasped hands. Rey glanced up at Ben, giggling at the absurdity of the whole situation, and Ben found that he couldn’t take his eyes off her in that moment —not that he could anyway. 

It was almost as though he was witnessing her transcending beauty for the first time again. Rey’s sun kissed bronze skin almost sparkled, her freckles definitely mimicked a constellation Ben couldn’t quite put his finger on, her oak hair teased the flowers and her braids elegantly, her smile was so bright it physically hurt his heart and her _eyes —_ they glittered in the sunlight, mixing her normally earthy green irises into a spectacular hazel. 

Ben felt his cheeks begin to ache at how much he was smiling at her. He felt himself fall completely in love with her all over again.

The Force and their bond seemed to surge and dance around them as the leader began speaking, addressing them both. It felt just as perfectly intense as when they made love; Ben could practically feel their Force signatures flirt with one another. 

The leader continued their speech, the entire time both Ben and Rey gazed at each other, smiling like love sick teenagers. Ben felt Rey’s love pour over to him like the calming waves of the shore, he in turn poured his right back.

In the distance, a collection of blue hue like figures watched with smiles. Particularly, one small female figure, with grey hair wrapped around in intricate braids. The woman wiped a tear from her eye as she witnessed the joining, grateful she’d finally gotten the hang of summoning herself as a Force Ghost, as she wouldn’t have wanted to miss this for anything.

The entire village erupted into applause and cheers when the leader finished their speech, untying the silk wrap. Ben was filled with the immense urge to kiss Rey —so he did— and they kissed until they were both breathless, feeling as though they were the only two in the universe.

The cheery music started up again, though this time Ben didn’t mind it and found himself pulling Rey into him. He tucked his Kyber into the pocket of his trousers, then placed his right hand on her hip and his left lifted her right hand. Ben began to spin and dance them both around the fire, basking in the joy, Rey’s pleasant giggles, her love and the wonderful buzz of the Force and their bond. 

It wasn’t long before the rest of the village began to join in, each of them pulling their own partners into a dance. Ben couldn’t remember a time he’d felt this happy —this _free_ — in his entire life; it felt as though everything was falling into place, like he had finally found his belonging. 

Ben span Rey around, her poncho splaying out and twisting with her movements. He knew that she’d never danced before —she’d told him so through the bond as he first pulled her to him— but, just like everything else she newly attempted, she completely perfected it. He expected her to be an elegant dancer, just as she was an elegant warrior in battle, and Ben had never been more correct about anything. Rey danced like she was meant to.

Rey pulled off Ben after a few more spins, bracing her hands on her knees as she caught her breath. 

“Oh gosh,” she breathed, beaming up at him, “that was so much fun! Where did you learn to dance like that?” 

“I had lessons,” Ben mumbled under his breath in reply, hoping to the Force she didn’t hear or press any further.

“What?” She laughed, standing up to her normal height, “I can’t hear you.” 

He sighed, “I had lessons, ok?! When I was younger. Ma believed that _‘every successful gentleman should know how to dance.’”_

“Oh,” was all Rey could reply before she burst out laughing, snorting unabashedly.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, _scavenger.”_

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry,” Rey wiped a tear from her eye, Ben could tell she definitely wasn’t sorry, “it’s just _absolutely hilarious_ to imagine The Supreme Leader Kylo Ren perfecting the fucking Waltz. Or even better yet, the Tango!” Rey was cackling now. 

Ben was not at all impressed. He did not appreciate being laughed at by the woman he’d had a huge crush on from the moment they had met. 

He sighed again and turned around to walk away. Before he could, Rey grabbed his arm and pulled him back, staring at him and clearly trying her hardest not to laugh. 

“I’m sorry, Ben. I’ll stop now. It’s really rather sweet now I think about it.” 

“Whatever.” 

“It is! It’s adorable,” she lifted to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Ben felt his cheeks burn red.

“Anyway,” Ben coughed, “what was that they gave you?”

“Oh, the scroll? No idea. We should look at it later when we write down our vision, maybe after we’ve enjoyed the festivities a bit longer,” she smiled, “I can’t believe you have a Kyber! Can I see it?”

“‘Course,” Ben pulled his Kyber Crystal from his pocket and placed it gently in Rey’s soft palm. He felt it buzz pleasantly at her contact — _yeah, me too, Crystal. Me too._

“Wow!” Rey’s eyes widened, rolling the crystal around her fingers, testing the feel of it. “It’s perfect! I think he likes me.” 

“He?” Ben chuckled, silently enjoying Rey’s adorable habit of personifying non-living things.

“Yes, he. He’s very regal and elegant, don’t you feel?” 

He laughed in reply.

“Just like you,” she continued.

Ben shook his head, cursing how easily giddy she made him feel. 

She tucked the Crystal back into Ben’s trouser pocket, the action turning him on way more than it should have. 

Ben cleared his throat. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to try and commune with the Leader a bit more. They seem to know a lot more about us than I think _we_ do.” 

“Sure thing, Tree,” she teased, “and if it’s alright with you, I’d like to carry on dancing like a fool. Because I can!” She laughed freely. 

Ben had never seen Rey so happy; he could practically drown on the amount of joy spilling from her through the bond. It was hard not to reciprocate it.

He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Have a wonderful time, my love,” he spoke, before he turned around to walk in the direction of the Leader.

As Ben made his way over to the Leader of the tribe, they turned and beckoned him to follow them into a hut that was slightly larger than the rest. With one final glance behind him at the beautiful whirlwind that was his Dyad in the Force, he progressed into the archway, ducking excessively to fit his large frame inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um, I'm definitely moving away from canon on some elements like Ben's old sabre and stuff like that. I'm just enjoying making my own stuff up okay? sue me.
> 
> Expect another chapter tomorrow. Thank you for reading.
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	16. So many unanswered questions.

Candle light flickered against the stone walls of the Leader of the Caretaker’s hut; the graceful movement of the flame almost reminded Ben of Rey’s dancing and seemed to move in tandem to the beat of the drums spilling from outside. The spicy scent of incense pricked at his nostrils and the subsequent smoke made his vision fog over. The Force was weak inside this room, though still there, nagging at him in repetition to how it did in The World Between Worlds.

The room was filled with blankets and woven grey cushions placed around the floor, the only solid piece of furniture a small bed pushed against the back wall. There were numerous stacks of ancient looking books peppered around the sides, old tapestries tied to the walls, along with collections of spices, herbs and medicines placed on shelves and hanging from the ceiling. 

Ben closed the wooden door behind him, hunching over his shoulders so as to not hit his head or send anything precious flying across the room. The leader stood in the middle of the room and gestured for Ben to sit on one of the cushions in front of them. He did so, albeit very difficultly as he clambered his lanky legs into a crossed legged position. 

Ben watched as the leader began retrieving numerous items from around the room. They picked up a bundle of sage that was tied with the same grey string as the scroll and lit the end with a candle; after stubbing out most of the flame, they began wafting the smoke around the room, taking great care to move the smoke over the space Ben filled. The leader placed the sage in a metal holding fixed to the wall, and then turned around to mix a few medicines into a wicker cup. They fetched three vials from a shelf, pouring them all into the cup and stirring with a wooden spoon. The mixture began to turn a metallic lilac and smelt like the liquorice Ben used to demolish in his childhood; the leader then offered the cup to Ben, gesturing with their hands that he should drink it.

Ben subtly sniffed the liquid and was satisfied when he couldn’t smell anything too chemical, like a poison of some kind. He figured the caretakers wouldn’t have gone to such trouble to treat them with kindness and offer gifts if they planned to just kill them both, so he threw all caution to the wind and took a sip. The liquid warmed his throat pleasantly as he swallowed and tasted once again like the liquorice he used to buy —or rather the servants used to buy for him— on Chandrilla. He greedily wolfed it down, feeling a lot more like Rey in that moment with her table manners that left much to be desired. 

As the liquid settled in his stomach, Ben felt all his aches and pains that he’d accumulated over the last few days disappear, as well as the energy he had lost from his vigorous meditation session earlier return with a ferocity. In that moment, Ben felt just as healed and energised as when Rey Force healed him. Whatever was in that liquid, Ben needed about fifty more cups for home. 

“Thank you,” Ben spoke, “what is this?” 

The leader ignored Ben’s question and instead removed the cup from his hands and placed their own in them. They scrutinised him, their eyes fluttering erratically over Ben’s features. They spoke an unintelligible word, soft in its tone, and removed their hands to fetch something else at the back of the room. 

On their return, the leader placed a large grey ancient looking book in his hands. The leather was time worn, as well as the yellowed pages, and the musky scent of old parchment filled Ben’s nose; it had become a favourite smell of his, often bringing back memories of the thousands of books he’d pour over in his youth, acting as a constant friend in his lonely years. 

The black text on the front of the book was repeated twice; once in Tionese and once in Sith. The words read (if his translation skills were up to scratch): 

_‘The Text of the Grey.’_

Ben’s heart began to speed up, his eyes widened and not for the first time today did he find himself utterly dumbfounded. 

This text and code were believed to be nothing more than an old wives’ tale. A false story that often Force users who struggled to come to terms with the unyielding stringent and chaste Jedi code, would tell themselves to feel better; at least that’s what Ben had thought previously. However, against all odds, he was wrong, and Ben Solo was currently holding the mythical texts of The Grey Jedi. 

Ben felt himself grow light headed and his hands begin to shake, despite the miracle serum he had been fed prior. 

“I… but…” he was at a complete loss for words, his thoughts spinning so hard he felt Rey push slightly into his mind to see if he was alright. “What the fuck?!” He shouted, feeling as though everything, he’d ever been taught up until this point was a lie.

The leader must have understood his cursing and laughed briefly, they then pointed to him and then pointed to the book. 

“Forgive me, but I don’t understand.” 

They repeated the action, though this time with slightly more frustration.

“Ohhh. You want me to read it now?” 

The leader shook their head and instead opted for a different approach to get their point across. They moved to point to a tapestry that had the depiction of the Prime Jedi stitched into its cloth; the leader pointed to the dark side of the symbol, then to the small white circle symbolising the light in the dark and then pointed to Ben. He understood.

“Ah. I see. That side is me isn't it?”

The leader nodded, they then pulled Ben to the window and pointed at Rey who was currently dancing with a group of children. The leader then pulled him to the tapestry and pointed to the light side of The Prime Jedi, then to the dark in the light. 

“And that side is Rey?” 

The leader nodded once more. Then they spoke two words that Ben understood completely, they must not have had a translation into their language —whatever it was. “Dyad. Grey.” Their voice was hoarse, reminding Ben of someone who’d smoked about fifty packs of Death Sticks a day. 

“Let me get this straight,” Ben continued, pacing across the room despite his uncomfortable hunch position, “The Prime Jedi, the depiction of the perfect representation of the Jedi order, isn’t describing the Light side of the Force, but both?” 

The leader nodded.

“And you’re saying that me and Rey are the depictions of that?” 

The leader nodded again.

“We’re The Prime Jedi?!” 

The leader laughed and nodded again, more enthusiastically this time. 

Rey had been right the other day when he’d first shown her the symbol —it was far from conventional, it was _them_. Ben felt that Rey was more intelligent than he could ever even wish to be; she saw things in a way that completely escaped him. Her outlook on everything was extremely refreshing and intriguing. Though he supposed he’d always been close minded and linear, it made sense that his Dyad would be the opposite.

The leader moved to place the Grey Text back into Ben’s hands, then to fetch the piece of fabric that had been tied around Rey’s and his wrists previously. They gifted the fabric to Ben, smiling slightly. 

“Dyad.” They spoke again. 

“Dyad.” Ben repeated, taking the cloth. “Thank you.” His mind swam with thousands of questions. “Is this why we both feel so drawn to this island? Why our connection through the Force started when she was here? Why Rey was able to bring me back from The World Between Worlds, through the door in the cave?”

The leader nodded, tapping the book in his hands. 

“But I thought The Prime Jedi was the first known person to found the Jedi religion?”

The leader shook their head and held up two fingers. “Dyad.” They spoke with a much firmer tone.

“It wasn’t one person! It was two! A Dyad! Like me and Rey.” Ben felt everything begin to click in place; this was their true prophecy. 

The leader smiled, clearly pleased that he was finally understanding. Gesturing to the fabric binding, the leader spoke one more phrase Ben could understand. “Force Bound,” then gestured to The Prime Jedi once more.

“Is that what that was?” Ben’s eyes widened in realisation at the entire situation he and Rey were roped into without their full understanding. “You bound us together in the Force, even more than we already were.” 

The leader nodded.

“Oh shit,” he ran a hand through his hair, “Well I was actually planning to propose before that happened, but now I guess I’ll have to have an awkward conversation with my… _wife_.” Ben grimaced. Embarrassment and anxiety began to flare up in his chest at the thought of telling Rey they’d indirectly been married through the force by some random people, without them even realising it. It made complete sense, how he hadn’t realised what was happening at the time he didn’t know, but now that he thought about it, his connection with Rey felt far deeper than it had prior.

He shook his head. “What about my Kyber? How did you have that?”

The leader stared at him for a few moments, seeming as though they were calculating how to tell him with a language barrier in the way. They settled for fetching a small bit of parchment and rolling it up, they pointed at it then once again led him to Rey and pointed at her.

“The scroll? The one you gifted Rey? That will tell me?”

The leader nodded. 

“How do you know all of this anyway? Who are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

The leader dismissed him with a wave of their hands, tapped the book in his arms once more and ushered him outside. Clearly, he’d overstayed his welcome. 

Before Ben could turn around to thank the leader that had offered him many answers to his many questions, he was met with a wooden door slamming in his face. Ben clutched the text and the fabric cloth with white knuckles, feeling the excitement and anxiety build in anticipation of telling Rey all he had discovered. 

He slowly dragged his feet over to Rey, who was currently sat on a bench by the fire chatting away at several crossed legged children watching her with rapt attention. He felt her register his presence drawing nearer and she turned to offer him a soft smile that gave him a shiver down his spine. 

Sitting down beside her, he moved the book and cloth under his left arm and his right wrapped around her waist; she melted into his embrace, earning her a much-deserved kiss on the head. 

Ben listened and watched as she continued to tell her story to the children of the tribe, all gasping and giggling when the tale demanded they did so. She was so wonderful with them, looking more relaxed and at home than he’d ever seen her. He couldn’t help entertaining the notion of how she’d be an incredible mother to their own children, —if that’s what Rey wanted and they ended up having any. Ben prayed to the Force with all he had that it would become a reality. 

An older villager came to usher the children away, noting that Ben and Rey needed some time to themselves. It earned numerous whines in return. 

“It’s ok! Don’t worry! I’ll finish the story another time, I promise.” Rey supplied, smiling gently at the children. They seemed satisfied with her reply and walked off happily, singing nursery rhymes in their language.

Ben chuckled, squeezing her hip gently. “Have fun?”

“Absolutely,” she beamed, pecking him softly on the lips. “You? What you got there, handsome?” 

“Well, I learned a lot of things that’ll knock your socks off —good news though. You sure you’re ready?” He teased. 

“Hmm, I suppose I’ll have to be,” she laughed, bumping his shoulder with her side.

Ben pulled out The Grey Jedi text from under his arm and placed it on her lap, waiting for her reaction. When she stared at it blankly for more than a few moments, Ben knew he’d overestimated her understanding of what it was. She blinked up at him, smiling politely.

“Sorry, I just sorta automatically assumed you knew what it was. It’s the ancient ‘ _Text of The Grey’._ Up until this moment I thought it was a myth! But, lo and behold, here it is in the flesh.” 

“‘ _The Text of The Grey?’_ Sounds mysterious.” 

“Oh,” he chuckled, “it is. It’s the code and history behind The Grey Jedi. Rey, it teaches and discusses what we’re trying to do— the Force truly in balance. The light and the dark mixed as one: The Grey.” 

Rey’s eyes widened, a spark of fascination and intrigue danced across her eyes and through the bond. “So, we don’t have to start from scratch?!” 

He nodded his head, smiling.

“Well, that’s always good.” She began to trace her delicate fingers down its spine and across the cover. “Does that mean we aren’t alone? There were other Force users like us? All unconventional like?” 

“Yep,” he pops the ‘ _p’_. 

“Wow,” she giggles, “that _is_ good news.” 

“There’s a lot more, Rey,” Ben pulls his fingers through his hair, “It’s gonna be a lot to take in, stop me if I get too much ok?” 

She nodded and Ben began to tell her all he had learned about The Prime Jedi, how she’d been right about it all along, the reason they were so drawn to this island, their Dyad etc. The only thing he left out was the fact that they were _technically_ married in the eyes of the Force, wanting to discuss that with her and what it meant for them in private—

“Well, I’m glad you had a chance to be a nerd,” she reaches to clasp her hands in his, only noticing she can’t as he’s holding something else, “Oh, you have that fabric from before! May I have a look at it?” 

Ben swallowed thickly, feeling his palms begin to sweat. “Um, sure,” he replied weakly, passing over the garment to her.

“It’s so beautiful and soft. Did the leader gift this also?”

Ben nods, unable to speak much else about the matter.

“Do you think- would it be alright if I were to keep it, Ben? I’ve never owned anything so pretty before.” 

Ben watched as she pulled the silky fabric through her fingers, only now noticing how their Force energies were tied within it. 

“Of course, you can keep it, sweetheart. You can have anything you want.” 

She beamed at him and pulled him into a slow kiss. “Thank you,” she breathed against his lips, “I’m going to tie it around my Lightsaber!” 

He chuckled in reply, only _slightly_ dreading telling her what that fabric truly meant to them to both.

They’d spent the rest of the day enjoying the festivities that were held in their honour; Ben rather a bit too happy to be treated like the royalty he’d become accustomed to and had missed far more than he should have. Rey had thoroughly enjoyed herself, especially when they were presented with a large banquet of food —she hadn’t stopped sobbing for at least ten minutes, continuously repeating that _“all this food couldn’t possibly be just for us!”_ and warning Ben that she may get fat, as she’d never had this much food at her disposal before. Ben found that he didn’t mind and secretly hoped she did put on a fair bit of weight; he hated that he could see the outline of her rib-cage when she was naked and the way her cheeks hollowed in slightly. 

They danced, drank, ate and laughed. All things Ben thought Rey should have been doing her entire life; he had decided to make it his life’s work to cook her all the delicious meals, show her the best places to dance and the prettiest views in the galaxy —she deserved that much at least. 

As they made their way back to the _Falcon_ —or rather _stumbled_ their way back; they were slightly tipsy— Ben began to feel a whisper of a Force energy that made the ache and guilt in his chest (that he’d _actually_ managed to not feel all day, up until now) flare up with a vengeance. 

He shook his head, decidedly coming to the rationalisation that it was just his drunken state apparently stoking the fire that was his guilt. He made it another two more steps before he felt it again —only this time, so did Rey. 

Ben felt her freeze in place beside him, dropping his hand from hers. She immediately looked to him; Ben could tell she was desperately trying to act as normally as she could when she plastered a fake smile on her face —Ben knew Rey’s smiles; he’d ensured to commit them all to memory. Though after she’d registered that he’d also felt it, she instantly flung herself into his arms in preparation for his inevitable breakdown. 

He grips onto Rey’s poncho with white knuckles as they feel his mother’s Force ghost materialise behind them.

All feeling in his limbs disintegrated and Ben was left as a puddle of a man; he’d have sunk to the floor if Rey wasn’t holding him up. Bile in his throat rose, he hadn’t realised he was already crying until he felt a wet patch against the crook in Rey’s shoulder, he’d buried himself in. The overpowering sound of his heartbeat palpated in his ears so hard he could have sworn they began to bleed, he was shaking, he was in pain.

Leia nodded to Rey from behind Ben’s back signalling to her it was ok to release him. She placed a not-quite-there hand on his shoulder, pushing all the reassurance and love she had through to him. As soon as Rey unwound herself from his crushing embrace, Ben dropped to his knees, bracing his hands on the grass. He felt his mother kneel down beside him and pull his head into her chest, stroking his hair softly like she had when he was a child, particularly after he’d had a particularly horrific nightmare or tantrum. 

She let him sob into her chest for how long he wasn’t sure; he found he couldn’t stop no matter how hard he tried. In that moment he felt years of repressed pain, hurt, guilt, heartache, despair, _grief_ flood out of him like a dam bursting. He tried to calm it, tried to reign it in just in case he was overwhelming Rey —she had to have felt it, he had to have been pushing every memory, every bit of emotion to her. He had to stop, but he couldn’t. 

“Oh, my darling boy,” Leia sobbed, cradling his head protectively, “my poor, poor boy. It’s alright, I’m here. I’m here for you now.” 

Leia placed her palms over his cheeks and pulled him to look at her, he fought against her, tightening his grip on her back so that she wouldn’t be able to see him _—to look at the face of her failure son._ Eventually he gave up, all energy and strength dissipating. 

She cradled his face in her gentle palms and Ben searched her tearful, transparent eyes, communing in a way his words would not allow him to. 

“My son,” she says as she brushes his hair from his eyes, “look how handsome you are!” Her lip quivers and he sees her cry for the first time ever in his life; she’d never shown emotion like this to him before. 

“Ma… Ma I-” Ben can’t form words as a fresh wave of tears fall down his cheeks. “I’m _sorry_ ,” he cries, “I’m sorry…” he repeats it over and over until his voice is hoarse. 

“Shh,” she soothes, “it’s alright, my beautiful boy. I forgive you, my darling. But-” his mother hiccups as she chokes back a sob, “can you _forgive_ _me?”_

Ben furrows his brow as his lip quivers, confusion flooding over him. “You?” He manages to choke out. 

“Yes,” she breathes, “I let you down, Ben. I let you down more than any mother should. I wasn’t there for you! You were hurting and I wasn’t there!” 

Ben swallows thickly and shakes his head. “You didn’t know how to handle me. _I didn’t_ either,” he lets out a shaky exhale, “so, how could _you_?” 

“It’s no excuse to send you off. I should’ve been there; I should’ve at least _tried_ to help you!” Leia pushes forward to press a soft kiss to his forehead, Ben feels himself tremble in her arms. “I just thought Luke would know how to help better, I had no clue. I was so scared of the darkness taking over you that instead of helping you through it, I pushed you away and right into it!” 

“Ma, please… how could you ask for _my forgiveness?_ After-” he swallows down bile, “after all I’ve done?! After all I took from you?!”

“It was that bastard Snoke’s fault. He’s the one to blame, not you my darling.” 

“But- but _Dad_?!”

Leia shakes her head. “That wasn’t you. That man Snoke made you become was never you. He manipulated you, _tormented_ you even before you were born! Turned you into something you weren’t. I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt, all the horrific things he put you though. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, my boy. My son, I love you more than you could ever know. You are so strong.” 

Ben couldn’t believe his ears. His mother not only had forgiven him for his terrible acts, she still _loved_ him. It felt impossible to be worthy of this amount of love; he could feel it flow from her as she pushed it to him through the Force. Ben half expected this to be a dream.

“I don’t deserve this…” he breathed.

Leia tuts. “You deserve more than you know.” 

Ben searches his mother’s eyes for any hint of a lie. He finds none. 

“I don’t know what to say, Ma. Please tell me you know how sorry I am for everything.” 

“Benjamin, you’re repeating yourself now and we could go round and round in circles.” Leia wipes the tears from his cheeks. “I _know_ , and I love you and I forgive you. Whatever you need for me to say to get you to forgive _yourself,_ I will. What do you need from me, my prince? Let me be there for you.” 

“I- I miss you,” is all Ben can say. “Stay Ma, please don’t go. I wish you were here, _really here_.”

“I am. I’ll always be with you.” 

Ben shakes his head and falls back into her arms, only now realising how frail and small his mother is, even through the Force ghost she projects. He hates himself for missing all those years with her; he hates himself for not being there when she died.

“Your father sends all his love. He forgives you too.”

—That sends him over the edge and brings out another uncontrollable sob. 

“Oh Rey, what in the Force are you doing all the way over there?!” Leia shouts over Ben’s broad frame.

“I- I just didn’t want to intrude,” she replies weakly. 

She tuts again and Ben doesn’t have to see his mother to know what kind of scowl she’s giving Rey. “If you don’t get over here, I’ll haunt you like a real ghost.” 

Ben feels Rey’s pleasant little nervous giggle more than he hears it, soothing him that bit more. He then feels her presence drawing nearer as she walks over to them. 

Rey kneels down and awkwardly hovers for a moment, before Leia pulls her into the embrace. Rey squeaks in surprise. 

They stay in the embrace for a while, Ben feeling Rey’s overwhelming emotions begin to bubble up too. He knows she’s crying as well as him, he can feel it. Both of their walls are down, too weak to put them up —he can hear how she thanks his mother in her head, how immensely grateful she is to experience this small loving act of hugging the only mother figure she’s ever known. 

“Oh, look at us,” Leia breaks the silence, “we’re utter sops. What am I going to do with you pair?” She laughs. “We’re all crying on some grass in the middle of nowhere. How very undignified!”

Ben actually manages to let out a breathy laugh, suddenly feeling the immense weight on his shoulders start to evaporate. He has a long way to go, the path to redemption is still a marathon in front of him, but he can actually feel himself start the race now; he feels genuine hope for the first time in a long while. 

Leia pulls them both back, pressing a kiss to each of their cheeks. “How lucky am I that I have the both of you?” She offers them a watery smile. 

Rey sniffs back tears beside him and lets out a weak laugh, making Ben want to squeeze her into a hug. 

“May we continue this inside?” His mother asks him specifically, caressing his cheek with her thumb, clearly worried about his physical state. 

  
He nods and they enter the _Falcon_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This chapter was a bit of a heart wrencher, huh. Gotta admit I had a small tear up whilst writing.
> 
> I think them making up is something that absolutely needed to happen. Plus imo we needed more motherly compassion from Leia in the movies. NO way would she just shun her son and only child and then basically replace him with Rey. That is not Leia (again imo). 
> 
> Gonna take another short break for a while but it shan't be too long as I have the next few chapters outlined already. Hope you enjoyed these last three.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	17. It is ahead.

Rey had opted to stay out of most of the conversation between Ben and his mother, leaving them to their much-needed reunion in privacy. She had decided to take herself off to a different room, with the idea of re-examining the objects from the strange ceremony from earlier. 

She delicately removed the two grey flowers and the scroll from her poncho pocket, placing them carefully on the bed that her and Ben now shared. She then began to unwind the fabric binding from the tie she fastened around her wrist, and placed that down also. 

Rey scrutinised the objects for a while, hands placed firmly on her hips. Chewing her bottom lip, she lifts up the scroll and traces the parchment delicately with her fingers. 

The scroll was old, ancient, its parchment was yellowed and almost ashy to the touch. Oddly, the Force energy that protruded from the scroll reminded Rey slightly of Ben, though she recognised strands of herself too. The scroll emitted that familiar sense of foreboding that Rey had felt at the Lars Homestead.

Rey gently unwound the frayed string that bound it together and unrolled it.

The parchment was blank. Not a single inscription, piece of text or even a drawing was located on the paper. 

She furrowed her brow, extremely underwhelmed and rather a bit confused. Why would they have gifted this to her if it was completely blank? Surely there was some importance to it?

Suddenly Rey’s senses begin to dull, her focal point purely the scroll. Her surroundings begin to sizzle away, feeling as though she was floating in a dream state.

She hears two babies cry in the far distance, the sound presenting like mud in her ears; she wants to move, wants to run to them and soothe them, but she is frozen. She’s too paralysed to do anything, too weak to fight and once again she is transported back into her younger five-year-old self on Jakku. She’s screaming for her parents, begging them not to leave her alone, watching a ship take off in the distance. 

She tries to shout, though her voice is restricted, her throat burning and scorched from her screaming, from her  _ crying _ . 

Her surroundings change. 

Rey sits proudly on a throne of onyx marble, ice against her bare calves. She is adorned in a black leather dress, the skirt cut off above the knee; the smooth, expensive feeling fabric wrapping like a vice around her neck and down her arms. 

Ben kneels before her. His eyes are dark and wide with the sheer wonderment she’d only seen once before when the Legacy saber had come to her, when her powers began to flicker into existence —on  _ Star Killer Base.  _ His scar, or rather  _ her  _ scar, the one she had given him that very same day, presents almost as proudly on his face as she feels on the Sith Throne. He is dressed in his robes, the ones she met him in, plastered in black and dripping with luxury. 

This isn’t Ben Solo kneeling before her. This is Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the Galaxy.

She isn’t Rey. She is Kira Ren, Empress of the Galaxy.

Kylo Ren presses a kiss to her knuckles, and it sears her skin. It burns with their passion, their  _ anger.  _ Their power transcends across the throne room, the Force crackling fiercer than a storm. 

Her vision shifts again.

Rey finds herself on a planet unlike anything she has ever seen. Foliage growing and decaying just as quickly, the daybreak and the sunset in a perpetual cycle, bright light glowing from the horizon. 

Time doesn’t exist here.

An ethereal goddess-like figure presents herself. Her golden hair flowing in tandem with her pearl robes, reminding Rey of the soft rippling waters of the lake on Takodana. Her features are soft, bathed in sunlight; she feels kind. The woman pulses Light Force energy — no, she  _ is _ the light. A perfect contrast to the hate from the vision prior.

The Light floats above the ground, she speaks velvet in Rey’s mind: 

“ _ Balance will be restored. Let us help the one who longs for forgiveness, for redemption, for belonging. Find me and together we can aid his journey. Find the heart, the edge, and we will begin.”  _

—The vision ends so abruptly; it takes Rey a few moments to register whether she is still in the dream-like state or if she’s back in reality. 

She eventually comes to, feeling the warmth and comfort of Ben’s embrace engulfing her first; she wants to drown in it, let it capture her senses like the vision had. They’re both on the floor, objects are strewn about across the room; her throat burns, her cheeks are wet.

“ _ Rey?!”  _ She hears Ben shouting, demanding her attention. “Rey, what happened?!” 

She opens her mouth to reply, shutting it almost instantly; she can’t speak. 

Rey squeezes the scroll with white knuckles. There are words and symbols in an elegant inscription of a language she has never seen before, shimmering in gold. They appear in front of her the longer she looks at the parchment, almost scorching it as the words form.

Rey buries herself in Ben’s embrace, hiding in the crook of his neck. She softly cries as he soothes her, stroking her back in circles. 

“Sweetheart? Are you okay?!” Ben places a kiss to her hair, “talk to me, please. Rey, you’re scaring me.”

Rey finds the energy to lift her head to look at his face. He looks completely rattled; his skin ghostly white, his brows are furrowed, eyes earnestly searching her own. 

_ Rey?  _ He speaks through their bond.

“I’m alright, I’m okay.” She manages to croak out, whether to console Ben or herself she isn’t sure. “I- I had a vision… She told me to find her.” 

“ _ Who _ , Rey?” 

“ _ The Light. _ ” 

“I-,” Ben shakes his head, “Rey, breathe for a sec, yeah? Deep breaths, copy me. In,” he takes a deep inhale, “and out,” then an exhale. Rey mimics him and repeats the action for a while, feeling her heart rate begin to slow and her panic dissipate. “Good. There we are. Better?” He asks.

She only nods in return. 

“ _ Shit.  _ You really know how to scare the hell out of me, don’t you?” Ben unclasps one of her hands from its grip on the scroll and places a delicate kiss to her knuckles; one that is filled with love and care. The kiss is unlike the strange one he had given her in her vision. “Come on, let's get you off the floor.” 

Ben brings her over to sit on the bed, he begins to pick up all the objects that had been thrown across the room. 

Eventually, he moves to sit beside her. He watches her for a moment as she nibbles on her thumbnail, staring at the page in front of her. He offers her wordless comfort through their bond. Ben pulls her into him, surrounding her with his right arm. She rests her head on his shoulder.

“You were gone for so long, I figured you’d fallen asleep,” he almost whispers into her hair, “BB-8 kept pestering me, I just assumed he was trying to annoy me… then I heard you shouting and-” 

“What do you mean I was  _ ‘gone for so long’ _ ?” Rey pushes off Ben, panic plasters her features.

“Rey, you were gone for  _ hours. _ ”

“What?! I just walked in like a few minutes ago! I don’t understand! Where’s Leia?”

“She left a while back, sweetheart.” 

Rey furrows her brow, picking at her nails again. “What happened to the room?” 

“Um, well,  _ you  _ did,” Ben replied. Rey's eyes widened. “I ran in and you were frozen, your face was blank. Everything was floating, and then you… um,”

“What?”

“...you did the lightning thing. It was only small, but it knocked me back a bit and I- ”

“I  _ hit _ you?!”

“No! No, not me. But the wall, well look,” Ben gestured to the wall of the room. There was a small black and burnt circle, Rey felt the Force sputtering angrily from it. 

Rey subconsciously grabs Ben’s hand. Her fear begins to bubble up in her chest, wrapping around her lungs like wire. She can’t breathe again. 

“Rey,  _ cyar’ika _ ,” Ben breathes softly, “look at me. It’s okay. Everything’s fine, you didn’t hurt anyone.” 

“I could have hurt you!” She shouts, tears spilling over her cheeks, “why did I do that?!” 

“I’m not sure, but we’ll figure it out. What happened in the vision?” 

She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to centre herself. Rey’s throat is too hoarse for words, the memory of the vision too much to recall. 

_ It’s okay, cyar’ika. We don’t have to talk about it now,  _ Ben reassures her over the bond, clearly understanding how strange this all is for her.

Rey places the scroll in Ben’s hands. “I looked at this before my vision, it was blank. Now look.” 

She watches Ben’s brows furrow as he unravels the scroll, his eyes flicker over every inch of the parchment. His Adam’s Apple bobs as he swallows, he runs his hand through his raven hair.

“Rey… there’s nothing here.”

“What? No look! The lettering!” 

“I am looking, there’s no lettering, it’s blank.” Ben looks at her in a way she thought he never would; he looks at her like he doesn’t  _ understand her.  _

This cuts Rey deep; it creates an unbearable ache in her chest. She can take it from everyone else; the faces people make at her like she’s gone crazy, but not from Ben.  _ Never  _ from Ben. 

“Ben,” she says weakly, “I swear it. The lettering in gold, it’s in a language I can’t understand. You believe me?  _ Right _ ?” Rey searches his honey eyes in desperation. 

“I-” he glances back at the page, then at her again, “it’s not that I don’t believe you, I’m just confused. Why can’t  _ I _ see it?”

“I don’t know,” she sniffs, her voice weak. 

Ben clears his throat, rolling up the scroll and standing up to put it away in her bag. He returns and kneels in front of her, searching her eyes. “I think we should just put all this to bed —for now. You included. You look exhausted, cyar’ika, and we have a big day tomorrow.” 

“We do?” Rey questions, slightly distracted by the new nickname Ben has apparently taken to calling her. 

“We have to start the journey to Ajan Kloss,” he interrupts her thoughts.

Rey sighs. After all the excitement and strangeness of the day, she’d completely forgotten that their week was over. A new panic settled in the pit of her stomach, there was no way she was sleeping tonight.

* * *

“Maybe you should stay on the ship? Or maybe I can drop you off far from the base and the meet up point? Or even a different planet? Yeah that might be bett-”

“Rey, sweetheart, calm down it’s alright.” Ben leant over from the pilot’s chair to the co-pilots to squeeze Rey’s hand to comfort her, “Whatever happens, happens okay? If they shoot me, well we kinda have to thank them, it’s the least they could do,” Ben joked, trying to make light of the situation and mask his own nerves. 

Rey gave Ben the most savage death stare he had ever seen her give him, and they weren’t even enemies anymore. It scared the hell out of him and he was also ashamed that it turned him on a bit.

_ Alright,  _ he thought,  _ more than a bit. _

“Okay, okay,” he pulled his hands into a mock surrender, “no jokes. I’m sorry. But we’ll figure it out, I’m sure.” 

Rey huffed in reply, chewing on her thumbnail.

Ben turned off auto-pilot and began flying the  _ Millennium Falcon _ to Ajan Kloss himself. Her controls were like muscle memory to him, and he navigated her command centre in a fluid dance. He’d missed the  _ Falcon _ and her difficult ways _.  _ He recalled how his father used to let him pilot after a particularly heavy tantrum --or “ _ episode _ ” as his parents used to call them-- finding the task of taming her erratic flight patterns calming to his nerves. 

Ben actually felt a sense of belonging sitting in the pilot’s chair, with Rey by his side. He was also enjoying showing off in front of Rey; if there was one thing Ben Solo knew how to do --and he could do it more than well-- was fly his family ship. He found himself stealing small glances in Rey’s direction to see if she was watching him. 

Much to his disappointment, she wasn’t looking at him at all. In fact, it seemed as though she was deliberately looking everywhere but him.

From the minute they had left Ahch-To, Rey had been extremely agitated to say the least. Her usually bubbly, sunny self, was replaced by pure anxiety and dread. Not to mention her strange vision from the night prior.

\--It had distracted Ben from telling her about the binding, or maybe that was just an excuse. He really couldn’t muster the courage to tell her yet.

A few hours ago, Rey had contacted her friends again to arrange a meet up spot far away from the Resistance base to prevent any unwanted and uncertain attention to Ben’s arrival. She had missed out mentioning him again, asking them to trust her once more. They were reluctant but they eventually agreed. 

Their current ETA for Ajan Kloss was just under two hours and Ben was beginning to feel sick. How was he going to face all of these people that at one point he’d commanded orders to have killed? How would they react to him? Would they lock him up and let him rot for the rest of his life? 

_ To be fair,  _ Ben thought,  _ I deserve a lot worse. _

“Shh!” Rey demanded.

“I didn’t say anything?”

She pointed to her own head, giving him a frustrated look. “Your thoughts are buzzing all over the place, it’s annoying.” 

“Oh,” he replied, “sorry, cyar’ika. I’ll try to keep it down.” 

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. In that instance she reminded Ben a bit too much of his own moody self; he needed to cheer her up to take her mind off his impending doom. 

“You gonna help me fly? You love flying the  _ Falcon _ . And I need my best co-pilot,” he supplied, attempting to push as much positivity as he could through both his words and the bond.

She shrugged.

“Please?” Ben nudged his foot against hers on the floor. “I’ll let you do a loop-de-loop,” he coaxed.

She perked up at this, giving him a side glance through her lashes. 

“...Can I do two?” She asked, curiosity and interest getting the better of her sulking.

He chuckled; his girl was a little daredevil.

“Sure.”

A small smirk tugged at her lips and she sat forward to help him command the ship. Ben let go of the controls completely, allowing her to take full custody of the ship’s navigation. 

“Hold on, Bee Bee!” She shouted, followed by a number of sassy sounding chimes that came from the main room.

Rey pulled the nose of the ship upwards, coaxing the old Corellian YT-1300f light freighter to do a full 360 over itself. Her pretty giggles and gleeful screams filled the air between them; Ben already felt some of her anxiety dissipating.

_ That’s better,  _ Ben thought.

“Weeeee!” She shouted, as the ship came down from its first loop. 

He laughed, holding onto the edge of his seat with white knuckles.

“Okay, one more time!” She exclaimed. 

Rey pulled the ship into one more 360, beaming so bright Ben had to fight the urge to kiss her senseless. She looked so beautiful and natural smiling how she was, flying his family ship. He fell in love with her that much more, even though he thought it wasn’t possible to.

Once the ship resumed its normal course, their laughter had died down and BB-8 had stopped screaming frightened beeps, Rey gave the main controls back to Ben. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Rey burst into tears. It was so sudden it almost gave Ben whiplash from the emotional jump from pure excitement to distress through the bond. 

“Rey! What’s wrong?! Why are you crying?” He flicked the auto-pilot back on to give her his full attention.

“I don’t want this to end! Being with you, I actually feel like myself, like I’m where I’m supposed to be!” She sniffled. “What if they hurt you? Or lock you up?! Or they won’t let me see you?! I won’t let them do it, Ben! They won’t touch you; I swear!”

Ben pulled Rey onto his lap in the pilot’s seat. He whispered calming words into her hair, rubbing soothing circles onto her back. His heart broke into a million pieces as he felt her pain sift through the bond. How he got this magnificent woman to care and love him this much, he’d never understand. He thanked his lucky stars the Force gave her to him. 

He pulled her head back so she was looking at him. His palms were on her cheeks, catching any stray tears and swiping them away with his thumbs. 

“Sweetheart, it’s going to be okay. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, but I can promise that we’ll figure it out no matter what does. Nothing could stop me from being with you. Not even being on opposite sides of the war. Hell, we literally cheated death so that we could be together!” He laughed. “I’ve been kept from you for far, far too long,” he kissed her softly, “you’re stuck with me now,” he joked against her lips.

Rey wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve, her eyes were puffy and red from her tears. Ben wondered how she still looked so bewitching... even with a runny nose.

“Good,” she replied, “I wanna be stuck with you forever.”

She moved to hug him, nuzzling her face into his neck. 

“...even if you are a big nerd and all you talk about is boring history,” she continued, her voice tickling the skin of his neck.

Ben chuckled. “Bully,” he teased.

She giggled then, and it made him shiver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um hi guys, so sorry for the late update. I lost my confidence again hahaa
> 
> hope this chapter is okay, expect another one tomorrow evening around this same time. 
> 
> as always, feedback is welcome. 
> 
> tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	18. Return of The Last Jedi.

The _Millennium Falcon_ broke through the hot, sticky jungle atmosphere of the planet Ajan Kloss. 

Rey had not missed heat. She could practically feel the humidity permeating through the durasteel; they would definitely have to put the air conditioning on soon. 

The entire planet brimmed with green hues of foliage that went on as far as the eye could see. There were so many different shades of green. Rey remembered a time when she had longed to see all the greenery the galaxy had to offer; if her past self could see her now. 

Although, she found she couldn’t bask in the beauty of the jungle scenery as much as she wanted to. 

Rey had never been this nervous in her entire life. She wasn’t even this worried during the war; she could deal with confrontation before she had anything to lose. This time she had Ben, and she’d stop at nothing if anything changed that, even if that meant her friends turning against her.

Her heart ached at the thought of having to choose between the people she loved and cared about more than anything in the entire universe. It wouldn’t come to that, would it?

_No,_ Rey thought, _they’re my friends, they’ll come around._

A beeping sound emitting from the comms command interrupted Rey’s reverie; someone was trying to contact her. Rey recognised the code that came through as Finn’s and only voice transmission, no visual. 

Ben and Rey looked at each other with silent anticipation. Then, she slowly lifted a shaky hand to press the button on the keypad allowing Finn comms access.

“Hey, hey, Rey, Rey!” Finn’s voice broke the silence, echoing from the small radio on the _Falcon’s_ command centre, “How was your lil’ vacay?” 

Rey heard Ben suppress a laugh next to her; she elbowed him in the rib.

“Interesting,” Rey replied, already smiling at Finn’s chipper attitude. She really had missed him. 

“That's it? That's all I’m gonna get from you?” Finn returned.

“Um,” 

“Ha! Just pulling your leg! You can tell us when you land. I only buzzed through to say the area you wanted to meet at is clear for landing. See you in a sec!” Then he clicked off. 

“He seems...fun,” Ben supplied.

Rey ignored him and instead took full command of the controls and began landing the _Falcon_ onto the small forest clearing, far from the base. 

She managed to land far better than she normally did and even avoided Ben’s usual backseat driver comments. She felt pride seep through the bond from him.

They looked at each other again, both their faces plastered with nervousness. 

“Time to face reality, Benjamin.” She spoke as she stood up, only a slight hitch pinched at her voice. “Don’t move until I say it’s safe to come out. Okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he teased. She could tell he was nervous; he was trying to make her laugh. 

She gave him a quick, chaste kiss on his plush lips. “For luck,” she said.

He grinned in return. 

BB-8 was waiting patiently by the ramp door for her to open it. The droid’s repetitive rolling motion, back and forth over the grated floor, indicated that he was bursting with excitement at their reunion.

“Hey, Bee Bee. Before we go out, I just wanted to say thank you for coming with me. You’re a star.” She kneeled down to place a soft kiss on his dome metal head.

He chimed a “thank you” and an “anytime” right back.

Rey stood and pressed the button to open the ramp. It sizzled and hissed as it lowered, steam rolled from the entrance. BB-8 shot out as soon as it hit the floor; he let out a series of musical beeps in greeting. Rey followed down the ramp at a much slower pace.

“REY!” Exclaimed a very happy, very excited Finn. 

She was suddenly pulled into a crushing embrace by all three of her closest friends. 

Maybe she was glad to be back after all.

* * *

The Last Jedi, a pilot, a renounced Storm Trooper and an engineer hugged each other like every time was the last. Perhaps, old habits die hard; the group were so used to the uncertainty of seeing one another again, they learned to embrace every moment together without refrain.

After what seemed like years of hugging, they dislodged. Each one of the Resistance fighters’ mouths were split with smiles.

Rose Tico began twirling the ends of Rey’s humidity curled hair, “Rey! You put your hair down! Ugh, it’s so pretty like this, I was thinking of growing mine out? What do you think? Do you feel better now after your break?” 

Before Rey could reply, she was bombarded with questions from both Finn and Poe.

“Rey, the base has been going mad while you weren’t here! Making a new government is hard as shit! You got any ideas?” Poe asked, not giving her a chance to breathe.

“What was so important about Tatooine, Peanut?” Finn asked at the same time.

Rey took a moment to blink and register the copious amounts of information and questions pouring at her from her friends. 

“Um,” she managed to get out.

They all looked at her in anticipation, eyes wide with expectation for her to answer their questions like she held the answers to the universe.

Rey took a deep breath, centering herself and grounding her nerves. 

“Okay, Rose, grow your hair out, it would look stunning and yes, I’m feeling a lot better thanks.” Rey turned to Poe and Finn, “Poe, I haven’t got a bloody clue about politics. Why did you even ask me? And Finn, a lot of things were important about Tatooine.” She let out a breath. “I know you all want answers, and I’m going to give them to you. But before I do, I need you all to keep an open mind for me. Could you do that please?”

The trio in front of her all exchanged confused looks. Then, looking back to her, Poe shrugged, Finn smiled and Rose took her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze. 

“Where do I even begin?”

“Maybe, you could start with why you were so depressed after Exegol?” Poe said, causing Finn to jab him in the rib with his elbow. “What?! I wanna know!” Rose gave him a death stare. 

“Okay, fair enough.” Rey replied. “The reason for that was- well it was because-” 

Rey searched her mind for how she could phrase that she’d been in love with their mortal enemy, and that he had sacrificed himself to save her life, in a way that wouldn’t make her sound utterly insane to them. 

“Ben Solo.” Rey blurted out suddenly. She felt Ben jerk his attention to her in her mind, she brushed him off. 

“What?” Finn returned, if he had been courteous in his confusion before, he wasn’t now. All three of them looked at her like she was insane.

“I- um. That was the reason —or rather _he_ was the reason. I think maybe you should come inside and sit down,” Poe opened his mouth to protest her suggestion, she immediately waved him off and added, “trust me! You’ll want to.”

She takes two steps towards the _Falcon_ before she stops. “And please leave your weapons outside.” 

_Ben, stay in the cockpit until I say so_ , Rey spoke to Ben through their bond. _We’re coming inside._

_Alright. Are you okay?_

_Yes. Please don’t worry. I’m going to sort this._

_I know you will, cyar’ika. I have no doubt._

Rey led the trio into the main common room and gestured for them to sit around the Dejarik table. Poe cocked his brow, searching the _Falcon_ ’s walls with bafflement. 

“Holy shit this is clean. You can do my X-Wing next!” 

Rey let a small giggle escape her lips. “Not for free I won’t,” she teased, waggling her finger at him. 

“So, what’s going on, hun? You alright?” Asked Rose, her voice was so sweet and gentle that Rey had to swallow the lump that suddenly formed in her throat—she still wasn’t used to this amount of care from others. 

“I-well. Yes actually. I am now. My trip turned out to be a lot better than I was expecting. I _found_ a lot of things that I’d been searching for— “

“Peanut, if this is going to be another vague ‘woke’ Jedi explanation, I’m not sure I’ll stay awake. No offence.” 

“No Finn, it isn’t. You’re right. I should just come right out and say it,” Rey takes a deep breath, “I- Well I _found_ Ben.” 

“Ben?” Poe asks.

“Ben Solo,” Rey speaks patiently.

Poe’s eyes widen, Rey senses their emotions turn static. “That fucker’s alive?! I thought he died on Exegol?!”

Rey winces, both at the horrific way in which he refers to Ben and the mention of Exegol. She centres herself, knowing she’s going to have to be patient to get through to them. They have every right to be scared.

“Ben is alive. Kylo Ren is not. He’s been dead a long while, I told you the light in him was there.” 

“Fuck, Rey! You’ve seen him?! How are you here right now and not captured or worse, _dead_?!” Shouts Finn, his anger and concern bubbling over to her through the Force rather overwhelmingly. 

“Finn, Ben is not Kylo Ren. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. I know you’ve sensed the light in him. I know about your susceptibility in the Force, it’s incredibly strong. I can see right now you’re finding truth in my words.” 

“You know about that? How?”

“Finn, I think there are more pressing matters right now,” says Rose.

“Too fucking right. We gotta get that bastard. Rey, you know where he is?!” Interrupts Poe.

“ _No_ _one_ is getting _anyone_!!” Rey shouts suddenly. Her voice is sharp with a bite that she didn’t intend to be so strong; she feels the Force crackle angrily around her as she slightly gives into her frustration and upset. Ben urgently pushes into her mind, attempting to soothe her and find out if she’s okay. She brushes him off again.

The room falls uncomfortably silent. Rey senses their fear —though this time, it’s over her. 

She lets out a shaky sigh, mentally pushing away her own fear and the darkness that she feels brooding in the background of her mind. 

“There are a lot of things I haven’t told you about him and I. We’re connected. In some weird Force way — I don’t even fully understand it myself— but he’s not who you think he is.”

“So, he’s not some crazed psychopath that murdered his own fucking father in cold blood?! That’s responsible for countless losses and tyranny?!” Poe bites back at her.

“No! It- It wasn’t him! I-” Rey lets burning tears stain her cheeks, “that wasn’t Ben’s fault!” She says with a tremble of her lip; her heart aching so severely she’s sure it’ll stop beating soon. “He saved my life; he saved the _Galaxy_ . It was all Ben on Exegol; he came to me, we fought alongside each other, helped me take down Palpatine! I- I _died_! And he gave me his life in return!” 

Rey desperately searches Finn’s eyes for reasons she’s not quite sure. She knows he feels it, she knows he’s seen it —she senses it in him.

Rose rushes over to hug Rey from the side, pulling her into a small embrace. “It’s okay, Rey please don’t get upset.” Rose rubs her back in a soothing motion —she’s eternally grateful for it.

“She’s right,” Finn speaks so quietly they almost miss it. 

“ _What?!”_ Poe returns.

“She’s telling the truth. I don’t know how I know but I do. I’ve also seen it for myself… there was _always_ light in him,” Finn continues. “And I felt your Force signature go quiet. I knew you had died, I felt it… and then I felt you come back.” 

“You aren’t seriously buying this shit?! Rey has he got you under some Force mind trick? Because I’ve seen what you can do —and _him_.”

“Poe don’t be so goddamn stupid,” spits Rose suddenly, “I _know_ Rey. What matters is she needs us right now. Don’t you think she deserves it after all she’s done?!”

“I- but- how the fuck am I the only one who isn’t going along with this batshit story?!” 

Rey unravels herself from her friends embrace, finding a new courage that she didn’t know she had. 

“Poe,” Rey speaks softly, “you said it yourself: Force mind control. Ben had been mentally and physically abused by the darkness, by Snoke or Palpatine or whatever, his _entire life._ He was controlled through the Force by him, even from before he was born. Leia felt the darkness come for him while she was pregnant! If I can control someone for a few minutes, _imagine_ what thirty full years of manipulation can do to a being!” She curls her fists; her jagged bitten nails cut into the skin of her palm, the sting giving her some form of clarity and control. “Ben saved me. He saved _all_ of us. When the universe needed him, despite all that he’d seen and been through, he was there. He sacrificed his own life for the cause.” 

The room fell silent again, though this time it wasn’t out of fear. She felt Poe’s slight leniency in his opinion, his slight waver in his original thoughts. 

After a few moments of reflection, Poe broke the quiet. “But I thought you said he was alive?” 

“He is. _Now_ . I brought him back from a plain of existence between life and death. Because of our connection, as long as one of us is still alive, the other can’t die. We’re… _bound_ to one another.” 

Poe furrowed his brow and Rose’s confusion —though no malice behind her feelings— began to bubble up also. Finn was eerily quiet, seeming as though he was reflecting on all she had said. She also felt Finn register Ben’s presence in the Force, he now knew he was on the ship with them.

“Rey,” Rose gently spoke, reaching out to softly touch Rey’s shoulder, “I’ll be honest. While I won’t ever be able to forgive everything that’s happened, I do believe in second chances. I can see how much this- _he_ means to you. And if what you’ve said is true, I’ll help you in any way I can. We owe you that much at least.” 

“Yeah, Rey,” Finn says, “I agree. I’ll help you, whatever you need.” 

Poe stands up and huffs. He begins pacing around the common room, running his hand over his face. “I can’t believe you’re both fine with this shit! He’s a war criminal! He’s killed _so many_ people- “

“We _all_ have!” Rey shouts again. “We’re all war criminals! How many deaths are _we_ responsible for?! Think about it Poe, how many people have you killed with the idea of bettering the galaxy?!” 

“I- that’s different.”

“Is it?!” Rey questions him, her voice trembling with raw emotion.

Poe looks away from her, his brow furrows and his breathing becoming ragged. After a moment he closes his eyes and shakes his head, taking a deep breath. “What exactly are you asking from us, Rey? To forgive him?! Because that’s never gonna fucking happen. He did unspeakable things.” 

“I’m not asking anything of you. Just to accept that he exists and that I- that he’s a part of my life now. He’s important — to the universe, the Force and… to _me._ ”

Poe rolls his eyes and clenches his fists. “I don’t believe this. Force Rey, are you in _love_ with him?!” 

“He’s not a bad person! Finn, please tell him. I know you know!” 

Finn stands up and walks over to Poe, he places a soft hand on his shoulder. Rey feels a warmth between them that she hadn’t noticed before. She feels a spark of adoration directed at him from Finn, that she’s become wonderfully familiar with between Ben and herself. 

“ _Poe_ ,” Finn softly whispers in a tone that Rey knows is only for Poe, “it’s okay. We know Rey and we can _trust_ her. Even without me somehow knowing the truth, I’d believe her. And I know you would too. This is difficult to understand —I get that, I really do. But she needs us right now. We need to be there for her.” 

Poe places a hand over Finn’s and gives it a light squeeze. 

Poe turns to Rey. “How do we know it’s not a trick?” He asks in a weak voice. 

“I promise it isn’t. But if you don’t believe me, maybe I could show you?”

“Show me?”

“I’ve been working on transferring my memories, perhaps if I tried hard enough, I could even show people without the Force—” 

“—No,” interrupts a deep voice from behind Rey, it sends pleasurable tingles down her spine, “let _me_ show him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a bit angsty huh. 
> 
> Sorry I know I said I'd upload it two days ago but life has a way of getting in the way ykwim.
> 
> Will start work on the next chapters ASAP. Thank you for reading, I appreciate all your support. Please give me feedback, I love to hear your thoughts. You all mean the absolute world to me <3
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber


	19. Light Rises and Dark To Meet It.

Ben Solo recalls a few moments like this from his childhood. 

He remembers how it feels to walk into a static environment, with emotions running through the air thicker than his skin could ever be. He knows what it feels like when the room becomes silent on his entry, he knows the feeling of people only being able to speak about him when he’s not there. They never seem to know what to say in his presence. 

When Ben Solo’s parents would argue downstairs while he hid away in his room, he’d hear his name thrown about more times than he can recall anyone ever using it in want of his actual attention. 

He learned early that when his name was used, more often than not, it was because he had done something wrong, something that he wasn’t expected to do. If his name was used it was because he had hurt or disappointed someone. 

And all of these rules he’d come to understand were the reason Ben Solo felt as though he was reliving his past, even before attempting to share his memories with the pilot his younger self was cruel to.

Rey was exempt from these rules of course. She was exempt from every rule Ben Solo had learned over his years. When Rey spoke his name, it was because she _wanted to_ , because she _wanted_ his attention. Rey spoke his name because she wanted _him._

“ _Ben?_ ” Rey calls softly, shifting the fog that shrouded over his mind. She snaps him back to the present with the soothing comfort of her voice, with how she gently places her delicate palm on his bicep. 

He shouldn’t be allowed to touch her. He’d taint her, like he has with everything.

“Ben?!” She says more insistently, making him focus on what’s going on around him. 

The pilot has been restrained by FN-2187 — _Finn_ , Ben corrects himself— after he’d immediately launched into fight mode on Ben’s entrance. He senses a great deal of anger spewing from the pilot, it’s sharp and the pain of it splits Ben’s own head. He can hear every malevolent thought that the pilot wishes upon Ben, he can feel the fear from all occupants of the room.

He almost lets it all take over him, almost adopts it as if it’s his own. At least, he does, until he feels warm sunlight wash over his mind as Rey soothes him through their bond. 

The bond that had saved Ben Solo’s life in every conceivable way.

“If you fucking think for one second, I’m letting that bastard anywhere near my head again, I’ll kill him myself!” Shouts the pilot, pushing against his partner’s hold to get to Ben.

Finn struggles to calm him down, attempting to negotiate with him through a conversation Ben isn’t listening to. 

—No, he isn’t paying any attention to them at all. 

Right now, Ben is focused on the way Rey moves to stand in front of him, _protecting him_ , baring her teeth at the pilot like a wild Nexu about to pounce on its prey. This small beautiful spitfire of a woman that’s ready to draw blood for him, to fight others off to ensure his safety. _Him_. Out of all the people in the galaxy, he’s the lucky one Rey has stated her claim on. His feral scavenger that owns his very being, like he’s the treasure and only she can see the true worth. 

Ben was more than tempted to let Rey unleash the unrelenting storm that is her wrath, but now wasn’t the time for that. He needed people to like him, an attribute he’d struggled with most of his life. 

Ben places a gentle hand at the small of Rey’s back, he almost gets an electric shock from the violent Force energy that pulses from her. 

“It’s alright, Cyar’ika. I can handle thi-”

“Get away from Rey!” Shouts the pilot again, “let her go from your mind tricks!”

“Poe!” Rey returns, jogging Ben’s memory of the pilot’s name. “Calm down, or I’ll make you! He hasn’t got me under kriffing mind contro-”

“ENOUGH!” Screams a small woman, with hair that curls up at the ends in a fashion Ben doesn’t recognise. She walks to stand in the middle of the chaos. The woman is dressed in what Ben can only register as a mechanic’s overalls, with splotches of grease and oil splattered around the khaki green fabric. “This is absolutely ridiculous! Have we forgotten who we are?! Because this definitely isn’t the Resistance _I_ signed up for!”

Ben watches as everyone visibly yields in recognition to this woman’s words. 

_Whoever she is_ , Ben thinks to himself, _she’s clearly important._

“We’re a team,” the woman continues, “a _family._ This isn’t how family behaves!” —Ben thinks that this is exactly how family behaves, at least in his experience— “Have you all learned nothing from what we’ve been through? Violence and hostility do not solve anything.” 

Poe backs down slightly, letting out a rather large exhale as he does so. Finn loosens his grip on Poe’s arms and backs away with the caution of a person who expects a bomb to go off anytime soon. Even Rey slightly settles, though Ben doesn’t miss the tension that’s still manifesting in her shoulders, how her fists are still clenched and how the Force crackles angrily from her signature. It becomes eerily similar to Ben’s own signature, and he doesn’t like it one bit. 

“You’re right, Rose,” Finn returns “this isn’t us.”

From across the room Poe is shooting Ben daggers in his glare, and Ben feels Rey tense up again in retaliation.

“Forgive me,” Ben voices, as he reaches for Rey’s hand. He unfurls her fist from their white knuckled clasp, intertwining his fingers with hers. He finds courage surfacing as he touches Rey, he feels her relax too and the angry flame of her signature dull slightly. “I shouldn’t have made such a dramatic entrance. I can see I’ve put everybody on edge.” 

“On _edge?!_ Are you seri-”

“Poe!” Rose, Finn and Rey all shout collectively, immediately silencing him.

Ben clears his throat, running a hand through his hair as he searches for the words he had been rehearsing in his head since they left Ahch-To. “To expect you to allow me anywhere near you is completely unfair, I apologise. It may sound empty but I am truly sorry for all I did to you —to you all. But there is no way for me to voice what exactly happened to me. In order for you to underst-”

“Now why the fuck would we want to _understand you?”_ Poe cuts in. Ben feels the words physically sear into his skin, he swallows down the bile in his throat. 

“R-right,” Ben stutters, “you’re right. I, um, well I— “

“—what Ben is trying to say,” Rey cuts in, “is that if _you_ had dealt with half of the shit he had, not only would you understand, you’d have done what he had too.” Rey glares directly at Poe with a ferocity that Ben has become too familiar with in battle against her. 

He finds that he can’t take his eyes off Rey, completely in awe of the strength she has. He has no idea how to do this, he’s not even sure if he wants to, but it’s important to Rey. And he’d do anything for her. 

“So, what you’re saying is, if we had the Force like he does, we’d reign terror over the galaxy as well?” Poe aims those words directly at Ben and it’s more than enough to set Rey off.

Everything becomes muffled to the sound of Ben’s heart beating in his ears. The world seems to speed up and slow down simultaneously. 

Rey marches over to Poe and a screaming match ensues, but Ben can’t hear anything over an incessant high-pitched ringing in his head. He feels an unrelenting surge of anger, of upset, of pain rise through him. He feels electricity spark through his veins. 

It’s only when it’s too late does he realise that none of these feelings were his. 

It’s only when a blinding crack of blue lightning erupts from Rey’s fingertips does he register what’s happening. And it’s only when he sees Poe drop to the floor in agony, Rey cowering away from her friends as they rush to examine the pilot, does Ben realise that all of it was Rey.

Rey sobs “I didn’t mean to!” she repeats, “I’m so sorry!” over and over, sparing a glance at Ben with a desperation he’d only ever seen in himself. He feels his heart shatter for her, the guilt etching over hers.

And that’s when he realises how similar him and Rey really are, as she does the only thing that Ben has ever truly done in his life —she runs away. 

* * *

“Can you help him?!” The woman shouts at Ben, who he has learned is named Rose, “He has a pulse but it’s weak! Please!”

For a moment Ben already starts a sprint to the door of _the_ _Falcon_ to go after Rey, only to freeze at the shrill scream that suddenly breaks from Finn.

“POE! Gods, Poe! Fuck!” Finn whimpers, pulling him onto his lap, “please be okay! Please…” 

Ben watches as Finn desperately runs his hands over Poe’s face, as he cries into his shoulder, kissing his face, pleading with the Force, with every god to spare his life. The scene makes Ben remember Exegol, when he had climbed the pit, crawled across the icy stone, hands torn to shreds, ribs and leg split in two, to get to Rey’s lifeless body. Ben starts to feel the indescribable pain in his heart once more, the excruciating emptiness in his soul, the agonising loneliness as he cradled her, stone cold dead, in his arms. 

Ben swallows down the bile that has formed in his throat again, blinks away the scorching tears in his eyes at the reminder of his Dyad’s —his Soulmate’s— death, and suddenly there is no decision to make. 

Ben rushes over to Poe, gently asking Finn’s permission to touch him. Once granted, Ben places a hand over Poe’s chest and closes his eyes. 

Ben knows what he has to do, he’s familiar with this now. He pictures his life, all of his memories, he feels his own signature, he pictures Rey, he feels her, because she is his life, and he begins to transfer his life energy into Poe. Ben focuses it into Poe’s heart, he feels how weak he is. It’s easier this time, there isn’t much to give, Poe isn’t dead yet, only injured, Ben doesn’t have to give it all.

Ben feels Poe’s heart beat grow stronger, he feels the intense life energy course through him, even while Ben feels his own weakening. 

Ben stops healing him only when his eyes open, when he sits up in his lover’s arms, staring at him with an expression he can’t read.

“Thank you,” cries Finn, “thank you! Force, thank you, Ben!” 

Ben gives a brief nod towards Finn and Rose. He’s light headed as he attempts to stand on shaky legs. 

“Go,” Rose says, “she needs you. We’ll take Poe to the infirmary; you just go and make sure she’s alright.” 

It takes a moment for him to gain the strength to move again, but he nods once more. And then Ben finds himself running into the thick heat of the Ajan Kloss jungle before he can even register his feet moving, chasing after Rey. 

* * *

Branches crack underfoot, the thick humid air whistles past her ears, each foot landing in time with her rapid heartbeat.

Rey lets out a choked sob as she runs through the jungle, her eyes filling with perpetual tears blurring her vision into liquid hues of green. They sear into her skin as they fall. 

She runs until she can’t anymore, bracing herself on a tree as her lungs fight for air and her feet scream in a dull ache. Sliding down the tree trunk, she curls into herself, hugging her knees into her chest like she used to countless nights on Jakku, before she had Ben, embracing herself in an attempt to fight off the loneliness and the pain. 

Rey sobs and sobs and sobs silent tears, chastising herself in her head for her actions. She’s disgusted with herself. How could she let herself give into her anger, her fear, in that way? Why had she erupted like that? 

_I’m a danger to everyone around me,_ she tells herself on a loop, over and over. _I can’t make that mistake again. I can’t hurt anyone again._

Her body aches for Ben, she wants to melt into his arms until she’s nothing, until she feels nothing but his soothing presence, his comforting warmth. Rey longs to hear his deep velvet voice whispering sweet nothings to her. 

_But I don’t deserve him,_ she instructs herself. _I almost killed Poe; I don’t deserve any happiness._

_I need to leave. I should be alone. Then I won’t hurt anyone again._

Though she tries, Rey physically can’t bring herself to unfurl from her own embrace. Her limbs feel like Durasteel, her chest heaves in agony. So, she sits there, lost to the Ajan Kloss jungle, for hours and hours. She sits until the twin moons adorn the dark sky, filtering silvery moonlight through the gaps in the tree's leaves. 

She sits there until she hears a distant call of her name.

_Ben._

Rey shoots up to her feet, stumbling over the uneven surface of the jungle floor. She walks away from his voice even though every inch of her body screams to run towards it.

_I can’t let him get to me, I’ll hurt him like I had Poe._

“REY?!” she hears Ben screaming in panic. “REY?!”

She keeps on her path forward, away from him. 

A particularly large branch catches at her foot and she trips over, yelping as she scratches her arm as she falls. 

“Rey?!” Ben shouts, she hears him running towards her, feels his soothing presence in the Force growing closer. She’s too weak to fight it as she scrambles to stand up. 

“Rey! Force, Rey!” Ben catches up to her, running to help her up off the floor. “You scared the shit out of me! I’ve been looking for you for hours! Cyar’ika, _angel,_ are you ok-” 

Rey cuts him off as she shakes his arm off her, managing to stand up on her own. “Stay away from me!” Rey shouts weakly, emotion hitching at her voice. “Don’t come near me! Just— just go away! I’ll hurt you!” 

“ _Rey,”_ she hears Ben choke out, he’s crying too as he reaches out for her again. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s me.”

“No!” Rey returns, smacking his hand away from her. “I can’t risk it, please,” she sobs, “just leave me alone. You’re better off this way.” 

He watches her, heartbroken, as she stumbles away from him. For a moment he’s silent and Rey wonders if she’s actually won this terrible battle they’re fighting, until he’s running after her again.

“Ben! Just stop! Stop!” 

“No!” He shouts as he grabs her arm, trying to pull her into him, “I promised you that you weren’t alone, and I fucking meant it!”

She pushes and pushes at his broad chest, trying to get out from his hold, but she’s too weak to fight it, and he feels so good wrapped around her. Rey sobs, feeling his arms engulf her like she’d been aching for, she hears him shushing her, rubbing soothing patterns across her back, kissing the top of her head, she feels their Force signatures chorus in pleasure at the close proximity. 

Eventually she gives up fighting him and lets him fuss over her, letting him love her.

“I didn’t mean to!” She sobs into his chest, “I don’t know what happened!” Rey clutches at his shirt, balling her hands into the fabric like he’s tethering her to the planet. 

“I know, sweetheart, I know. It’s okay, Poe’s okay. I healed him. It’s all okay.” 

“But it’s not!” she shouts with a raw throat, pushing her head off his chest to look at him. He looks rattled, even in the dark she can see how panicked he looks, how much he worries for her. “I- I almost killed him! Why did I do that?! He threatened to lock you up, he threatened to kill you! I couldn’t let that happen! Not again! I just felt so- so— “

“— _angry,”_ Ben finishes for her, “I _know_. Rey, I get it, out of everyone I understand. Cyar’ika, I’m so sorry you felt like that, I wouldn’t wish that feeling on a person I hated, least of all you!” 

Ben wipes away the tears that continue to fall across her cheeks, delicately swiping his thumb across her skin in a way that makes her want to cry more. He places soft kisses across her face, giving her strength with every press of his plush lips. He’s so gentle, so caring, so _loving_ to her. 

_How could he stand to touch me after what I did?_

“Don’t you even think that, Rey,” Ben says with a growl. “How dare you think that, when you choose to love _me,”_ his voice breaks. “You think I don’t feel that way every time you touch me? Look at me? When you insist on loving me, despite all the reasons I’ve given you not to!” 

“ _Ben—”_

“No, you’re gonna listen to _me_ now. What just happened was an accident, Rey! What I did, I did deliberately! Don't you _ever_ think that you’re not worth all that I love you with, because I swear to the Force, Rey, you are worth everything good in the galaxy. Because you _are_ everything that’s good in the galaxy.” Ben lets out a shaky breath, and it’s only then does Rey realise how weak he is. “What just happened has no say over who you really are. You lost control; it was an _accident_. Let me help you, Cyar’ika. I promise you we can work to help you control this. _Please_ , _Starlight_. Please let me do something good for you.”

Rey hiccups, searching Ben’s tear glistening eyes, tangling her hands in his hair. She surges forward to capture his lips in a bruising kiss, one akin to their first on Exegol. It’s branding, full of passion, and it tastes like tears, as they profess their unconditional love for one another through its intensity.

_You’re not alone, Cyar’ika._

_Neither are you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonsoir!
> 
> Gosh I'm sorry I took so long with this new chapter, I hope it's enjoyable for you. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading this fic, it means the world to me.  
> As always I welcome any feedback, I love to hear from you!
> 
> Tumblr: @rosetintedlightsaber  
> I have a Twitter now too: @roselightsaber

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me if there are any inconsistencies with canon in terms of planets, ships etc. Stuff like that. 
> 
> And also any grammatical errors.
> 
> I’m trying my best... 
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this.
> 
> I really appreciate it! :) 
> 
> Also please stay safe in these strange times we find ourselves in x


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